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Lust Telepathy: An Unexplored Psychological Phenomenon (Poll)
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Lust, Lust And The Brain, Lust Telepathy, Poll, Psychology, Psychology Of Lust, Sex, The Balanced Life,
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During the first rip-your-clothes-off phase of love, psychologist and author Dr. Helen Fisher describes lust as equal to drug addiction--specifically an addiction to amphetamines, as shown by actual brain scans. Hopeless romantics like me are both intrigued and saddened to learn that the crazy-in-love phase could be pinpointed in the brain as equaling something as plebeian as snorting a bag of cocaine. Classic psychology explains that the "merging" feeling--the well-sung "losing yourself in another" moment--is something that resembles the feeling infants have of being connected to their mothers, their gaze ("mirroring") being an intrinsic part of the development of the self.
A topic that has not been discussed is the hyper-attunement between couples that leads them to feel almost telepathically connected. When it's one-sided, it's similar to referential thinking, and can seem psychotic ("That song was telling me to call you"). When it's mutual, it creates a bond between two people who believe that there is something truly magical, even fated, about their meeting.
This feeling of being so intensely connected that you know what the other is thinking (or thinking of them at the exact moment they were thinking of you) is what I refer to as "telepathic lust." It primes the couple for the next phase of love when hormones quell and sanity returns. However, the "uncanny" similarities remain as stories that keep the couple attached. This "we were meant to be" feeling can help them get through the arguments about daily life that are inevitable--or, in the case of "love addicts" (who only remain for the initial "high" time), it adds to disillusionment since the significant other is supposed to be able to continue "reading" her or his mind.
A similarly magical experience for new lovers is the "You aren't going to believe this! Remember how we were talking about pugs? I just saw one!" freaky coincidences phenomenon (don't bother looking this up in the psychiatric literature, nothing has been written about it yet). The 1984 movie "Repo Man" talks about this phenomenon in a less intellectual way--a "lattice of coincidence." That is to say, once you think about something, you will see it appear repeatedly around you. Psychologists will tell you that it is not a case of precognition; you are simply more attuned to "finding" it than before; it is not that these apparently meaningful and predictable events or thoughts are somehow flocking to you in an attempt to tell you a lottery number or save you from some fate. (You might keep in mind what Carl Sagan said: "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence" before you open your mouth again about those freaky coincidences.)
That being said, the idea in physics of "interaction at a distance" is not new (Einstein wrote about it and it's dealt with in theory of "quantum teleportation" for those of you who love science). There are numerous anecdotal accounts of lovers, mother-child couples, twins, or even military buddies being attuned to each other across large distances. Useful for our survival? Yes. Magical? The jury is still out.
So now I'm curious about your experience with this phenomenon. Take this poll below on what I call LDFCs (Lust-Driven Freaky Coincidences).
If you have anything else to add, please do so below in comments.
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I think this explains why people get addicted to drugs in the first place. I think it's all a misguided search for love.
I agree, like everything else. Lust, greed and money! The world goes around with the fuel of SEX!
All perception, emotion ,thought, anything that Humans do ,think or feel is a bunch of chemical reactions.
It doesn't lessen the wonder of it all because all life is only possible because of chemicals and the interaction with other chemicals.
So just lat night I was out with this girl and I couldn't tell whether or not we were connecting . . . we went our separate ways for the evening and I asked her to call me to let me know she got home okay. I was in the car with my friends, about 30 minutes had passed, and I was thinking, "hm, I wonder if she's going to call." My phone rang in the middle of the thought. Maybe it's dumb, but that little "coincidence" made me feel like maybe we were connected on some level. It definitely prompted me to at least ask her out again and see what happens.
This experience is empathy. You care what the other person feels and tune in, and they do to you. Sometimes it lasts past the phase in which the breeding we are programmed to attempt takes place.
We know little and will never know much of anything.
I think this is very well-put, actually. I think phenomena like this can be explained by science, or "just chemicals," it can be explained spiritually, or it can be dismissed as "all in our heads." But the truth is -- we really don't know. It's like any other quasi-psychic phenomena; it's all a choice as to what you want to believe and how you want that belief (or non-belief) to affect your life and relationships. Some choose the more rational, scientific approach, some the spiritual stance, others would rather not even get into such issues. I don't think that any of these points of view are right or wrong -- it's all a choice.
Great, You and SILVANUS will be included in the "OTHERS* category "would rather not even get into such issues". Why the comment then is the puzzle we are left with, hmmm more questions to which the answers don't come easy.
I think it's more than just chemistry. Chemistry plays a part, but there seems to be some issue involving barriers as well. I recall several bizarrely phenomenal episodes of a telepathic nature that occured during past LSD experimentation years ago. The individuals involved were not romantic interests of mine, although I am quite familiar with that variety of experience as well.
