THE BLOG

What We Learn From Break-Ups

03/28/2015 10:52 pm ET | Updated May 28, 2015

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Are they really the end, or are they the beginning to understanding more and more of what we want and need?

Break-ups are never easy. They aren't the actual closure to your feelings and thoughts towards your ex. Rather, break-ups are the point in time when we must deal with our own feelings, our own sadness, our own ideas of love and what we want.

Tears are shed. Honest conversations with ourselves are had. Waves of happy to ok to completely heartbroken flow in the most elegant and eerie ways, and crash like the harshest of surfs.

From your keys, to a subway stop, to waking up alone, everything reminds you of the person you shared so much with.

Music sounds somber. Colors lose a slight bit of brightness. Touch is completely removed. Food is less exciting. Smells only remind you more of the person you no longer call yours.

This thing called a break-up is made even harder when one person has not done anything immensely wrong. It is simply a difference of the minds, of the hearts, of the souls. A love tank empty, a heart broken, an intertwined spirit unraveled.

There are many different scenarios that lead to break-ups, but one thing is certain, the love doesn't just disappear. You may do the breaking-up, or you may be the one broken-up with, but if the love was real, neither side of this lackluster coin feels like "winning."

You shared couches, meals, memories. You became each other's best friend, confidant, partner. You enhanced each other's comfort, ease, understanding. You started to build a life, introduced family, talked about the future. This person was not your everything, but rather the missing piece.

Then things changed.

The thoughtfulness, the acts of love, the communication all got lost in translation, or simply never arrived. You start to feel the exact opposite of how this person originally made you feel. Your happiness fades. Your eyes tire from tears. You know this simply is not working.

You've tried different ways to make yourself heard. You've made changes. You've done work.

You've given hints. You've been explicit. You've done it all.

It would be easier if someone had done something awful, but the truth is nothing makes this easier. Anger only masks the pain and sadness that eventually comes. You wish things had been different, but wishing only makes wishes. Actions hadn't been employed, and you are left with a heavy heart, not a heart-happy one.

You think back to the times it was magic, and it only makes it sadder.

You could be immature and negative, but it gets you no where, so you choose to honor the love you had, respect the time you spent together, and think of a future when maybe, just maybe, you and your ex can be friends.

Break-ups are not the end, nor are they the beginning. They are simply a time in your life that you must allow yourself to be present with some of your deepest feelings; feelings that surround your own happiness and ultimate life.

We must understand that if there was true love present then we were gifted one of the greatest pleasures of life.

We're not to speak poorly, focus on the bad times and leave that time in our lives in a box. We're meant to take the things we learned from that person, and cherish them, so that we may continue to grow. We shall plant a seed deep inside of us with that person's name so that a tree of knowledge can grow from the things we learned. We must honor the relationship, the good times, the love, so that we may ultimately honor ourselves.

Break-ups suck, but what sucks more is hating someone you once loved.

Allow time to take its course. Allow for breathing room to be felt. Allow for the universe to direct your destiny.

While break-ups are one of the hardest times in our lives, they're also a time to realize who you really are, so keep your head up, buttercup.

Remember it will all be okay. Give it time, and remember you have a beautiful life.