Although I can answer most "Dear Doc" questions I receive to some extent or
another, some stump even me. This week I got this one - any suggestions?
I just joined a gym in the neighborhood and noticed a really skinny
girl working out. By the time I get there, she is full throttle doing
cardio on the elliptical runner, and when I leave two hours later, she shows no signs of slowing. In the changing room last week, I couldn't help side glancing at her. Her back was
painfully bony, legs and arms spindly, and literally looked like a skeleton. I
can't help thinking she has anorexia and find myself worried about her
health even though it's none of my business. I see her there every
single time I am there. I'm worried that one day she won't come back.
Is there anything I can say or do?
Anyone have any creative, outrageous or just simply kind advice?
While I'm stuck on this, I did, however, manage to dig up three pieces of unorthodox advice to parents
of tweens or adolescent girls that I used during a presentation last year.
Your adolescent son has to grapple with the vague concept that women are attracted to
"confidence" when they talk about male sex appeal (men's magazines will tell them). No
young man can tell you what that really means; often they unfortunately misconstrue it to mean arrogance.
For girls, you should tell them that "pretty" isn't a place you should be striving to get to your whole life. In fact, the words "ugly" and the "pretty" mean almost nothing, given how subjective and malleable their definitions can be.
Here are some suggestions to help this idea hit home with them.
1. Take your daughters and sons to open dressing rooms. They need to see real
people naked. (Yipes, during my last trip to Loehmann's, l was startled at the
number of grandmotherly types sporting thongs. Note to my own mom: let's stick
to boyshorts, okay?).
2. Show your daughters how make-up and Photoshop work so you can bust
the myth of perfection. Most women do not have the ridiculously long
torsos of Shape magazine covers and turning bat wings into taut triceps takes lots of consistent work.
3. Without being catty, make sure she sees those "stars without makeup"
articles that magazines feature every once in a while, or "Just Like Us" columns
that show zits and backfat (or strange discolored hands like Katie
Holmes has, hmm).
A reality check can be the best piece of advice we can provide in our beauty-obsessed world.