Afghan Presidential Election Outcome Won't Be Known Until the Very Last Fake Vote Is Cast

03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

In international election news, the Afghan presidential election is heating up, and won't be decided until the very last fake vote is cast. Current Afghan President, Hamid Karzai, was seen as the favorite to win the obviously corrupt election, but his opponent Abdullah Abdullah, recently challenged the incumbent by miraculously receiving votes from the same, dead, and non-existent voters.

"This has been a very close fake election," said a Karzai-supporter. "My entire extended family and I voted for Karzai 15 times each today, yet he still can't seem to pull away from Abdullah. I am just very blessed to live in a country where we can not only vote for our president, but vote as many times as we desire."

Even Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, who is on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, praised Karzai for his ability to excite so many fake voters to vote in the presidential election.

"The ability to attract millions of fake voters is a sign of a true leader," said Kerry, who stood next to Karzai on a podium made out of several stacks of Yellow Pages. "It is obvious from this election that the people of Afghanistan have tasted Democracy, and have let the juices drip down from their hungry, poverty-stricken mouths. This election will most certainly go down in history as one of the finest corrupt elections. Savor this moment, for who knows if there will ever been any more moments [ever again]."

According to sources, the 2009 Afghan presidential election has been by far the most popular election in Afghan history. Approximately 75 million people have voted in the election so far, which is an outstanding record considering there are less than 30 million citizens of Afghanistan.

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