In the instances of the LSD related telepathy, it seemed to involve more of a matter of relinquishing attatchments to concepts like time and space, although an involuntary effect of the drug, that brought about the ability to "see" certain situations within dimensions that ordinairly are not available to us. Maybe romantic chemistry jostles our ordinary attachments in the same kinds of ways - though more focused on another single individual as the source. That said, do not experiment with that stuff (LSD or romantic love) unless you are super grounded in reality! But then - lots of people who think that they are grounded in reality are most likely the most delusional people of all! (I make no claims regarding my own" groundedness.")
Yes, i think Dr. Vranich makes the point that lust can function as a sort of mind-altering drug and therefore, this is a very interesting and relevant connection you make here. Anything that jostles us outside of our normal ways of thinking and being has the ability to briefly transport us into other realms of our mind that are usually unaccessible, in my experience and opinion.
I've felt connections like this just with people I'm close to, not necessarily with lovers. I have a friend at the moment with whom I'm very connected but I feel no lust towards him. It's fun when we IM each other at the same moment to suggest the same song or call each other at the same time, etc. We joke it's because we share an astrological sign.
There are connections, and not just "lust" related. People who are suddenly aware that a family member is sick or has died thousands of miles away. Call it whatever you will, but it happens.
Just because you believe it to be true Mort, does *Not* make it an objective fact. We all have those feelings and thoughts sometimes they coincide with what live throws at us, nothing more.
People don't understand *statistics* so they have mistaken and false beliefs about *Coincidences*.
http://atheism.about.com/od/parapsychology/a/coincidence.htm
Well, I think this is one valid opinion, but I don't think stuff like this can just be dismissed that easily, regardless of what the "numbers" say.
What kind of scientific poll is this?
" 1) Do you believe in Lust Telepathy?, 2) Have you ever felt it? "
Two question, and then allowing only one answer for both? What's up with that, flawed MUCH!
Q. 1) Do you believe in Lust Telepathy?
A. 1) No.
Q. 2) Have you ever felt it?
A. 2) Yes.
I have personally run an experiment on this issue, with a psychologist friend (we met on-line), the lust thingy was very strong, but our experiment was double blind (neither of us new what the other looked like, and we tried an experiment to see if we would be able to find or recognize one another by our feeling towards each other in a mutually agreed upon public place), it failed, we did not find one another. Of course, we did hook up later, but knew the "lust telepathy phenomenon" was in our heads, we, just enjoyed one another's company when together, on line or in person, a brain chemistry thingy.
That's our story, and I'm sticking to it, run the experiment yourself Dr. Vranich you'll find what I say it true.
But, not if you run the experiment like your bad polling questionnaire.
Oh, and BTW, our first kiss was magic that, floating among the stars kind, with fireworks to boot. I just got a rush (flushed) remembering it, imagine that.
I'm not sure that Dr. Vranich is making any claims that her poll here is 100% scientific, it's just interesting to see how people respond who read this column. I believe that Dr. Vranich knows how to conduct "real" scientific experiments. A poll isn't the same thing, and I'm pretty sure she knows that.
Well, from my untrained eye, I would worry about the ol'garbage in garbage out axiom, but that's just me.
What really interests me is, how can I make her as horny as I am. That would be real telepathy!
Wow. Seriously?
If you take this kind of connection to the next level, you can make it into a spiritual practice. Like Tantric sex and things like that. I strongly believe that these are signs of an intense spiritual connection. I am sure that that spiritual connection affects our physical chemistry, but I think the connection comes first, not the other way around.
Yeah, wow -- I've never seen anything written about this before! I've honestly felt this with everyone I've ever dated. When this sort of quasi-psychic phenomenon fades, so does the relationship usually, in my case. I can't be with someone I'm not completely connected to.
5/25/08
1pm
Eugene, OR
You mean, "Radar Love?" It's cool.
God, this kind of thing happened ALL the time when my husband and I first met -- and it still does. We are just as connected now, nine years later, as we were back then. He still knows exactly when to call me when I'm having a bad day. About three months after we met, we had the same dream at the same time, and that was pretty much what sealed our relationship from that point on. It's interesting to hear (and see from the poll) that this is such a common experience. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels oddly disappointed by this knowledge. i just thought my husband and I were special.
I favor the biological explanation of complimentary pheromones which can almost explain the situation described above. Unfortunately, in a crowded environment, the pheromone experiment is difficult to demonstrate....but telepathic lust is even less possible to demonstrate scientifically, although something very like that.....or exactly like that... has happened to me and probably to most everyone.
I would like to see a repeatable scientific explanation. But I never will. The attraction just happens, across the room or across the street.
It is very rare, but exceptionally enjoyable and rewarding. Let us simply attribute it to Cupid's arrow which was one of the first written explanations of the phenomenon.
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