THE BLOG
12/17/2012 08:42 pm ET Updated Feb 16, 2013

Before You Say I Do, Again: Listen To The Voice Of Public Opinion

When you are dating after a failed marriage, it is often easy to lose your objectivity. To you, your new beau is amazing and wonderful -- so much better than your first choice. Why would you want to hear anything different? When it seems the possibility of remarriage is on the horizon, it is time to check the voices of public opinion. Yule time is here, and your eyes all aglow -- but there are lots of voices caroling around the tree that you can and should trust, including family and confidantes.

You tell people you finally met the person of your dreams. She is so beautiful. He is incredible. And now, the wedding date is set and the invitations are in the mail. Finally, the big day arrives. And as you walk down the aisle, you view a sea of smiles. But do you also see some smirks? Do you sense that some of your guests are murmuring something?

What are they saying? Are they talking about my beautiful tiara? As you walk the walk toward the altar, music deafens all other sounds and in a few moments, you are pronounced husband and wife once again and live happily ever after.

STOP. REWIND

Are you impulsive? Are you a non-conformist? Perhaps you should have listened to the voices of public opinion before you said "I do" again. Behind those smirks may have been warnings given to you before that memorable day. But you were too much in love to read all those messages. And the ones that you did read, you did not listen to. You may have believed that others were jealous. Your kids -- trying to safeguard an inheritance. Or your mother -- simply worried about spending less time with you if you remarried. However, in looking back and possibly facing yet another divorce now, don't you wish that you did take time to read rather than speed to another marriage? The fact is that second and third marriages are more vulnerable to divorce than your first one.

Love is blind; great sex may be even blinder, deafer and dumber. If it can happen to brilliant leaders, smart celebrities, billionaires and all the neat people we admire, it can happen to you. But had you listened to trusted friends and relatives who were not thrilled about the man or woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, you would not be reading this now.

Of course, the ultimate decision as to whom you marry is yours alone. But sometimes, the excitement of spending our lives with someone again clouds our judgments. During the pain of divorce and loneliness, a new lover appeared who opened up possibilities of a happy life. You want to jump right in. But before you walk the aisle again, open you ears and listen this time. Pay special attention to the people in your life who sincerely have your best interest at heart. Listen to parents, friends and allies, and don't right away assume people are jealous or envious that you are getting remarried.

December is a big month for getting engaged. Unfortunately, then comes January, a big one for filing for divorce.

If the source has always been sincere, there is no reason to doubt that now. Don't hold an election and forget to count the ballots. Read the signs that pop up along the rocky road to remarriage. Weigh public opinion. Think it through. Hear it out. Get introspective. Then seek your truth and disregard the rest.

Benjamin Berkley, Esq., author of "Before You Say I Do Again: A Buyer's Beware Guide to Remarriage" (2009) has first hand experience of client remarriage and its pitfalls, successes and failures. For the past 34 years, Benjamin Berkley has conducted a busy general law practice in Southern California that includes divorce, estate planning, family law, social security disability appeals and bankruptcy. He has also served as Judge Pro Tem for California's Orange County Superior Court. Berkley is the author of five books including his debut novel, "Against My Will" (September, 2012) ben.berkley.com

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