iPhone app iPad app Android phone app Android tablet app More

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors
Bethany St. James

GET UPDATES FROM Bethany St. James
 

The Bullying Myth

Posted: 06/11/2012 10:46 am

As our list of overly-dramatized catch phrases and new found "social plagues" within our school system continues to grow, the word "bullying" can now officially be added to the mix. Americans have always had a tendency to label our dilemmas and seek out new ways to avoid any sort of responsibility for our issues but, let's be honest; bullying has been a problem since the dawn of time.

As a teenager, I remember all too well the pain of having my reputation slandered. I also remember suffering in silence at the torments, insults and humiliations handed out on a daily basis by the "popular crowd." However, there is something that strikes me about the recent news stories regarding the 'Bullying Issue.'

In my opinion, the phenomenon here is not that children are being bullied, but the expectations parents place on others to teach self-confidence and the ability to stand up for oneself. I was taught at a tender age that by allowing yourself to believe negativities or failing to see your own value, you are certainly more likely to be pushed around. So at the end of the day, isn't it a parent or custodial guardian's job to instill confidence and self-worth? It seems to me the issue leans more toward a lack of mentoring than that of a bullying epidemic.

To be fair, I certainly agree with those who argue that the Internet and text messaging has allowed for the spread of gossip and rumors on a much larger scale. This, in turn, causes hatefulness to spread at a much faster rate. But with that said, most adults are aware of this. An aggressive push from parents to keep up with the times is imperative, as is instilling self-esteem and teaching suitable forms of self-defense. Sadly, the world can be a dangerous place. Children and teenagers should be equipped with the tools needed to battle a bully or anyone else who poses a threat to their well-being.

Don't misunderstand. I am certainly not advocating violence or failing to see that certain individuals may not have the mental or physical capacity to defend themselves. Those are the children, teenagers and young adults that certainly need help. Teaching mercy and kindness should be the responsibility of every adult, including the parents of these "bullies." If a child feels the need to act out in order to prove his or her worth, there are larger issues at play with regard to their mental state or home situation that need to be addressed.

We owe it to future generations to teach them to be strong, confident adults capable of handling any situation that is thrown their way. Take responsibility and set an example for the young people in your life. Show them that irresponsibility, finger pointing and blame is certainly not the way to prepare them for life as an adult. Let's get back to basics and teach young adults, many of whom will become our future leaders, that a little personal responsibility and self-confidence can go a long way. We will then be able to watch their accomplishments and successes breathe life into their own sense of pride. But first we have to stop spoon-feeding them even more excuses to fail.

 

Follow Bethany St. James on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BethanyStJamesX

