"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." -- James Baldwin
Not every person we meet is there to stay forever, but there are those we meet who touch our hearts in unforeseen ways, leaving us with brighter paths and nourishment and strength to walk along those paths.
When I was younger I rejected therapy, never fully understanding that something didn't have to be wrong for me to ask for help and that asking for help didn't mean I was any less of a strong woman.
My therapy sessions threw all of my prejudices about therapy out of the window and back into my face. I faced the problems I fought with before in newer more constructive ways.
My therapist was patient and kind and compassionate and willing to help me trudge through what I thought would take years to conquer. I felt our conversations were genuine and heartfelt -- that's another misconception I had about therapy. You are actually having a conversation with your therapist. It is not talking to a wall or abstract air. You're talking to a person and that person understands you. Feels for you. There's beauty in that.
And I know that's so cliche -- You're in therapy talking about your feelings?? Ugh. -- yes, I'm in therapy talking about the baseline of my emotions. The reasons why I feel things and what exactly those feelings are.
We don't give ourselves the space to feel enough. We question our emotions, doubt them, second guess them, invalidate them with profound declarations of things that could have, should have, but didn't happen. My therapist gave me the space I needed to stop invalidating myself and my own emotions. But I cannot attribute everything I gained from therapy solely to her because without a certain degree of open-mindedness, 45-minute sessions would have been for naught. I went into therapy knowing what I wanted out of it, not knowing what I'd get, but knowing that it was past time for me to have something.
My therapist helped me awaken what was dormant within me. What is often dormant within all of us, but present nonetheless: Greatness & Potential. She taught me to acknowledge my own space. Space I had created and am still creating for myself. In our second to last session she asked, "If you could say everything you're saying to me to someone, who would that person be?" I responded with the usual glance around the room as if the answer was lost in the air. Then like the sun-rays shining through the window that lit up her office, the answer dawned on me. I said, "I guess I'd say it to myself." And she responded with, "And if you were standing in front of yourself, looking at yourself, what would you say?" I said, filled with reluctant acceptance, "Stop being afraid to be great." She said, "And say it again." And I did, this time with more conviction. Ashley, stop being afraid to be great.
She held a mirror in front of me to help me see the best in myself. Meeting with her overtime became much like meeting with a friend, someone who cared enough to help me help myself. I'm eternally grateful of my sessions with her and proud that I pushed myself to go.
So that's what I've learned therapy was for me. It was another of life's many lessons. It was a platform to healing. To mental health. To being proud of myself. You're prouder of yourself for it. That's all that really matters anyway.