Finding the keys? That's child's play. Welcome to the big leagues where whole pieces of my mind seem to go missing for days at a time.
If there is a reason to think about anything more than a day from now, that conversation simply won't be had. Nope. Not going there. My next concern is how can I hold the baby, while also eating this bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Because you are absolutely correct that a grown ass woman is allowed to spontaneously request Cinnamon Toast Crunch at 3 a.m. while the other parental unit goes out to get (another) batch of diapers. As I eat it with milk spilling on my chin, I'm convinced this is one of the best decisions of my life.
How do they poop and pee so much? That is really what I think about. And how does time seem to both be achingly slow and then miraculously gone, depending on which state of consciousness I am in.
I can run a company, but my baby isn't my employee. Some days that is really unfortunate.
I was just carrying that stack of thank you notes from my office to the kitchen, but then the baby started crying and my boobs started spontaneously leaking rivers down my shirt, and I put the cards down and now I can't find them.
Getting those written was weeks of work. They better turn up.
I wear nothing but black now. Well I did that before, but now, the black isn't because it's chic, it's because it hides a hell of a lot of what I can't even deal with right now.
Oh hey bathroom. Long time no see. Glad you are still there. I will visit you again, for approximately 14 seconds as I force a steam of urine from my body so quickly I get the added bonus of getting an ab workout.
I see you wedding photo. I see you lookin' all good over there, lookin' at me. You just do you and I'm going to be over here doing me. Just wait until I can get this crazy farm into coordinating outfits in a crisp fall backdrop -- we are going to blow you out of the water.
I may have questionable things on various parts of my person, but I am totally in love with this vomit machine. This little person has made me the most terrified and most inspired I have ever felt in my life, all without the added benefit of sleep -- so it is only going to get better!
This is the beginning of the weird time warp that is, "Ah, that's what they were talking about." Where advice is never heard, and personal experience becomes one's perpetually unfinished owners manual with unending updates and additions. Because they just. Keep. Growing.
But to all those parents out there who tried to warn me. I get it now. I get it.
Let's plan a play date so we can talk about all the weird things our offspring are doing that I thought was abnormal, but is really, actually, perfectly normal. I'll ignore your spit up if you ignore mine.
Deal? Deal.
Let's take our Bugaboo's for a stroll and put a big ol' win on this day. Food was eaten. Butts were cleaned.
One day at a time.