- No. I will not Instagram or Snapchat you. I don't even know you. Why. Why would I do that?
- OK... which one of the five guys in every photo is actually you? Too much effort to analyze every face. Bye.
- What in the world possessed you to fill in your bio with "long dong" or something else equally as blunt? Does that work for you? Ever?
- Do you know that "ur" isn't acceptable for "you're" and "your" in real life? And you're just lazy online? Please say yes.
- OK you have one photo and no bio at all... does anyone swipe right? Cause, uh, I won't.
- Oh good, you "live life to the fullest." Now I know everything I need to know in order to swipe right...
- OK, you say are not a catfish. Thank God. Now I am convinced. Can I come over?
- You're cute. Please be smart, please be smart, please be smart.
- Awww you have a dog. And you like kids. Awwwwww.
- Soooooo do you regularly take shirtless selfies at the gym? Isn't that awkward?
- So you party and post it on Tinder. What else are you doing with your life?
- OMG you could be my future hubby. Please be a match, please be a match, please be a match... Not a match. DAMMIT TINDER.
- Oh. You're kissing a girl. On the lips. In your Tinder photo. And you are here because...?
- Uhhh buddy, I can't see your face in any photo. What are you hiding?
- Oh. You take more selfies than I do and are more groomed than I am. Interesting.
- Awww another puppy... can I just have the puppy and not the boy?
- Your 'friends made this for you' and it's 'something to do when you're bored.'? Yeah OK.
- Uhhh you are not 21, baby face. Good try.
- Oh good, I am glad you clarified that you are single, considering you are on a DATING APP.
- DAMMIT I MEANT TO SWIPE LEFT. NOW RANDOM TINDER MAN WILL THINK I LIKE HIM.
- As impressive as that photo of you wearing only a pizza box was... oh, and the bonnet and the diaper while doing a keg stand... I'm gonna have to pass.
- MORE PUPPIES.
- No I am not going to dissect every emoticon in your bio to make sense of who you are. USE YOUR WORDS.
- No. No. No. No. No. Why am I on here? Stupid Tinder. *closes app, opens 10 minutes later*
24 Thoughts Every Girl Has While on Tinder
Oh good, you "live life to the fullest." Now I know everything I need to know in order to swipe right...
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