A Letter To That Nutty Birther Lady

Dear Nutty Birther Lady,

I saw the video clip of your passionate speech to Representative Mike Castle on YouTube right after I watched a cat do the Riverdance. What a great moment it was when you questioned President Obama's citizenship and held up your own birth certificate with the names of your mother and father, whom I'm guessing are also your aunt and uncle. As a woman, I was moved by your courage to reveal a document displaying your real age.

Since the media has been giving you platforms for your insanity, why stop at Obama? How do we know President Ronald Reagan wasn't born in Canada? Have we seen his actual birth records? Isn't that just as much of a concern? I mean, if you drink enough cheap beer, Canada sounds like Kenya. Let's keep going and play the speed round of the Conspiracy Game. Shall we? During Reagan's later years, he did say, "Eh," a lot. Fact. Reagan rode horses like the Canadian Mounties. Fact. Reagan was the "Teflon president," Teflon was marketed by Dupont, Dupont is a French name, there are French Canadians - Bingo! We have a winner! So, why aren't your fellow "birthers" on this? It's prime, Grade-A, paranoid, American BS.

At the end of your passionate oration, you yelled, "We want our country back!" I can see the T-shirts and bumper stickers now. Joe the Plumber will tattoo the catchphrase on his forehead - backwards, but the sentiment still counts. And the TV ads are just around the corner. "Country Back - It's Ram Tough," or "I want my Country Back, Country Back, Country Back; I want my Country Back, Country Back, Country Back..."

In an unfinished letter to his son just months before he died, Albert Einstein shared his thoughts about America, writing, "God's own country becomes stranger and stranger, but somehow they manage to return to normality. Everything - even lunacy - is mass produced here. But everything goes out of fashion very quickly." Therefore, oh, dear Nutty Birther Lady, as much fun as you have been, it's now time for you and your little movement to go out of fashion. But please know there's nothing to fear. You said we want our country back? I'm happy to report that we got it back on November 4th, 2008.

p.s. That cat can really Riverdance.

Comments

[cdaniels]

Love this! "Fact." Ha!

[JohnJeter]

You "had" the country for 8 years, Eileen. You and your war- and fear-mongering, deregulating/Wall Street-pimping, illegal-warrior, Katrina-ignoring, Constitution-shredding, deficit-exploding rich white boys blew it. Big time. If your peeps hadn't so profoundly screwed the pooch - and the rest of us - over the last, well, more than 8 years, you wouldn't have "lost" the country you want "back" in the first place.
The rest of us, we went off and wept silently after Rove & Family stole the last two elections for that all-hat, no-cattle cowboy who didn't even win an election by popular voter mandate, but by Electoral College (you DO know what this is, right?). No, we didn't chase after our honorable Congressmen with wingnut conspiracy theories.
So, really, try to be a good sport, the way we were for 8 long, torturous, horrifying, terrifying War on Terror "Mission Accomplished" years - you know, that dark era we are trying to repair right now, the global and internal destruction that will take YEARS to fix.
Good night, Eileen.

[OSUgrad1]

Thank goodness for the Nutty Birther lady, it leads to more great humor from Beth.....

[Wigelah]

Very funny Beth. Thanks.

[reader110]

Who cares about the birthers - I'm more interested in the cat doing the Riverdance video...

[jan4insight]

Yeah, where's the link to that???? ;)

[GarryK]

There's a much bigger point here. I lived in that county for 25 years. There's a 9 minute version on Youtube, where the entire senior citizen audience acts no better, maybe worse, than Crazy Eileen.

Someone is scaring these people into behaving badly to their own Republican US Representative Mike Castle. And they were upset about Cap & Trade. Cap & Trade!

Some fat cats will benefit because Fox & the Republican Party mobilized these frightened senior citizens. How cynical!

[MrSpud26]

Wait a minute. That woman speaking to Congressman Castle was somewhat shrill, but didn't she have a legitimate point? After all, nobody has seen Obama's actual, real birth certificate. Shouldn't Obama release it ASAP? Imagine if we find out Obama was born in Africa - this nation will be thrown into anarchy!!!

[LeftRight]

Too bad for you that he's already released his ACTUAL, REAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE, and that it shows he was born, not in Kenya, but in HAWAII!!!!!!!

[BoiseLib]

You haven't seen the proof because you won't open your eyes.

[demigod]

Even if he WAS born in Africa, he's twice as smart as any Republican - but come on ! NO - that lady does NOT have a legitimate point. The earth is ROUND, I tell you. Round. If you want to go after something that no one has actually seen, try Jesus. Where's HIS birth certificate ? No one can prove he ever actually existed, but I'll bet you believe he's the son of God. And he's COMING BACK !!!!

[valkyrie607]

Justin Timberlake's new hit: "I'm Bringin' Country-Back."

[wbtravis]

Hilarious! Love this. The Birther movement should be aborted.

[jan4insight]

Word!

[TardisJockey]

LOL! Nicely written. The only part I'm regretting is that Nutty Birther Lady most surely has limited reading skills and will never see this.

[MNKen]

And probably does not use the internets. You know you never can trust what is on the internets (unless it is from faux news)