In her new book, The Family Dinner, my dear friend Laurie David talks about the importance of families making a ritual of sitting down to dinner together, and how family dinners offer a great opportunity for meaningful discussions about the day's news. "Dinner," she says, "is as much about digestible conversation as it is about delicious food."
I couldn't agree more. So HuffPost has joined with Laurie to launch a new feature we're calling HuffPost Family Dinner Downloads. Every Friday afternoon, just in time for dinner, our editors will highlight one of the most compelling news stories of the week -- stories that will spark a lively discussion among the whole family.
This idea really hits home with me. Literally. Growing up in Athens, my home life was centered around family meals -- especially dinner. My mother, who was an incredible cook, kept our table filled with a seemingly never-ending array of food.
Just as endless were the conversations my mother, my sister Agapi, and I would have while seated at the table (my parents divorced when I was nine). The three of us would talk about anything and everything -- girlfriends, schoolwork, classmates, teachers, and, of course, boys. We'd discuss personal problems, our hopes and dreams -- and our fears. We'd debate current events, share books we'd just read or movies and plays we'd just seen.
Our kitchen table was where my views of the world began to be formed. And there was something very comforting in the pace of these family dinners. They were leisurely; we weren't rushing -- quickly wolfing down the meal and hurrying off to someplace we'd rather be. Indeed, there was no place we'd rather be than sitting at that table -- eating, talking, laughing, or tearing up. It was the opposite of our fast food culture. And even when the meals where short (there was homework to be done, after all!), they weren't rushed. There were no BlackBerrys to check, no TV blaring in the background (or hypnotizing us in the foreground). We were all very much present. (As my mother would later say, "I abhor multitasking.")
My mother's intimate connection to food -- feeding for her was a primal way of showing love -- even extended to the way she talked about food. She'd get upset if we ever said we were "grabbing something to eat." "Food is not something to grab," she'd say. "It is something to savor."
The importance of family dinners, of taking the time to come together and eat while processing the day, was something I knew I wanted to carry on when I had my own children. So, even if I had dinner plans for the night, I'd have an early pre-dinner dinner with my girls. That remained the best time to talk about our days -- and especially to hear about their days.
Something magical happens when you are talking over a meal -- instead of making a specific point of meeting in order to talk. Your whole body relaxes. The food has a truth serum effect. Things come up and are dealt with that wouldn't have come up anywhere else.
And the family dinner is a wonderful place for teaching and learning. Dinner table learning doesn't come from didactic teaching... pass the feta cheese, please... it's a more natural form of learning... more avgolemono soup?... learning that's unforced and organic.
So gather your family around the laptop, smartphone, or iPad -- or just print out the post and pass it around the table -- and check out our first Family Dinner Download. We hope it will get everyone at your table thinking and talking. It's a great way to learn how your kids see the world, and to let them discover how you see things, too.
Let the eating -- and the talking -- begin.
Follow Arianna Huffington on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ariannahuff
Brian Gresko: The Real Magic of Parenting Doesn't Happen on Christmas
Susan Stiffelman: Laurie David Shares Family Dinner Conversation Tips
Once upon a 4th of July, an elephant and 9 donkeys got together for a picnic. While the donkeys were watching fireworks, the elephant grabbed the apple pie and sliced it. The elephant left only 2 slices for all the donkeys. When the donkeys came to the table, they could see there was only pie left for a few bites each. "This isn't fair," protested the donkeys. The elephant said, "Shut your mouths, I'm a lot bigger than you and I'm holding the knife. Learn to live with what I leave you." The donkeys remembered that they live in a democracy and could get some pie back by voting on how much to tax the elephant. One donkey suggested a 90 percent tax rate so everyone could have his own piece of pie. Some of the donkeys didn't like that idea because they secretly dreamed of becoming rich someday and hoped to be able to stuff themselves with 8 slices of pie at every meal. After much discussion, the donkeys voted to tax the elephant at 50 percent. That way, every donkey received a small slice of pie instead of just a few bites. This also allowed donkeys that worked harder to earn extra pie. The elephant wasn't too happy about losing some of his pie but he realized he still had much more than everybody else. Eventually, the elephant took the advice he offered the donkeys and learned to live with what was left for him.
