This morning, I was bombarded with messages from Facebook friends about a Facebook page that has them outraged, and rightly so.
In the last few weeks I've posted a series of articles focusing on the status of women in America, the Equal Rights Amendment, and the ongoing pay inequity between the sexes, all urging women to get mad. Why? Because anger is often the first step toward action, and action is what this country sorely needs.
All the articles generated a great deal of discussion, which was my intent. But, while most comments were supportive of the points made, some -- mostly from men -- were negative, taunting, aggressive, and in a few unfortunate cases, vulgar. Most, of course, felt free to leave their comments directly on Huffington Post, where freedom of speech is alive and well. But, a few -- knowing that their choice of words would never pass muster with the moderators -- chose, instead, to connect via email. The venom that spouted from these messages still makes me wince.
Gaps in salary, lack of leadership roles in the public and private sectors, diminishing jobs for women (especially those over 50), and poor childcare options are just a few of the ongoing challenges we have in America.
But the biggest, widest-ranging problem is the "culture of rape" that we as a society have created, and continue to feed.
This past weekend, Washington DC was the scene of the most recent "SlutWalk," an international movement that started in Toronto this past spring but has quickly gone viral. According to founder Heather Jarvis, "Our goal is to shift the paradigm of mainstream rape culture, which believes focuses on analyzing the behavior of the victim rather than that of the perpetrator."
Even if you cringe at the word "slut," the goal of this organization is right and just. No girl or woman should be raped, ever. Nor should it ever be suggested that what she wore caused the rape to happen. That way of thinking feeds directly into the "culture of rape" we so desperately need to eradicate.
We should all be deeply concerned and vigilant about the statistics surrounding "date rape" especially on college campuses. According to an article by Amy Siskind:
The Department of Education acknowledges a grave threat to this generation: 20 percent of college women will be victims of rape or sexual assault.
Date rape drugs are easily acquired and used, and even if a young woman is drinking a soda, if she turns away for even a second the drugs can be dropped directly into her drink with devastating results.
In her article, Amy goes on to say:
We live in a civilized country, after all. Who is assaulting these young women? The answer, of course, is our college men! Ponder this: roughly 20 percent of our college men will rape or sexually assault a college woman before they graduate.
As a mother of two teenaged girls -- one of whom will attend college next year -- I am bearing witness to a war on women... a war that has all the components of other wars being waged in the world right now: psychological, physical, emotional, financial.
Which brings me back to the Facebook page that has enraged so many people.
Postings on Facebook and other social media often find themselves in the murky waters between "freedom of speech" and "despicable commentary" and that's exactly where this page is. The First Amendment is a right of the American people, the true purpose of which is often misused and abused. That is the case with this Facebook page (bad grammar and all) -- "You know shes playing hard to get when your chasing her down an alleyway." To date, it has generated almost 172,000 "likes" and continues to get "likes" and comments even though many people have petitioned Facebook to have it removed.
In a Facebook message, Tara Bell wrote,
The complaints are either unheard or ignored. Apparently Facebook believes breastfeeding is obscene and kissing one's same-sex partner is obscene, but rape is not. The page pretends to be humor, but rape is not funny - not in any way, shape or form.
Perhaps Facebook views this page as an example of social media users embracing it to air their views, as long as no one is being hurt. However, as Facebook friend Maureen Ardron wrote:
It makes you wonder how far we've really come from the cave man days when all a man needed to do was grab a woman by the hair and drag her to the cave. This is a very bleak commentary on American life . . . and very not funny!
I asked friends on Facebook if they felt this page condoned or supported a "culture of rape" and the answer was a unanimous yes.
Joyce Frazier Melanson wrote:
It implies rape, and also implies as acceptable the ignoring of protection orders, referring to them as challenges. This is not funny. It shows very poor judgment, a lack of respect and a degrading view of women.
Facebook friend Dawn Henry Walker put it into sharp perspective:
Unfortunately many types of media have encouraged people to objectify and sexualize others for their own "consumption" to be used for self-gratification. Until we learn to value others this will not change. This is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
Rape culture is defined in an article on Helium as follows:
. . . a term used to describe a culture in which rape is common, and can be condoned through cultural attitudes and behaviors, including the way its victims are portrayed in the media, and the objectification of certain people (usually women) that seems to make their bodies open to violation.
What can we do? We can start by asking ourselves these questions:
Is America so lacking in a moral compass that we can't control the explosion of sexual violence depicted in movies, television, advertising, video games, music, and social media, which depict women and girls being abused, raped, tortured and murdered?
Have we so lost our way that we can't send our daughters to college without fear of having a pill dropped in their drink when they get momentarily distracted?
Are we, as a society, supporting a war on women by condoning a culture of rape?
Lastly, what do you think Facebook should do?
