There are only three shopping days left until Christmas, and I am scrambling to finish up my holiday gift list. Bernie Madoff has really got me stumped. What do you give the man who has stolen everything? Muntader al-Zaidi can obviously use a new pair of shoes (Size 10). Bristol Palin can use a blue fur-lined onesie (plus a good lawyer for her future mother-in-law). And I'm giving a Taser to Mika Brzezinski (not to use on future muggers; it's for Rush next time he tries to play her mugging for laughs). I can use some help playing Santa. Who's been naughty and who's been nice? Please post your gift ideas for public figures in the comments section below and we'll collect the best ones and unwrap them on Christmas Day.
Follow Arianna Huffington on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ariannahuff
2. For Pelosi: Some new rose colored glasses.
3. For Harry Reid: A Land's End cot for those late night sessions.
4. For Caroline Kennedy: A 2009 edition of a good financial accounting software program.
5. For Al Franken: A copy of "How to be a senator for idiots".
6. For Hillary Clinton: A Fodors.
7. For Bill: A Garmin GPS system to put in Hillary's luggage.
8. For all of us. A Happy, peaceful and prosperous New Year. Seriously.
9. For President Elect Obama: Good luck and best wishes from all citizens.
For the state of California, my gift is to change the past just a little bit to make Arianna Huffington the governor of California. The winners always re-write history, and we're the winners now.
Congratulations Arianna!
THOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS..
Ex 20:16
For the United States, a return to the rule of law.
For Senator Bob Corker, a pay cut so that his salary and benefits exactly match those of the employees of the automakers based in Tennessee.
For Ron Gettelfinger, president of the UAW, a pay raise so that his salary and benefits exactly match those of Senator Corker before his pay was cut.
For Rush Limbaugh, a padded cell and a nice jacket that ties at the back and has very long sleeves.
For Sarah Palin, lifetime memberships in PETA and the Sierra Club.
For Barack Obama, a progressive mandate. Oh wait, we gave him that already. Maybe he needs another one?
- Meaningful appointments in the new administration
- AND the ear and respect of our administration
- A collection of books for his new Presidential library.
- And a collection of crayons to color them in with.
For Sarah Palin:
- A live, televised interview with one of the following:
a) Christopher Hitchens
b) Richard Dawkins
For Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid:
- A gift certificate to the chiropracter's office
For John McCain:
- A sense of decency
For William Ayers:
- An apology from the media
For Howard Dean:
- A big THANKS
Their yacht which is tied up at the French Riviera and their condo at the Cote D'Azure and their chalet up in the French Alps have been secured and closed for the Winter.
The French website Le Figaro [English version] has a long article on the Madoffs' French holdings and tribulations.
Arianna should consider giving the commentators on this as "nice" and provide them wwith an exclusive interview with the "apartment bound" Madoffs.
Takne this opportunity to extend best wishes to Ms. A. and the HuffPs for 2009.