FOLLOW PARENTS
 
 
  • Comments
  • 15
  • Pending Comments
  • 0
  • View FAQ
Comments are closed for this entry
View All
Favorites
Recency  | 
Popularity
10:07 AM on 06/28/2012
There is bullying; the systematic tormenting of a specific individual, and there is the epidemic lack of civility and social grace in our society. I think the two are often confused as you suggest. Everything crude that happens between people is not bullying. Some cruelty is rather random, but no less serious, but to my mind does not constitute serial bullying. The confusion and blending of these ideas has led to what seems like an explosion of bullying. The definition has become very broad and includes almost every anti-social behavior.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Nikola Perkovic
08:03 PM on 06/24/2012
There has been bullying since the dawn of time? Am I the only one that imagioned two cave man hitting eachother with those huge clubs? :D Also the way you describe your high school experiences is by far over dramatized. Have one thing in mind,most of the world sees USA as a bully.
03:02 PM on 06/13/2012
Students can be trained in the concepts of awareness, understanding, acceptance and love. We have talked about this in the HIBhub community (www.hibhubcommunity.com). They can be trained in "emotional intelligence" in order to shift attitudes.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Nikola Perkovic
08:04 PM on 06/24/2012
Spamming is a method of cyber bullying :P
photo
PERPLEXED IN TEX
What we have here, is a failure to communicate
04:20 PM on 06/12/2012
So true what you say. Unfortunately parenting is not enough when faced not only the popular crouds, but also the racist and just mean crouds. And it doesn't stop when one grows up from being a kid. Are we not all in the middle 80-90+% as adults being bullied from ultra-conservative to uber-liberal interest?
09:35 PM on 06/11/2012
Bethany, you've added some real common sense to the discussion on this issue. Sometimes we must intervene for those who are truly helpless to defend themselves, no matter the age. A lot of so-called bullying is "normal" bantering among peers, but when it becomes hurtful - physically, mentally, or emotionally, it is imperative for adults to intervene. No child's self-esteem or safety should be attacked in such a way as to make them even contemplate suicide, and in order not to let it get that far, we must stop it when it begins to be the least bit cruel. Also, we must build up our children and grandchildren from birth on, all the way through childhood and adolescence. We adults must be careful not to tear them down or belittle them, and then we must help them know who they are, how much they are loved and encourage them in their gifts and talents. We must shape their behavior with wounding their spirit. This goes for the bullies, as well as the bullied. Lastly, we must model what we want oour youth to do. Speak kindly and respectfully to and about others, even if we have philsophical disagreements with them.
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Nikola Perkovic
08:07 PM on 06/24/2012
You are very wrong. We shoud model what we want our youth to do? No,they need to model what they want to do,you need to help them on that path,teach them,show them. And also if you do all those things to children they will never grow up,they will never learn responsibility or standing up for them selves so they would forever rely on you.
06:23 PM on 06/11/2012
Bethany,
You made some great points. Bullying has been around forever and will be around forever. The problem is more than just the issue of bullying. People have to have self worth. It starts at home, like most everything should. parents need to take an interest in there children. What they do and who they do it with. Life is a competition, whether it is athletics, education, career or even politics. Nowadays, we give out competition awards for participation in events instead of awards for championships. Children aren't prepared for life's obstacles. Am I for bullying, absolutley not. We have to prepare children for life. We have to be tolerant of people from all walks of life, but we are never going to agree on everything. Bullying is a learned behavior. We all come into this world with no pre conceived notions. It is all learned behavior. So, it starts at home
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
kepowell5
03:04 PM on 06/11/2012
Bethany St. James.. you belong in that group that believes if it doesn't happen to you; it doesn't exist. Stop being so irresponsible and interview some bullied kids before you put pen to paper chick.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Bethany St. James
05:04 PM on 06/11/2012
Although I appreciate your feedback on my article, I must say that you obviously missed the second paragraph. I was certainly put in many, many situations that one could consider to be bullying. If you had asked me, instead of accusing I could have explained to you that growing up a child of parents in the adult entertainment industry put me in a multitude of situations where I had to defend myself and my family. So, I must say that your comment is unwarranted and you should done a bit of research on me and my life before making your comment.
With Respect,
Bethany St. James
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
kepowell5
11:52 AM on 06/12/2012
Furthermore, when adults are being bullied, they have recourse.. its called calling the police. I guess that children in the same situation with other children shouldn't have any recourse or they are considered 'babies' and are unable to stand up for themselves?
photo
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Nikola Perkovic
08:11 PM on 06/24/2012
I think you're over dramatizing your experiences. And bullying is not some ethernal thing, some sorts of it are but they aren't realy bullying. Like when a friend plays a joke on you in school,that would be the not-true-bullying or when you get beaten up wich would be bullying. There were never any sorts of bullying in my elementary and high schools in Serbia untill the "west way of education" was taken. You're giving too much freedom to kids,it's a rookie mistake. They're not adults they don't have the expirience to know what's righ or wrong.
12:52 PM on 06/11/2012
Yeah. Teaching self-esteem solves everything. ~blank stares~ Being humiliated, threatened, terrorized, and jumped on a daily basis in school is fixed by good ol' self-esteem and personal responsibility. So that's what I was doing wrong all those years in elementary school.
photo
HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Bethany St. James
05:05 PM on 06/11/2012
Darreg,
Please feel free to read my response to Kepowell as I feel it applies to your comment, as well.

With Respect,
Bethany St. James
12:00 PM on 06/11/2012
Your comments about parents teaching self-worth values to their children are just common sense observations about a problem that is certainly not new. However, you seem to be suggesting that using a "label" like this is an unnecessary part of addressing the problem. I beg to differ. Remember back in the civil rights days of the 60's, when we began to address the ongoing practice of racism with the "new" labels of "institutionalized racism", "affirmative action", etc.? Would it have been appropriate to belittle this practice of labeling by saying that racism has always been with us, and it's up to parents to teach their kids proper values? Did the use of these labels make the problem more transparent and easier to confront? It may seem like overdramatizing to you, but the labels are only inappropriate if untrue. It might be more useful to look at the environment that promotes bullying - the main culprit being large, prison-like school buildings, which treat educating children as nothing more than churning out an assembly-line product, and make it nearly impossible for adults to monitor childrens' interactions in a common-sense way. Parents can't do much about what is going on during the day when their kids are out of sight, so they rely on the teachers, who are already overburdened to the limit by impossible expectations from the community.