A blogger for cafemom.com recently sounded off on black moms who chemically straighten their daughters' hair before they're even old enough for pre-school. I'm so glad my mother didn't do that to me -- if she had, I doubt I would have as much hair confidence as I do today.
It's not like my mom left my hair texture alone to make a statement -- relaxing it probably just didn't occur to her. My parents were young African immigrants who were only beginning to get accustomed to the United States when I was born. The ideas my mother had about how my hair should look came from what she knew from back home in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where she was raised, not from American TV shows or magazines.
But whether her decision was conscious or not, my various childhood hairstyles shaped me. I didn't know it at the time, but I was learning how to be comfortable with being different. The neighborhoods we lived in when I was young weren't very diverse. I stood out, and so did my hair.
I rocked classic afro puffs or twists secured with colorful barrettes until I was in first or second grade. By then my hair was long enough for my mom to style it with thread, as is done in several African countries. She would make little sections all over my head and tightly wrap black thread around each chunk of hair, causing it to stretch out so it looked like a long, skinny drinking straw.
When all of the pieces were done, she would connect them in groups with more thread, until I had a style that resembled something like pigtails. My exotic 'do intrigued my grade school teachers, who were constantly examining my head and touching my hair. As for my fellow students, who throughout my life were mostly white, many of them made fun of me. And I definitely didn't get chased by boys at recess, like the girls with long, straight hair did.
As I got older, I outgrew the threaded hairstyle and experimented with a bunch of other looks. Some of them were good (braids) and some were not so cute (Jehri curls, Wave Nouveau). I didn't get my first relaxer until I was 16 years old. It was my choice, based simply on what I wanted at that time, not because my mother suggested that I do it. Six years later, I cut off my hair and went natural. Seven years after that, I relaxed it again, which is how I wear it now. Who knows -- maybe one day I'll even try locs.
Of course, I'm aware of the fact that as an African-American woman, how I wear my hair affects people's perception of me, especially because I've lived with it both natural and straight. And my mom hasn't loved everything I've done with my hair (she hated when it was cropped super short). But I'm glad she worked with my natural texture when I was a child, and she never labeled it good or bad. I've flip-flopped between processing my hair and letting it be because I've never viewed one style as being better than the other -- they're just different. And if I ever have a daughter of my own someday, that's exactly what I'll teach her.
Follow Baze Mpinja on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BeautyByBaze
As I got older my own Mother would either press my hair or send me to a salon to have it done and I hated it and saw it as a form of torture! I've never felt comfortable by doing this to my hair because I felt that I was attempting to achieve something that I don't have.
Sure I've gone through the cycles between relaxed hair and natural only to cut it all off again because of the damage created by me or a salon and I've been wearing what I've been born with for almost forty years. This is who I am and I'm going to be the only one defining what my beauty is.
Finally look at the Obama girls. They rock some beautiful natural hairstyles. And alternate them with "hot comb" styles. If its good enough for the President's daughters, you should consider it for your little girl!
I am not my hair.
I don't remember what age I had my first relaxer but I think it had something to do with being in school and wanting to try something new. I went through the motions as well, exploring various forms of braids and learning all about the different types of hair. Wearing it relaxed now, and I have for the past 5 years. However, I'm more and more intrigued by the idea of going natural and starting over. I blame Solange Knowles and her stunning (and healthy) curls.
Great post. Enjoyed it very much.
Also, relaxing your daughter's hair at 5/6???!!! Let it grow out and mature first. It's like taking a 13 year old for breast implants.
I have naturally curly hair (thank you, Daddy!). I don't stuff it into curlers, or chemically treat it, or color it. It's a beautiful silver that actually sparkles in sunlight (thank you, Grandmother!)
If more women would work with what nature gave them instead of trying to look like what some fashion rag editorial staff told them they should look like, we could all take joy in the celebration of who we really are, not how much money we can spend in salons and beauty supply stores.