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Barbara Hannah Grufferman

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Life After 50: Could This Be the Best Solution to the #1 Fear About Aging?

Posted: 06/20/11 01:00 PM ET

Recently, I wrote an article here on The Huffington Post titled "Women's Worst Fear After 50? It's Not What You Think." It generated thousands of shares and comments, and landed me on several of the morning talk shows. It was a wake-up call for everyone about the state of women today, especially those who are over 50 and either unemployed or underemployed, living alone (since statistically women live longer than men and an increasing number of women are divorced), lacking in good health care options and inching their way toward poverty.

According to the National Women's Law Center, more than 16.4 million women -- that's more than one in eight -- lived in poverty in 2009. This number included more than half a million single women with children who held full-time jobs and the elderly women more than twice as likely to live in poverty as elderly men. Seventeen percent of women age 65 and over live alone in poverty.

What's more, the recent Women in America report issued by the U.S. Department of Commerce states that women who live alone have the lowest median income of any type of household.

It's no surprise, then, that the greatest fear of most women I polled for my article was this: not having enough money to live a decent life after 50.

An article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette referenced many of the statistics supporting this fear:

For women who stay home to raise a family or care for an aging parent or sick child, their "reward" is years of accumulated "zeroes" in Social Security credits toward retirement. And there is another shift that will affect all of us, but especially Baby Boomer women: The number of unmarried women has tripled in the past 50 years to 55 million. Who will care for aging unmarried women, who are likely to spend nearly a third of their lives in retirement without pensions or enough in their 401ks?

Last week, I was invited to be a guest on the WPIX 11 "Morning Show" to talk about money and women over 50, and specifically, to discuss solutions. Take a look at this short segment, and guess which suggestion resonated the most.

 

If you guessed that we should think outside the box about how to save money and pool resources by living together a la' "The Golden Girls" ... you are right. And why not? There are many benefits to living as a group -- the best, of course, being that you will not live your later years alone. Other strong reasons why creating a "shared space" -- as I suggest it should be called -- could be beneficial to women, as well as men and even couples, include:

  • Finances will be pooled, lessening the financial burden of each person.
  • Household duties and meal preparations will be shared.
  • Positive social structures will be formed.
  • Car-pooling can be established for work and social activities.
  • Job-sharing can be considered by two or more people in the home, allowing each to be employed but enjoy more leisure time.
    • The dynamic of the group is a positive contributor to healthier living.
  • It's a viable option to assisted living.


One of the most significant social contributors to a happier, healthier, even longer life is staying connected to others as we age. Women excel at this, compared to men, which is one of the reasons why women tend to live longer than men. To create a "built-in" social network that has the added benefit of easing financial stress is a logical and positive progression and an idea that will, no doubt, gain traction as more and more Baby Boomers become intimately acquainted with the common financial burdens of aging.

The key to a successful shared space is to develop a set of guidelines to which all participants (even if there are only two) are expected to adhere. There will be many considerations that should be discussed and agreed to prior to the start of the shared space, including when to have visitors, what parts of the space are considered private and public, who will manage the finances and so on.

Some women I spoke with about this recently said they would jump at the chance to live in a shared space with like-minded women, and that they'd view this as a kind of "summer camp" for adults. One friend had this thought: "Life can be hard, especially as we get older. Why not make it more fun, and less of a struggle?"

Are you, or is anyone you know, living in a shared space situation? Please tell us your story.

Staying connected is a powerful tool. "Friend" me on Facebook and "tweet" me on Twitter (@BGrufferman). For more information about living your best life after 50 with health, vitality and style, please visit my website: www.bestofeverythingafter50.com. Be well, and be in touch.

* * *

2011 New York City Marathon Weekly Training Countdown (20 weeks to go)
I'm running in the NYC Marathon in November to celebrate my 55th birthday and raise money for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, in memory of a friend who succumbed to the disease last year. Here's an update on my training schedule for this week:

Saturday: 5 miles using a run/walk ratio of 3 minutes/30 seconds
Monday: 5 miles using a run/walk ratio of 3 minutes/30 seconds
Thursday: 12 miles with using a run/walk ratio of 30 seconds/30 seconds

Every other week, I'll be adding another mile or so to the long run (keeping the two short runs the same distance), and I will be adding "speed work" to my training. Stay tuned!

