The power of dialogue has the ability to change the world. Conversations between people can accomplish more than most people understand or give credit to. But it requires stepping out of our comfort zones, and talking to people about uncomfortable topics. It's a necessary thing we need to do though. Especially if we want to see things change for the better. In a time where racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and violence are mixed together in a tumultuous melting pot, the new book Talk To Me is a must read. It is a non-fiction work by humanitarian lawyer and author, Qasim Rashid. To summarize, the book gives stories of struggle real people have faced through their lives. But instead of taking those experiences in a negative way they used them to create a bit more peace and understanding in this world. And it's an idea we could all learn from.
While reading Talk To Me I had an experience much like the stories in the book. Instead of writing the standard book review I thought it might be better to tell you a bit about how the book reminded me how to act in that moment.
This past weekend I went upstate to Rochester, New York for a close friend's wedding. The wedding itself took place at an upscale hotel in the area. Like myself, my friend who got married is a Pakistani American Muslim. Him and his wife, who is also Pakistani chose to have a traditional Pakistani wedding. So the food, clothing, music, and décor were in accord with traditional Pakistani weddings.
A tradition in Pakistani culture is for the groom to give his close friends outfits to wear for the wedding. In our case friends close to the groom were given a traditional South Asian style of clothing called a kurta. It goes without saying that in a place like Rochester, New York we stood out.
Although I am a Pakistani American Muslim I don't look like what people would consider the typical Pakistani. For the most part when people meet me they either think I'm Israeli, Italian, or Greek based on how I'm dressed at the time. I'm pretty fair skinned and have some traditionally European facial features so it makes sense. On the other hand, many of my friends have the more standard South Asian look of darker skin and facial features of that part of the world. Because of this over the years I haven't faced much of the blatant racism many of my friends have since the events of 9/11 except at airports. This day was bit different though where I did get to experience some of my friends have just for their skin color.
Before food was served I convinced my friends to walk to the bar with me. We were between important parts of the wedding so we had some time we could take to ourselves. The real reason I was dragging them out there was a big popcorn machine serving free popcorn at the bar I had seen when walking in. I was hungry and popcorn sounded awesome at the time.
On our walk towards the bar a white gentleman approached us. He was likely in his mid 40s with a handlebar mustache. He made a joke about where he could get those clothes so he could come into the wedding too because it looked like the food was going to be good. It ended up leading to a conversation.
Things started off pretty lightly. He was asking about the clothing we were wearing, the types of foods we would have, and told us some common jokes about marriage. At some point our religion came up. Once he realized we were Muslim the types of questions changed. He seemed incredulous that the wedding was a dry, and that there would no alcohol served. It didn't seem to be in a way that meant offense, but he seemed so accustomed to alcohol being at weddings that he was perplexed. After we got done with the topics of marriage he decided to ask about Islam as a whole.
Before starting to ask any of the questions the man told us were the first Muslims he had ever met. At this point I thought back to reading Talk to Me earlier that day. It occurred to me this could be a moment of enlightenment for both parties involved if we chose that path.
The first question he asked was one I had a feeling was coming. He asked, "So what's up with wrapping the women up like you guys do? That sh*t is pretty f****d up. Why don't you let them wear what they want to?" From the way he asked questions you could tell he wasn't trying to be offensive, but that doesn't change the fact it still was. Instead of getting offended though my friends and I took this as an opportunity to clear things up for him.
Over the course of the next 45 minutes we had a long and detailed discussion about Islam as a whole. It went into topics about Christianity, America's history, and how the media does a disservice to the public at times. By the end of our conversation we had become friends with the man. We took his phone number down. He even decided to invite us up to his cabin where he said we could go shooting, use the lake in his backyard, or go dirt biking. That's the power of dialogue.
Reasons like the ones I experienced this past weekend are a prime example of why a book like Talk to Me is so important. It's no secret that we don't live in a post racial society, and it's also clear that having these conversations are not easy. To better understand a framework in how to approach them, or to better understand the struggles so many people face today this book is excellent. Also, if you just want a bit of faith restored in humanity this is a book worth taking a look at as well. Whatever reason you choose to read this for you won't regret it.
Talk to Me: Changing The Narrative On Race, Religion and Education is available on Amazon in Paperback and via Kindle.