What is it about giving? Why does it make you feel so great?
You probably heard about Warren Buffet's & Bill Gates' "Giving Pledge" earlier this year, resulting in forty billionaire families donating over half their fortunes to charitable causes. Last week they were back at it, spreading the word in China. "Awesome", "Jolly good show."
Judging by the kick I get out of giving one birthday gift, these folks will be living on a high till they die. 'Nice work if you can get it', eh?
As a side note: sadly, one of Britain's great philanthropists has done just that; Jim Heselden, the owner of Segway Inc, gave away over 23 million pounds before he segued (thanks for the bad pun, Mike) his way off a cliff to the afterlife earlier last week.
As Arianna highlights in her new book, "Third World America: How Our Politicians Are Abandoning the Middle Class and Betraying the American Dream", most of us are getting poorer and poorer these days. It seems like even the joy of giving is becoming a luxury item for the rich.
Maybe not.
I was fortunate to be at a really inspirational writers' conference in San Diego recently. Russell Bishop was there too and he seemed to enjoy it. To be fair, the main gist of the matter was how to learn to become a best-selling author and, to be candid, make money. I cannot claim that I was motivated by altruism. I'd like to say I was, but I'd be lying.
The Faustian deal goes something like: Step one: make a lot of money. Step two: give away a lot of money and feel good about making lots of money. That's pretty fair, right? A bit of give and take; a win-win scenario?
How egotistical is that? And irony abounds, because my writing is all about trying to steer myself and others away from the false ego. Doh!
There is hope though. I experienced two really powerful moments in the weekend. Don't get me wrong, the speakers were first class. The organizers are energetic, warm and giving people (hugs to the amazing Arielle Ford and Mike Koenigs) and I learned a bundle from them and from other generous writers and publishers.
But for me, the two most powerful moments were when Vivian Glyck told us about her Just Like My Child Foundation that helps kids and mothers in Uganda, and when we saw a re-run of Bill Gates making an appeal for support in the fight against malaria. The contrast of these islands of selflessness, set in a sea of "what's in for me?" really got me thinking about the power of giving.
I am exploring what it takes to shuck off the yoke of the false ego in daily life, and aspire to 'ways of the spirit'. Sure, I can go on retreats and get all inspired for a month maybe. Certainly, I read and try to practice the teachings. But, quite honestly, when someone pushes into the line at Starbucks and sends my papers flying all over the floor, it's hard to be spiritual.
"Aha", the Christian might say, "I know the answer! Do what Jesus would do."
Well that's fair, but to do what Jesus would do, I'd have to think what Jesus would think and hey, I'm an agnostic. So the argument goes for Buddha and Mohammed too. I would love to emulate them, but I am not a holy man, to be sure.
My journey to spiritual enlightenment ... scratch that... my journey to be a halfway-descent person has brought me to this so far:
That the four things that really matter in life are Love, Art, Wonder and Joy.
If I practice Love I will experience Joy. If let my Art (i.e. my expression of self) shine, I will experience Joy. If I open myself to Wonder and Awe of this amazing Universe, I will experience Joy.
And as my wise buddy Tom Clarke tells me, experience all these and you have a good shot of attaining a State of Grace.
So what has all this to do with the American Dream and giving?
The really good news is that to experience these daily, in any given moment, you don't have to go on a three week retreat; you don't have to have a guru; you don't have to read all the self help books...
...In any given action or thought, you simply have to make a spirit-guided, rather than ego-driven, choice:
If you want to experience Joy from Wonder, explore the 'why'?
If you want to experience Joy from your Art, express the unique You... and if you want to experience Joy from Love, then Give.
Giving freely is love. Giving yourself to others in a conversation or joint endeavor is caring, loving. Empathizing is giving; think how you can give something to this person; Give yourself to your partner freely. Be kind in your giving. Be kind to yourself too.
Egos Take. Spirits Give.
During the middle of the first day of the conference, I suddenly realized that I had brought my ego to San Diego instead of my spirit! What to do? Fortunately, my ego had brought twenty copies of one of my self-published books to the conference (a children's book brilliantly illustrated by Kevin Plottner from SomeInc). I gave them all away, and it gave me GREAT JOY.
Someone else did some giving at the conference too. The admirable Arianna Huffington (no link required), gave a gift to all conference attendees. No need to tell you what, but I can assure you it was not self-serving... and I wish you could have seen the look of Joy on her face when she did it.
Some folks will tell you there are no such things as coincidences. Something to wonder about, perhaps! But I was blown away by the last speaker at the conference; a certain Harvey Mackay of "Swim With the Sharks: Without Being Eaten Alive" fame.
I could hardly believe my ears when he gave the his last nugget of advice at the close of his presentation.
"To be successful you must give... you must give.... and not seek anything in return."
Maybe, for most of us, the grasp on the ledge of the American Dream skyscraper is fast slipping, or we've fallen already.
But what if that American Dream was the dream of the ego?
If you would like to continue this conversation, please write to me at bfclark@bfclark.com. I can't give you a fancy website or blog yet, but I can give you my time to exchange ideas.