Follow Barbara Hannah Grufferman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BGrufferman
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Shame on you for repeating Ms. Siskind's 20% = 20% false equivalency. This sort of lazy reporting is incredibly harmful, because it undermines the credibility of people who are out in the community trying to actually *do something* about the problem, and allows average people to ignore or minimize the widespread harm of rape because they believe (rightly) that people like Ms. Siskind are making up statistics. If you'd done your due diligence, you would have come across David Lizak's work, which proves most college rapists are serial rapists with many victims.
It is also really offensive that people like you and Ms. Siskind alienate men from the movement by acting like a lot of men are rapists. It's simply not true. According to Lizak's research, 9 out of 10 rapes on campus are committed by repeat offenders, who average 6 rapes each during college. Next time, try doing a little research.
Sincerely,
Someone who actually works with rape victims on a daily basis
Best,
Barbara
You get my point, which is that we need to be really careful about the ways our public advocacy affects the movement and people working in the field. The situation is so bad in reality that the legit stats are bad enough; the last thing we need is to be accused of exaggerating.
I think a top priority for the movement should be to put the blame where it belongs: almost entirely on a very small but predatory minority of men, who make the rest look bad. Frankly, men have almost as much to lose/gain as women in this fight. Guys, just think of how much more good sex you would be having if women didn't have to be afraid that you might be one of the bad guys (not to mention the large number of closeted male victims).
My criticism notwithstanding, I hope you keep writing about these issues. A couple of male comments to your article illustrate that journalists raising the issue in this sort of pop-culture oriented way help build men's interest in this issue (in a way that lawyers, crisis center advocates, etc. can't).
Good luck.
‘We want Facebook to be a place where people can openly discuss issues and express their views whilst respecting the rights and feeling of others.
We have now more than 750m people around the world of varying opinions and ideals using Facebook as a place to discuss and share things that are important to them.
We sometimes find people discussing and posting about controversial topics
It is very important to point out that what one person finds offensive another can find entertaining - just as telling a rude joke won’t get you thrown out of your local pub, it won’t get you thrown off Facebook.”
Annie Othen Show 17.8.11
BBC Radio Coventry and Warwickshire
Do men not understand that condoning a culture of rape also diminishes them, and presents them as unthinking, callous and violent? The majority of us (I sincerely hope) would not even consider committing a sexual assault, and find the idea repugnant. Blaming the victim symbolically takes away a man's capacity to reason, to think and to care about our fellow human beings, rendering us as animals acting only on some sort of primitive instinct.
Wake up, guys, this ain't funny. It is demeaning and insulting, to women most of all, but to men also.
Thank you for your comment, which was spot-on right. I hope many men (and women) read this.
Best,
Barbara
I really believe if people took a moment and considered, really considered, the real meaning of the things we do and say, particularly from perspectives other than our own, even occasionally, I think we as a society would be a lot less callous and insensitive.
All credit to you for surviving such a horrible ordeal. All the best.
The Department of Justice notes that one-third of American women are raped or sexually assaulted during her life; a quarter of those victims are under the age of 12. Most rape victims are young women, so one in five college women being raped is quite credible factually and statistically. The inescapable conclusion: a LOT of men are raping and sexually assaulting women and girls. TV shows feature the rape and murder of women, as do many movies. Porn glorifies rape and the abuse and debasement of women. Popular music refers to women routinely as b**ches and hoes and gold-diggers and worse, and celebrates violence against women. The hatred of women is ubiquitous in this culture, as evidenced by the misogynistic comments found everywhere in HuffPo comments.
The First Amendment prohibits governmental interference with free speech, the idea being that people should be free to criticize their government and debate the issues of the day. Freedom of speech is inapplicable in private enterprises like Facebook or HuffPo and they are free to regulate hate speech --- but it appears that in cyberspace, racist or homophobic speech is usually disallowed, while misogynistic hate speech against women is permitted. Life in the patriarchy.
One in five college women are victims of sexual assault or rape, this is a correct and very disturbing FACT. Ms. Siskind goes on to say that one in five college men are therefore guilty of sexual assault or rape (you quoted this directly), this is an assumption of the most absurd magnitude and makes no sense; the majority of rape perpetrators have multiple victims. This is not to mention what this statistic, if true (which it's not), implies - those implications are too distasteful to fully discuss but let's just say if there was a 1:1 ratio of perpetrator to victim it would suggest a lot of what you are fighting against in this article is true.
When confronted on this by a number of people in that particular post. Ms. Siskind responded with an assertion that most rapes and sexual assaults are gang rapes(!), there's no evidence to back this up - and was obviously just her refusing to admit she made it up.
When someone is playing fast and loose with statistics and implications, it hurts more when they are on your side.
"while most comments were supportive of the points made, some -- mostly from men -- were negative, taunting, aggressive, and ...vulgar."
What you have done in this sentence is polarize comments into two camps: those that were in agreement with you, and those that were "negative, taunting, aggressive, and... vulgar" and came "mostly from men".