For more information on the Jeff Galloway Run/Walk/Run Method, check out his website, www.jeffgalloway.com.

 
 
 

Follow Barbara Hannah Grufferman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BGrufferman

Recently, I wrote an article here on The Huffington Post titled "Women's Worst Fear After 50? It's Not What You Think." It generated thousands of shares and comments, and landed me on several of the m...
Recently, I wrote an article here on The Huffington Post titled "Women's Worst Fear After 50? It's Not What You Think." It generated thousands of shares and comments, and landed me on several of the m...
 
 
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12:08 PM on 07/23/2011
This just makes so much sense. My sister plans on doing this with her friends. She has this funny line: "I'm becoming the man I always wanted to marry," because she's doing all the things she thought a man in her life would be doing...
I'd like to share her concept: http://tiny.cc/ad3tk

Some useful ideas here Barbara--as always.
06:56 PM on 07/18/2011
The big question I think is not where but when.

Im in the process of trying to settle my parents (mid 80s) into more suitable accommodation and it is a nightmare.

Im thinking the big thing to do is to make a decision before it becomes necessary to move. It can always be revised but the alternative is drifting and then finally a crisis makes the move imperative.

Cheers

Rosemary
http://compatibilityandlove.com/
10:03 PM on 06/22/2011
Barbara, I think this is an interesting concept. I agree that women like to spend time together and feel good with a social support network. When my mother moved into a independent (not needing assisted care) living community first in California, then in Florida she loved it. However each resident had their own apartment and they spent lots of time together-playing games, eating in the dining room and going on field trips.I think that having a social network that supports us as we get older is healthy and if we don't have enough money it would be quite beneficial.
But alas, my mother's best friend turned out to be a “boyfriend” at age 85! Women have a hard time living with but don’t like to live without men!
The idea of the Golden Girls scenario is great but possibly a little bit of a fairy tale. By the time a woman has lived for 50 years or more it can be difficult to actually live with others and share in tasks, etc.
Maybe there could be something in between-a more reasonable alternative to independent living but with a little more privacy and less of the “Shared concept”?
But, nonetheless it might work for some.
01:21 PM on 06/22/2011
As a newly-divorced-just-turned-50-year-old, this article hit home. Walked away from a miserable marriage with next to nothing, just relieved to have some peace. Thought: "I work hard; now that the kids are grown I can easily support myself." Guess what? After a year on my own, I have NOT been able to support myself. It's terrifying! I know many 50-something women in my small town who are in the same shape or worse -- in debt. A couple of us had a conversation about communal living a few months ago, and as I see women in their 70s, 80s, and 90s struggling to survive, I'm thinking we need to start seriously looking into this NOW. The comments about "bitchy" women here may be true, but jokes about "I've fallen & can't get up" are coming to mean more to me than a cheesy commercial... no one wants to die because they lay on the floor for days and no one missed them.
09:47 AM on 06/22/2011
When we say 'elderly', it is like saying the 'young'. Both cover a great amount of years.

There is a big difference in a sixty year old and an eighty year old.
Everyone should do what they want to do when they are in their sixties because so many people start failing after that. Their health and their memory gradually gets worse. This is one reason they shouldn't raise the early retirement age or the Medicare eligibility age.

There is an exception to every rule and there are a few that will feel great in their 80s.
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LynneSpreen
www.AnyShinyThing.com, For Smart Women
09:39 AM on 06/22/2011
I just suggested the same thing on my FB page, not 2 weeks ago, and my friends all loved the idea. Not only would it provide a safe spot for boarders, but an income stream for women with big empty homes. Great column!
http://anyshinything.com/2011/05/21/dare-to-dream-after-middle-age/
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Barbara Hannah Grufferma
author, The Best of Everything After 50
10:08 AM on 06/22/2011
Thank you, Lynne! Always love hearing from you . . .
11:42 PM on 07/03/2011
In Minnesota, we have a non-profit dedicated to this effort - it's called Golden Girl Homes. The website is: http://www.goldengirlhomes.us/Home.asp. This could serve as a model for others who want to start similar efforts - it's an idea whose time has come, that's for sure! :)
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03:44 AM on 06/22/2011
Great article.

