This may come as a surprise to my readers, but I am voting for John McCain and Sarah Palin to be our 44th and 45th president. As recent events demonstrate, these are dire times which require boldness and leadership. Our system of government is breaking down and we need a maverick to come in to shake things up and end business as usual.
Who better to shake things up than John McCain, since he's been there for 26 years and should know where the shaking is needed most. I bet you he has built up quite a long "to do" list over those years and now he can actually start checking some of them off. McCain also can be a uniter since he can bring together both Republicans (whom he almost always voted with) and Democrats since he's friends with Joe Lieberman.
We can be sure that McCain won't be led astray by Washington lobbyists since under a McCain administration they won't be working for Exxon-Mobil or AT&T. Instead they'll be working for the USA as part of a McCain administration. That's putting country first.
These are very dangerous times and we need a seasoned commander at the helm. The press has made a big deal about the Senator's reference to "President Putin of Germany," thinking Spain was in Latin America, that Czechoslovakia still existed, confusing African countries and getting all those folks in the Middle East mixed up, but that's not really an issue. Since the senator has already said that he won't meet with half the world leaders, he will have plenty of time to prepare for the few he actually talks with. More importantly, electing John McCain will send a signal to the evil doers that America means business, since they have seen him sing "bomb Iran" or may have heard about how he roughed up one of the Nicaraguan commies during negotiations in the heat of the cold war. Go ahead axis of evil, make our day!
John McCain is also for fewer taxes. Sure, the deficit will balloon, interest rates will rise, the economy may tank, roads and bridges may collapse, but I at least would get $600 in my wallet. Everyone makes such a big deal about the deficit and how we will become a second rate power since China will own all our debt, but what's wrong with second rate? Look at Great Britain; they seem to be doing just fine not having to be the world's policeman and you don't see them invading Grenada or other dinky countries.
It is true that John McCain may be as old as Moses, but he has picked a spunky vice president in Sarah Palin. The press makes a big deal about how she's lying when she says she said "no" to the "Bridge to Nowhere" or that she sold the state jet on eBay, but they ignore the fact that she sounds presidential in doing so. She's also more educated than the Democratic ticket since she went to five different colleges (Hawaii Pacific, North Idaho College, University of Idaho and Matanuska-Susitna College) whereas Biden just went to two and Obama only three.
In addition, everyone makes a big fuss about her lack of foreign policy credentials, but they forget the fact that in the 19th Century a number of our presidents were country bumpkins who didn't know the difference between Moscow, PA and the Russian capitol. Granted we were an agrarian society and certainly no superpower during that era, but the principle remains the same. Just look at the mess the current administration's foreign policy experts got us into; maybe we should replace the Bush Doctrine with the Bumpkin Doctrine.
I'm voting for McCain because he's a straight talker and I often agree with his view on things, and when I don't, usually if I wait a few days he comes around. The Democrats make a big deal of their McCain lie counter and flip-tracker -- each of which are over 60, but I want a president to be a man of character and John McCain showed that as a POW in Vietnam. I think that is a better reflection of the Senator's character than how he has conducted himself in his 26 years in Congress.
Some of you may think I am not sincere and that this is an exercise in sarcasm (which Gov. Palin told her daughter was forbidden until she was married), but I assure you that I am as sincere in my beliefs as Sen. McCain is in his (whatever they may be that day).
Originally Published in the Santa Monica Daily Press.
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My response to the question: are the Repubs are more fiscally responsible?
Ok, what?!?!?! You're kidding right? When Clinton left office we had a HUGE budget surplus (wasn't it around 3 trillion? I shouldn't quote numbers I don't know, but still, it was HUGE!) GUESS what we have now?????? a Trillion dollar DEFICIT!! And that means WE the taxpayers are going to have to pay that off. (Which the republicans won't admit because they are full of lies and propaganda--- to get your vote). Either that or we'll pay for it in other ways such as: a crumbling education system, recession and loss of all those hard earned dollars regular people have been putting into their 401Ks, foreclosures, lost jobs to overseas, rising prices of everything, less financial aid available to students and returning students like yourself, etc......................................... and WHY are things in such rotten shape? Its because the Republicans in charge (and who will continue to be in charge if, God Forbid McCain gets in) because of this billion dollar a day WAR that we never should have gotten into!!! Iraq never had weapons of mass destruction (that was a LIE) AND Iraq never had NOTHING to do with 9/11.