Involving the entire family in some way in the process of preparing the meals we eat extends responsibility and appreciation of the effort as a shared experience.
Vegetable soup stock prepared from the remnant scraps of stored and frozen celery, onion, carrot peelings and taters, and shrooms and garlic Peels of squash etc
all utilised too make the base for many wonderful soups and vegetable stock to the most finiky pallette
Yet together we share the garden of possible meals and gather within the confines of a small kitchen and create meals and future possibilities!
and then there's the toil of renewing the clean space together and binding the security of our meals to our lives in simple sustenance.
http://drivercure.net/solving_hardware_problems.html
http://ozarkhomesteader.wordpress.com/
P.S. I think losers should concede gracefully.
My oh! my, you truly revoke my past. How wonderful. Love your website. Regards. Colin.
I know it sounds odd- but I often stumble onto some neat thinking starting with an absurd proposition.
For those people who can't get together with their families- perhaps when people DO eat- they could go somewhere to a site where other people are also eating - having lunch - whatever- there is something that eases when eating in dialog - people open up more - they are experiencing the gratification through food- and I think it enables them to sit back and be a bit more relaxed and objective- I think this is the core facet of the proposition here about pegging this to eating.
The Roman's of course- did this with what follows eating- they had those elaborate public toilets - with no walls- no kidding -and it was probably a pretty interesting time.
I'm pushin' the mark there I suppose- but I could argue there is more gratification in the latter form of food processing than not.
Robin Williams suggests in the Fisherking great thoughts occur when on the commode.
augh! Now I've done it - a virtual .COM site for people to chat while - hmm - I better abandon that idea - was shooting for humor - hope I succeeded.
There might be something to that though -
One BIG IMPORTANT theme to this is - promoting DIALOG - and indeed food can ease that.
Cha know ? I've had it up to here with these liberals -
Family dinner ? ? Talk ? Love ?
These are just terrible ambitions ! :)
Actually I was just thinking what a conservative take on this might be- but all I was left with with the conservative Christian model was a picture of a box of mac and cheese and telling the kids how we are living in End DAys and that they really shouldn't worry about that debt because well- we're in End Days ? lol
I like this idea- it's a good effort - perhaps about overkill- but this idea promotes DIALOG - pursuit of knowledge and understanding - these are good things.
Nearing completion of Eric Alterman's Why We're Liberals (it's really sarcastic when you get into the book) ? I've concluded with Eric - it's not there are 'liberals' or 'progressives' it's pretty much anyone that doesn't believe it's End Days - and is a fundamental Christian conservative ? Attacks anyone who isn't of the pack - and starts giving out labels- Eric has one quote from Coulter at the beginning "I'm more of a man than any liberal" - helpfully demonstrating the nonsense here.
Indeed, let us all sit down and share dialog at dinner - thanks to GOP shifting more wealth to the top 2 % though ? Most people can't sit down for a dinner anymore- Mom and Dad both work -
Humility and reflection are a god place to start!
PEACE
Bon appetite.
What is important, however, are those dinner conversations. My 10 and 9 year olds know so much more than their peers about politics, current events, even the wars the US is participating in. My mother is often amazed at the things we discuss with them at dinner. It isn't all serious discussions. We talk about our days, our hopes and plans, things we are grateful for. We joke and laugh. No matter what else happens this is OUR time together. It is the four of us in an island that belongs only to us. As I see the boys grow I realize how very vital this will be as they get older.
I'll check out the Friday downloads. Unfortunately I don't think it will encourage those who don't eat together to do so. In this age of children being schedule with activities until late at night some people think that is more important than just being together. But, to me at least, family is first.