Dear Christine,

At 27, I'm still living at home, unable to find a real job after graduating from college last year, single and consistently dumped, and drowning in debt. Meanwhile, my younger brother, 25, had a full-time job handed to him and is now engaged to a girl he met on the Internet. I love my brother, and I'm happy for him, but I feel bitter, selfish and jealous after the constant rejection, unable to be any kind of optimistic, and I just don't feel like myself anymore. Is it too much to ask to want something good to happen to me? I feel like a bitch just for asking. - Mimi, 27, New York

Dear Mimi,

You're not a bitch, but you are indeed having bitchy thoughts. The first definition of a bitch is of course a "female dog"; but, let's look at the second: "a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman." I'd say the selfish part fits and you are being pretty malicious and unpleasant to yourself. Why do you think good things don't ever happen to you? Furthermore, I hear you don't wish bad things upon your brother, but my second question is why is his happiness triggering you so much?

The answer to my first question probably is, "Well, because I've had such a rough go lately." But I encourage you to look a little deeper. First, I am sure that there are good things that have happened to you in your life, just because it's not the "good" that you ordered from life's menu, does not mean you've been cheated.

Second, I bet there is something about your brother that has always been a bit of a trigger for you. Maybe he has a better attitude about things, maybe he is more positive, or maybe things have just come easier to him than they have for you. If any of that fits, it's your job to learn from him. Study your brother: What personality characteristics have made him successful? How does he deal with disappointment, money, challenges, relationships, and so on? My guess would be that there are some thoughts, actions or behaviors he has that you may consider taking on.

And if you really want to go for de-bitchment, ASK him. Have a heart-to-heart with him. Share your happiness for him and ask him what he attributes his success to. Ask him what he has noticed about you and the way you live your life. Who cares if he is younger, I've learned a lot from my younger sister as often times our siblings (who have watched us their entire lives) know us best. They learn from our mistakes and challenges. Be open to honest feedback from him.

Put the bitch to rest for a moment and channel your softer side, the part of you that is a bit vulnerable and open to learn. And the part of you that knows good things have happened to you and you are deserving of more good things in the future. It's from that part of ourselves that we are able to stop focusing on what's wrong, become more creative about what we can do differently and more grateful for all that has happened in life.

There's enough abundance in the world to go around. Use your brother as living proof that getting the things we desire in life is 100% possible, but it's a combination of our thoughts and actions that get us there. So what are you thinking and how are you acting? What needs to change? What can you learn?

Also, it's important that you start to put together your OWN success plan. No matter what excuses or reasons you have, it is possible to get out of your parents' house, find a full-time job (who cares if it's not your "dream" job, find a "pay-my-bills" job for now), and start figuring your way out of debt.

Use all that energy that fuels the bitch in you to become more assertive and optimistic in your own life! Believe me, I have my "inner bitch" too and she can come in handle when I need to kick MYSELF in the butt when I get complacent in my own life. And it's from my biggest let-downs and disappointment that the most "good" has come in my life. Whet your appetite for a life you love by considering that what you are going through now is just the appetizer for all the good that you can cook up for the future. - Christine

Please send me your questions by posting them in the comments section below. You can also email me at

Dear Christine,

I'm living in DC because I was able to stay with my aunt and look into a school around here that I wanted to attend. I've decided I do not want to go to that school and have a part-time job that does not give me the income and stability of a full time job. And I recently found out I need to move out of my Aunts house by January 1st. I've been looking around for rooms to rent in DC, but am not very excited by what I've found. When I ask myself what I really want, I feel inspired to move to LA, where I have a friend who has a room I can stay in for $750 per month. My question is: because I just started my job about a month ago is it wisest to stay in DC for the time being or should I take this transition time as an opportunity to someplace I believe I'd like better? - Should I stay or Should I go, 26, D.C.

Dear Should I stay or Should I go,

My answer is very short and sweet: GO! Why are you hesitating? It sounds like you gave D.C. a shot and the reasons you went there (school) don't even apply anymore. Furthermore, it sounds like you've gotten in a bit of a rut - living with an older family member and working a part-time job it doesn't sound like has much potential.

I'm not usually an advocate for taking jobs and ditching them a month later; however, in your situation I'm encouraging you to listen to what you truly want rather than staying in a city just because of a part-time job with no promise of becoming full-time soon. Plus, you said nothing about liking it so I doubt it's even a job that is putting you on a career path.

You're 26 years old with no mortgage, husband, kids, or aging parents to take care of. If you don't follow your dreams now, when do you think you will? Plus $750 in LA is a great deal! (Trust me, I live here!) So start packing your bags, formatting your resume, and looking for jobs in Los Angeles. As for your current job, explain to them that you have decided to relocate and apologize for the short commitment. Tell them ASAP so they have time to fill your position and give at least two weeks notice.

Good luck on your journey west-ward. And next time...don't wait for permission to listen to what you really want.

- Christine

Please send me your questions by posting them in the comments section below. You can also email me at

*I'm currently accepting submissions for Chicken Soup for the Twenty-Something Soul. Click here for details.

Check here next Tuesday for more twenty-something advice from Christine Hassler.

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