I actively seek what I call "loner women" who are smart and funny and very independent with an eye toward setting up some sort of way for us all to get through until we die, peacefully of being 102 or so.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Barbara Hannah Grufferma
author, The Best of Everything After 50
10:09 AM on 06/22/2011
Thank you . . . and finding the right "fit" is the key.
All the best,
Barbara
01:28 AM on 06/22/2011
This was helpful. Sure can relate to what this arrticle sais about winding up with "zero" after taking care of so many others. Great news is it's Never too late to go back to school or make changes for our lives. Especially before retirement age.
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Sisseline
Do unto others.....
01:20 AM on 06/22/2011
Should I outlive my husband, I would consider sharing my home with a somewhat younger woman who would be able to share the every-day chores. Obviously we would have to see eye-to-eye, and I do have one in mind.
09:39 PM on 06/21/2011
I only enjoy my dogs and cats after have 2 jobs that force me to work with the public. Coming home after this to yet another set/group of people would drive me crazy, it would not matter what the gender is. A dog is a woman's best friend.
01:54 PM on 06/21/2011
Women, be nice to your husbands. They are more valuable than you think.
06:31 PM on 07/18/2011
For too long women have had the attitude that their men are meal tickets. This has done little to establish us as equals.

Change the mindset; change the outcome.

Rosemary
Blog: CompatibilityandLove
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Justmetootles
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no........
01:27 PM on 06/21/2011
I am a retired telephone operator. I can tell you that after working in a room everyday with 80 women at a time I would never, ever, want to live with them. I agree with "retrofuturistic". Women can be very caustic and sarcastic when they want to. Thankfully I am still married and I raised a good son that always reminds me that he will take care of me in my old age as I took care of him when he was little.
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Mustangallee
What you write here will be in cyberspace forever!
01:18 PM on 06/21/2011
My worry, I have been married for 33 years to a man 5 years younger than me. I haven't worked outside the home enough to qualify for Social Security because our lives have required a lot of travel. My career was furthering his career. We lost our most of our savings during the market crash...We do have life insurance, but I have heard of that disappearing should he become ill and they find out.
If he dies before me I have to wait until he would have been of age to collect Social Security.
09:33 AM on 06/22/2011
I don't think if he dies that you have to wait until he would have been of age. 60 can sometimes be the age for a widow. If he retires you can draw half of what he earns in benefits once you turn 62. If he get $1,000 you will get $500 for a family income of $1500.. They will deduct some of it, if you take it at 62 instead of 67, but you are still ahead to take it because you will draw it for 5 years longer.

You can go to socialsecurity.gov and learn anything you need to know. You can call the closest Social Security office too.
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sangazure1
Flaming bleeding-heart knee-jerk Liberal
01:10 PM on 06/21/2011
I was divorced at 33, and even though I received a small alimony and child support, I knew that I would have to take care of myself. I went back to work and got an MBA -- it took six years going to classes at night. Then I got a better job, and an even better one. Then I went into business for myself. I started saving for my retirement, and now at the age of 76 just retired last week. I will never be rich, but I can have a comfortable life. The important thing for a woman to realize is that she can't depend on anyone but herself. And she should prepare well in advance for her old age.
01:31 AM on 06/22/2011
Very inspiring. Thank You for your words. : )
01:43 AM on 06/22/2011
I am nearing age 50 and just going back to school in realization I have only myself to rely on. Wish I would have done this much earlier in my life.
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LynneSpreen
www.AnyShinyThing.com, For Smart Women
09:40 AM on 06/22/2011
At least you realize it now. Best wishes in pursuing your goals.
http://anyshinything.com/2011/05/21/dare-to-dream-after-middle-age/
01:02 PM on 06/21/2011
I think this is a great idea, I've often wished my Mother could find something like this, as she lives alone with her loving dog, presently it is impossible for us to live together. I have friends that think this would be an ideal way to live.