I suggest to you the possibility of another group: comments that were critical yet polite, thoughtful yet not in agreement. In one draconian editorial act, you have grouped everyone who does not agree with you into the same class of bullies who would send you "venom-spouting" emails. In doing so, you crystallize a rage-inspiring and divisive agenda. Articles of this sort may make a place for you in today's constellation of writers and speakers on gender issues, but I for one don't feel they generate the understanding of social pressures that contribute to gender bias, inequity and even rape.
I went to Facebook and searched for the words, 'women should be'. And looked at all the stupidity that cropped up. And then I searched for the words 'men should be'. And looked at all the stupidity that cropped up. Try it. Inanity knows no gender affiliation.
Rape is wrong. Nobody worthy of consideration doubts this. When it happens, all people of reason--men and women alike--are furious. Yet you want to inspire people to get angry... and do *what* exactly? Get pissed at the men around us? Throw more of them in our over-crowded prisons? Censor every inane expression on the internet?
When we actually examine the psychology of rape, we begin to see that it is often an expression of powerlessness rather than power. Men who commit sexual abuse typically have a gaping hole in their self-esteem and sense of personal effectiveness.
Let me be crystal clear: empathy for, and understanding of, that powerlessness is in no way a condoning of criminal actions. At the same time, there is a clear line between writing to just rile people up and writing that promotes understanding and addressing of an issue. You are great at the former, but isn't the latter what we need more of these days?
I need one more post, please...
And I think this article ignores a prevalent issue on college campuses and elsewhere; I would argue male-on-male rape is gaining more visibility and no one should assume this rape culture applies only to women. Almost all of young gay men I have met have shared a story of rape, attempted rape or some other form of sexual assault in their lives, from family members, strangers at parties/clubs and classmates in college settings. Many of these were never reported, because of fear of law enforcement, having no proof, shame, all the same factors that terrorize and silence female victims. I just wish people would open their eyes and start to view these types of problems as human issues, rather than just women's issues.
Further, the comments on the page include literal threats of violence and rape. There is also a considerable amount of hate speech on the page, implications of pedophilia, and finally, a lot of "racial humor." AGAIN - NOT FUNNY.
If making jokes about chasing a woman down for sexual purposes is NOT creating a rape culture, then what is it actually doing?
That is an outrageous exaggeration of the rape percentage.
Since 1990, the CLERY ACT requires colleges in America to report all crime/rape/sexual assaults on any students - on campus or off. Compliance is monitored by the United States Department of Education, and colleges who fail to report events can face civil penalties up to $27,500 per violation as well as suspension of federal student financial aid programs.
You can google any college and read these crime reports to see how safe the school is.
Even major colleges which have fifteen thousand females average fewer than ten rapes for the ENTIRE student body in a YEAR! For example, the Univ. of Washington (17,000 plus female students) reports an average of less than FOUR rapes per year over the past decade.
The actual percentages of rapes on most college campus' is about 1 in 2,000
Grufferman is rapidly becoming my least favorite writer since her articles seem to be inaccurate at best and man-bashing at worst. Please stop demonizing men and creating a climate of fear and victim hood for women.
Estimates of unreported rape vary so widely because NO ONE really can know what the percentage is since they are UNREPORTED. It is all pure guess work, often by people with an axe to grind (or seeking funding).
With all the empowering women receive these days, the funding for rape awareness, rape clinics, rape victim assistants, etc. I doubt the non-report rape rate would be anywhere near the numbers (thousands!) that would be required to reach 20%.
For instance, at the Univ. of Washington, a 20% rape ratio would require raping of nearly a thousand women a year, every year, for four years straight! Based on a nine month school year, that would be about four victims a night, EVERY night, EVERY day of the week!
My God, if it was ANYTHING like that the campus would have been shut down long ago!
And what about all of the OTHER colleges in Washington? Combined they would have TENS OF THOUSANDS of other victims every year!
If that much raping was going on, do you think ANY parents would let their girls go to college?
Then there's sexual assault, which is different from rape, and ridiculously prevalent. Most women aren't going to report some guy on their floor sticking his hand up their skirt at a party. Or any other number of things that could happen, never mind that PLENTY of sexual assaults (and rapes) don't even take place on campus, so why would you report them to the campus police? (on public transport, at a club/bar, off-campus party, etc.)
Sexual assault happens ALL THE TIME. The one in six statistic, which carries beyond college, by the way, is very real. I'm sure there are many other women reading these threads who can attest to that. (note: men are assaulted/raped, too!)
Even if 9 rapes out of every 10 were unreported (which I seriously doubt), the college numbers would increase at a major college from an average of 4 per year to 40,
Based upon four years of college, that is 160 rapes per the original starting class of 17,000+ females, or a chance of being raped of about
Would facebook say..oh, those racists are just having a bit of fun. No, the page would be removed immediately as hate speech.
It's the attitude that violence towards women is not important that actually sends a message that it's condoned. People (potential rapists) pick up these signals of what is and isn't acceptable from these sorts of messages.
"A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That's not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
Rapists do.
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape."
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2011/03/feminism-101-helpful-hints-for-dudes.html#disqus_thread