Pregnancy, Orgasms, And Lying About Your Age

Q: A guy friend of mine insists that by talking in a low voice he can get women to lean in more because they have to try to listen. I know I've stepped in closer to a guy at a bar in order to hear him. Is this a thing guys do often that I didn't know about?

A: That only works if you want to hear what he is saying. Men like to think there are tricks or one-liners to get women; fact is that if we're leaning in to listen to what he is saying, we've already made the decision that we're interested.

Q: My wife and I are going to start trying to have a baby. I heard that if a woman orgasms, she's more likely to get pregnant. Is that true?

A: Yes. When a woman climaxes the muscular contractions and uterine suction pull more sperm into the cervix than if she does not have an orgasm. Luckily you don't have to have on-screen synchronized orgasms - as long as she does one minute before he ejaculates to 45 minutes after, you are good to go.

Q: I read somewhere that fashion magazines can make you depressed. Are there any out there that you, as a psychologist, would recommend then?

A: If you need some fashion, get Marie Claire; they do excellent reporting as well. Bust is fabulous (and I rarely use that word). Widen your magazine horizons and try Radar; they give you better and more accurate gossip and are hilarious to boot.

Q: I just got divorced and started putting together my profile for internet dating. I am 52, but I feel a lot younger. Can't I write that I am 47?

A: Here is why that doesn't work. When you are a kid, you want to be older; in fact, you are so anxious to be older that you count the years by month increments ("I'm six and half, I'm eleven and three quarters," etc). Next come a few years where you are where you want to be. These fly by, you don't even notice--until you go to fill out some questionnaire, and all of the sudden you are in the 35-45 block. Suddenly your brain automatically rounds to the number and you realize you are closer to 50 than anything else. Now you start figuring out reasons you should lie. Fact is, everyone reading this feels younger than their chronological age. One reason is that we live in a society where being young is good and being old is bad. Another reason is that there is a new idea that "real age" and "chronological age" are different--so we are all polite, and guess lower than we really think when faced with the question, "How old do you think I am?" Gush, gush, no, really? Wow, I'd never known. Blah, blah. I remember The Post writing an article about me some years back, with a cute picture attached, and when I unabashedly mentioned I was 39, my father's first response was, "Why did you say that?" (Oh, Dad, hang in there; we have fertility treatments now, there is still hope.)

So back to the topic. The women who are internet dating know that men who are older can look better, so they include men who are George Clooney's age, Sylvester Stallone's age, even Hugh Hefner's age, if that is what they're into. If you fib, you are starting the relationship with a lie. Plus if you put your real age, but a super cute picture, you can contact women whose age range you don't fit into, but in a more respectful way. Then they can decide if they want to contact you.

By the way, we also adjust for height, and take an inch off as well. Sorry.

Comments

[josephjsalas]

Silly Women! Mature Women are In! Just pay a little more attention to the red wine types!

[BluGrrl]

Your over 40? You look great! Any skin care related tips?

[mamacat]

Looking at the picture that accompanies this blog, may I say that Mr. Hefner could do the women of this country a big service by telling those who apply to Playboy for modeling work that only "natural" women need apply. Plastic breasts should be shown by themselves, without a woman attached, and women should be shown without plastic breasts attached.
Just my point of view.

[LordMoon]

As I have gotten older I have realized that I don't really want a relationship anymore. I have other relationships with family that are rewarding, and I realize that in order to have a relationship with someone, it would take time away from my family. Then having another person there would be an imposition on them and my time with them.

I don't really want to be caught up in having to reject myself, to be what someone else wants. I don't want to become a product of our culture, rushing here and there trying to enjoy every second, chasing after time, for what? Trying to hold on to something, that is better let go of.

In my experience it's better to just be alone, than to go through all the calculations that go with relationshps now. There are just too many liabilites for a man, and not enough rewards.

[speakyourmind]

In my 20s and 30s if I read a comment like that, I would have felt sad for you. And here I am about to turn 44 and let me just say "GIRL, I TOTALLY HEAR YOU!!" And before all the posters out there want to tell how much I love my cats, I do not have any. And yes, I am currently in a long-term relationship, but I still have to agree with you.

[americaforme]

Women are better equiped to play games...It's a God given ability, I didn't earn it. Every young women thinks she is a Marti Hari. If you think you've won in the matters of heart, brain, feelings,you auItomatically cancel out. We're good at what we do, no explaination. Being good at Sadie Hawlkings day,(men like to idealise courtship) is the farce most men believe...Things we do or don't do is all the game.