Finally, McCain has skin cancer and is OLD, and do we REALLY want a looser and anti-feminist like Palin running our country, when it will be the SUPER-RIGHT WING FUNDAMENTALISTS running her???????????? NO, I don't think so. We have to vote for Obama.
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Thank you all for your comments. Unfortunately, I must report that in light of the economic crisis, I have decided to suspend all further sarcasm. Cheers.
Thank you for the lightness in a time of dark shadows. I always enjoy reading your in-depth, well thought out material even though times are tougher now than they have been.
You're a true patriot. Bless you Bennet Kelley.
For a moment there I thought that you were switching parties on us but I should have known better. Mr. Kelley, I love your columns. Please do keep them coming!
When I saw the headline to this piece I started dialing the number for the nearest psychiatric hospital because I was sure that Bennet Kelley would need one.
The scary part about this is that the contents of this article are the EXACT same thoughts and views that McCain has, and why he has convinced himself he would be President.
Going along with the 43rd and 44th, which I believe would actually be 44th and 45th theme.
As healthy has McCain appears this looks like it would be four months of his last 26 years and the rest would be something so difficult to imagine as to be overwhelming.
Chancy Gardener but without the humanity. The movie "Idiotocracy" but without the funny parts.
This is funny. The scary part is somebody will use some of your arguments to defend McCain and make a fool of themselves!! I love satire & sarcasm.
Sometimes we must laugh to keep from crying!
I think....I question...
I vote Obama/Biden!!!!
What's so sad is that the irony of his entire campaign/candidacy (including his selection of Palin) is lost on soooooo many people.
Funny.
I love the 26 year old "to-do" list. Everytime I hear McCain brag about his experience, I want to remind him that not all experience is equal. Some of us learn from it. Some of us don't.
Ya know, I almost fell for this. But when I checked out Bennett, I realized that this really is satire and sarcasm at its finest!
I could feel my blood pressure rising and MY left eye started twitching.....Until I read the rest of your post.
Thankfully the bp's returned to normal and the eye is only twitching sporadically.
And I had a good laugh. Thank you.
I see you've got jokes...very clever :0)
Not gonna lie I was formulating a long statement about how you should think about everything you just wrote... But now I see that you have made a phenominal point about the Conservative agenda. Kudos to you:-)
Unfortunately many of the points you made are exactly what Republicans are using to promote their candidates. Crazy - I think yes.
American's are smarter than McCain/Palin - and as optimistic as this sounds: They don't stand a chance against Obama/Biden.
"American's are smarter than McCain/Palin", sorry NO they are NOT!
Ha ha ha. I was about to bop you and call you all kinds of names. Bad words were involved (the ones I thought might make it past the moderators and a few I figured wouldn't but thought I'd type them anyway just for the pleasure of it.)
Bennet you are baaaad. :-)
:) I was just going to say "sad....very sad indeed".
Man, he had me going BIG time! GREAT SATIRE.
Ha ha...and I was just going to say "sad...very very sad".
Great satire!
I was just gonna call him a 'racist.' (LOL)
...just kidding of course.
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bad words? please share . . . :)
Ah - but that would be tellin'. :-)
Hah. You did have me fooled for a second. I hope people read this piece very carefully, it took me a second read before I got the satire. :-) Your paragraph on Sarah Palin was the deciding factor. Still, I wonder how many folks will take this seriously. Apparently there are still a few voters out there who don't realize that voting for McCain is a bad idea. A vote for McCain is, as Patton Oswalt once said about KFC's Famous Bowls, " a failure pile in a sadness bowl."
Actually ventured on to this blog to getter a better sense of what nimrod would/ could actually, intelligently, put into words any suitable reason for supporting a McCain / Palin ticket. Happy to see that most intellectual people haven't taken a complete leave of their senses and have also found a way to humor themselves and others to boot, during this debacle!!!
Bravo....
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