Q. My boyfriend got fired has been especially whinny and full of self-pity lately. Any advice? - Get off the pity pot, Atlanta
A: Get him to talk (venting for a while is good). Cut him off at about half hour (not letting him mull is good). Commiserate for a few minutes (his feeling understood is good). Then watch the movie Murderball about Olympic paraplegic rugby players - that should give him some perspective pronto.
Q: Sometimes I feel like crying after sex. Is that normal? - Tearful in LA
A: I saw this question asked in Time Out New York, then heard it on Loveline a few months later, so there must be a lot of tearing up happening in the sack lately. The answer depends on a few things. Do you also feel like crying during the day for no good reason? This is called "being labile," and is a symptom of depression. Your post-coital crying could also signify a release of tension. People often shed a few tears during a massage for that reason. Now be careful: if after sex you feel sad and empty, and this makes you want to cry, well, then that is totally different. That is probably the result OF you feeling distanced from the person you have just been physically intimate with. If it's "happy tears" it may be the release of oxytocin (warm and fuzzy connection hormones) that release after being intimate. Keep a journal and note what you are feeling and thinking when it happens. Also see if crying outside of sex helps, and make sure your partner knows it's not about their performance.
Yes. He should get a new girlfriend who understands the meaning of sympathy.
Being close to someone else can also bring up old feelings, that you couldn't feel when you were alone. The warmth, the closeness to another, can sometimes bring up old feelings of lonliness.
If you feel comfortable with sharing those feelings, you can ask your partner to hold you and talk about them. Being intimate means being intmate and sharing your feelings with your parnter, can be a way to express them, and ulitmately resolve them.
People have PLENTY of reasons to cry. Life is hard, life hurts. I am so sorry if my tear inconvience you.
So bite me!
Ask her if she normally cries when she sees or experiences something beautiful. Then you'll realize her tears are ultimately quite a compliment.
BUT it wasn't just after sex, but after orgasm. If she didn't make the Big O then no problem but after getting off, she cried.
Kind of freaked him out.
The relationship didn't last long, but it was the only time I have ever heard of this phenomenon.
Strange to hear it is more common than I would have expected.
She refused to tell me why. In light of your post its now apparent that she had become
emotional distant even though it took another 5 years for her to ask for a divorce.
The "I hate you but you make me feels so good" conflict could certainly cause tears.
It's what I suspected but never knew for certain.
Mystery solved.
Thank You.