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Keeping America Scrotum-Free

You may be mad as hell about the Surge, outraged by genocide in Dafur, scandalized by the exploitation of Anna Nicole Smith's death, and deeply anxious about global warming, but me, I'm a realist and can deal with stuff like this. I mean this stuff is what America is all about. But I do have limits. And now they've tested those limits, and I have to admit, I'm finally pissed off.

The New York Times (I mean isn't it supposed to be a family newspaper?), the New York Times ran an article on the front page of the Sunday edition (which families sit on the parlor floor and read together) about a kid's book featuring this.... well let me just say it, a book featuring the word "scrotum."

And I'm every bit as mad about it as those librarians and teachers around America who the Times reports are saying GET THIS "CHILDREN'S BOOK" (YEAH, RIGHT, FOR SEX-CRAZED PSYCHOPATHS!) GET THIS FILTHY BOOK WITH THIS FILTHY WORD IN IT OUT OF OUR LIBRARIES AND SCHOOLS! Amen. And out of the New York Times too.

Apparently, you can hardly get through page one of this kiddie porn book without running into a story about a rattlesnake biting a dog on... OK, I'll say it, on its "scrotum." S-c-r-o-t-u-m: scrotum. We're supposed to get upset about what's going on in Dafur and Bagdad and right here in the USA they're feeding kids stories about a dog's scrotum!? The book is called The Higher Power of Lucky, probably to throw us off the scent (as it were). And some outfit called Newbery gave the book a medal to boot, no doubt to get parents thinking it's OK to have their kids reading about scrotums.. (scrota? scroti? Hey, I'm supposed to know the plural of porn terms like scrotum?)

I wonder if the folks at Newbery ever bothered to look up the definition of scrotum in Webster's? Well I did bother (some one has to care about standards!), and here's what it says (warning: this is an R-rated definition and if your kids are into blogs, don't let them read this): according to Webster a scrotum is "a pouch of skin that contains the testes and their coverings." Man, how filthy is that? And people are complaining about Guantanamo? They think the pictures from al Grahib Prison are dirty, but let this filth into our Middle School libraries?

I don't believe in censorship, and I can appreciate that prime time television sporting shows like The L Word and Desperate Housewives and that video games like Grand Theft Auto trafficking in murder and mayhem (and some hidden sexual programming) are OK for the kids, (I mean they got to learn about sex and violence sometime, don't they?) but when you start talking about scrotums in children's "literature" (yeah, right!), I draw the line. I mean can you imagine what a fourteen year old who probably never heard the words vagina or penis (except maybe in school, or on television, or at home and in the library) is going to think when she reads the word scrotum and then looks it up in Webster's only to find it means "a pouch of skin that contains the testes"? Not just the testes, but "their coverings." Yuk! You might as well just drop that young lady off at the nearest brothel and consign her to a life of sin.

So let's go bloggers, let's keep America scrotum-free. I mean they are worrying about illegal immigrants crossing our borders when scrotum is right here in our midst? It's not global warming or al Qaeda or shrinking civil liberties or genocide in Africa or young Americans dying in the Middle East for no one is quite sure what that threatens our security and undermines our liberty. It's testes in your face. That pouch of skin covering our kids' pliant minds. Yeah, sure folks, we're a tolerant nation, a GOOD nation. But a pouch of skin containing the testes doesn't belong in a kid's book; nor in a family newspaper. Nor in this blog (sorry about that). In fact, truth be told, I'm not even sure what a scrotum is doing on a dog. Buster needs a scrotum? A tail isn't enough?

We've got to draw the line somewhere: I say let's draw it right right across that dog's ass: between his penis and his anus - no need to worry kids with a pouch of testes (whatever those are) in between.