[brooklyncitizen]

Well some of us look way younger....and that isn't necessarily a "good" thing in the workplace. Gravitas is not always a by-product of aging. Aging is wonderful, as long as it goes hand in hand with personal maintenance.

[wmbear]

DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T DYE OUR HAIR AND BEARDS...

And use anti-wrinkle treatments to get those "cute pictures," though, does it? Plus I have met guys in their sixties who were totally buff and if you've seen a picture of Jane Fonda lately, well, you know she's still a major fox of the world. Plus, supposedly, "Sixty is the new forty." We wish, right? Well, it may actually be. I will confess (because I'm not currently "looking" -- happily single, thank you! ) that I'm several years past what used to be the mandatory retirement age. I'm on Medicare and collecting SS, and I just got a terrific permanent position with a software company that looks to hopefully last for a while. I plan to work till I die if someone will keep me on. And BTW, I did NOT lie about my age.

(My mother, when she was teaching, back in the days when there WAS mandatory retirement at 65 shaved one year off her age when she registered with SS. And then she went around feeling guilty about it and worried she's get "caught" for years! No, she never did and got to teach that extra year.)

[medon]

make that - About one half the women have lied about their ages " as far as I can tell.

[slg]

I didn't realize you could only date people whose age you fit into. I suppose if people just went around dating anybody they wanted too the people making the rules would be out of a job. What a disaster that would be.

[medon]

You’re so right – AND you’re wrong also. I have tons of experience meeting people from online. About ½ the women have lied about their ages – as far as I can tell.

I’ll shorten this up – I just met a woman from Craigslist from an ad her daughter put on. The daughter said her Mom was 60 – turned out she was 67 – 2 years older than I. We have a lot of compatibility, romance not being one of them. We went camping and hiking in the desert for a week together after 3 hiking dates in LA. We’ll apparently be good friends for a while. The point here for me was – not only do women lie about their own ages they lie about other women’s also. LOL

I met a woman who said she was 60 – actually she was 70! We also got along great – spent a weekend together in Reno doing shows etc. No romance. She soon afterward left for a cruise with some guy 82 who had tons of moola.

I met a woman who said she was 55 who was, in fact, 65. We had a lot of chemistry! from the start. I asked her why she had lied and she said she was sure she could get away with it based on her looks and energy which was totally true [she had never had children]. She took groups hiking to Macchu Pichu etc. We had great sex for a while. She had one of the best bodies I’ve come across.

I recently psyched out an ad for a woman who said she was 60 – she was 67. We got along great, I soon slept over, we had a lot of compatibility etc. She found a doctor in LA for my hip replacement THEN she dumped me as she determined I did not have anywhere near the amount of money she wanted in a partner. This was, I think, with a lot of input from her family who may have been afraid I would somehow get involved with the large estate this woman managed as executrix. Whatever.

My online dating dictums:
. meet the person face to face as soon as possible
. use your intuition always, I’ve met some great and lovely people who did not have a photo
. don’t adjudicate everyone as a marriage partner or soul mate – just look for compatibility and friendship in SOME area. Friends are harder to come by then spouses – and usually lots less expensive

[TOOO]

I had a similar experience online - except she didn't lie about her age, she lied about her marital status. Later, she introduced her husband to others in the chatroom - and forgot I was still there.

I don't talk to her much any more.

[wmbear]

FUNNY STORIES!...

I actually had an extremely attractive young woman in my apartment building come on to me (I won't say how, but it was definitely unmistakable; I don't think I'm just flattering myself). I made a point of telling her (and I quote), "I don't have much money. If I did, I wouldn't be living in this shithole." (Our building is, shall we say, not exactly the Ritz.) Pretty romantic of me, right? But I'm in the process of getting out of a marriage to a younger woman who was also a total fox (hey, sorry, that's just my thing!) I'm not inclined to repeat the experience any time soon.

Anyway, a romance did not develop and I'm just as happy it didn't. She has a ton of health problems (mostly "psychosomatic" as far as I can tell) and a somewhat annoying personality to boot. It's not all just youth versus age.

I've also gone out with and gotten a bit romantically involved with a couple of married women and my take on that is, never again! I guess some guys get off on the idea that they're stealing someone else's woman but not me. I actually felt pretty shitty about this side of it.