Pity Parties and Crying After Sex

Q. My boyfriend got fired has been especially whinny and full of self-pity lately. Any advice? - Get off the pity pot, Atlanta

A: Get him to talk (venting for a while is good). Cut him off at about half hour (not letting him mull is good). Commiserate for a few minutes (his feeling understood is good). Then watch the movie Murderball about Olympic paraplegic rugby players - that should give him some perspective pronto.


Q: Sometimes I feel like crying after sex. Is that normal? - Tearful in LA

A: I saw this question asked in Time Out New York, then heard it on Loveline a few months later, so there must be a lot of tearing up happening in the sack lately. The answer depends on a few things. Do you also feel like crying during the day for no good reason? This is called "being labile," and is a symptom of depression. Your post-coital crying could also signify a release of tension. People often shed a few tears during a massage for that reason. Now be careful: if after sex you feel sad and empty, and this makes you want to cry, well, then that is totally different. That is probably the result OF you feeling distanced from the person you have just been physically intimate with. If it's "happy tears" it may be the release of oxytocin (warm and fuzzy connection hormones) that release after being intimate. Keep a journal and note what you are feeling and thinking when it happens. Also see if crying outside of sex helps, and make sure your partner knows it's not about their performance.