Do you find it stressful to shop for holiday gifts? According to a poll by Consumer Reports, the No. 1 thing that Americans dread during the holidays is crowds and long lines -- so say 64 percent of Americans. And 55 percent say they hate driving in shopping centers and bad traffic during the holidays. Or maybe you don't know what to get for your mom who already has everything. Or your dad, who doesn't want anything. Or your sister, who hates whatever you get her anyways. Or maybe all you do is trade gift cards with others, because that's by far the easiest thing to do. Gift-giving is hard!
Well, I'm going to suggest a different idea for a gift to you, one which involves no shopping, one which the recipient is guaranteed to like. You will actually enjoy making the gift and giving it. And best of all, it's completely free.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Wait, did he just say 'making the gift'? Whoa! Uh-uh, that's not me, I can wrap presents, but that's the extent of my craft-making skills. I think he's talking about somebody else." No, actually, I'm talking about you. Don't worry, my gift idea can work for anybody. Let me explain what I mean.
Do you remember the last time that you had a really good day? I bet that it had something to do with someone saying something nice to you. I remember one of the best days I had in the past year. It was when I received a truly heartfelt recommendation on my LinkedIn profile from a colleague and friend.
I'm a software engineer at LinkedIn, and I participate in a mentoring program called Startin (that's not a typo; everything at LinkedIn ends with "IN"). I was lucky enough to work with a woman named Michelle Carrega, who was the first program manager for that program. I worked with her pretty closely when the program first started out, giving her my feedback and ideas. We've worked closely together since then. Michelle is one of the most positive, most hard-working people I've ever met. My work with Startin is very rewarding, but it's not necessarily reflected in my official performance evaluation as a software engineer. Because of that, I wanted to make sure that people will recognize my work, and I thought, what better way to do that than to ask Michelle to give me a recommendation on my LinkedIn profile? And she wrote me a recommendation that put a lump in my throat because I could tell that she truly appreciated how much I cared about young engineers fresh out of college.
I'm not telling you this story just to brag, but to explain my idea for your gift. Think about the last time that you told your spouse or partner, your children, your parents, or your friends how much you valued them, how much you loved them. No, I don't mean "love you, bye" on the phone, or "love you, have a nice day, sweetie." I mean REALLY tell them. Now, you might say, "Oh, I don't know. That sounds kind of mushy. I'm not that kind of person. My family/friends know how much I love them. I think. I hope. And anyways, it's not like I'm going to die tomorrow. I'll probably have time to tell them later."
That's what you tell yourself. But can you really know for sure that you'll be here tomorrow, you'll be here to tell them? And that brings me to a trick that I want to tell you about. I want you to imagine that, for whatever unexpected reason, you were unable to tell your loved ones how much you loved them before you passed away. I know, this sounds bad, and I hope you're not superstitious. Just bear with me for a moment. Imagine that the only thing you could do was to write a letter to them, a single letter. That was your only chance to tell them everything that you would have wanted to tell them if you were alive. That was your only chance. What would you say?
Would you tell them how much they've changed your life? Would you tell them how much good they bring to the world? Would you tell them about all the things about them, the weird habits, the corny jokes, the pet peeves, the nicknames, that make them an irreplaceable light in your life, that make life worth living in this world? Would you tell them about the accomplishments that they're proud of, and all the things about them that you are proud of? Would you tell them that you notice how much they care about becoming a wiser mother, a gentler father, a better musician, a smarter worker, a more caring mentor, a better human being?
If you want to give someone a priceless gift, don't buy them a gift card. Don't rack your brain trying to figure out what they want. What they want is to matter and to feel loved. Write a letter telling them how you love them, and wrap it up as their present. I guarantee you they will like it.
Ben Lai (@benlainw) is a software engineer in Silicon Valley. He is also a blogger on the Huffington Post and an author. His book, "Never Were", is a story that shows how ordinary people can reform democracy, rehumanize capitalism, and stop climate change. It is available on Amazon (or http://bit.ly/neverwere). He maintains a blog at www.never-were.com.