America has the highest rate of divorce in the Western world, and the consequences to our nation's families have been devastating.
Each year tens of billions of taxpayer dollars are spent on the divorce-associated fallout, not including the millions spent by individuals hiring lawyers and obtaining a divorce. Social science research confirms the devastation -- the heavy emotional toll on children, women and men, the reduced longevity, the diminished physical health. Recidivist rates are alarming -- children of divorce are 89% more likely to divorce than their peers from intact families, and divorce rates for second and third marriages have soared to about 67% and 74%, respectively. And one million children a year continue to be split between their own mothers and fathers. While divorce may be necessary in certain circumstances, such as domestic abuse, research indicates the vast majority of divorces involve low-conflict marriages, many of which can be repaired. (The "Evolution of Divorce" by W. Bradfox Wilcox, provides a good summary of these alarming findings and the research behind them.)
Behind all the pie charts, there are countless anguishing personal stories of betrayal, abandonment, and financial hardship.
As Andrew Cherlin so eloquently put it in his recent book, we are on a marriage and divorce merry-go-round. And it is high time to get off.
Introducing the Coalition for Divorce Reform ("CDR").
After my controversial article opposing no-fault divorce last August, Chris Gersten, a former high ranking official in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services responsible for launching the Federal government's Healthy Marriage Initiative, contacted me about creating a national organization to reform our divorce laws and educate the public about the impact of divorce. The result is the launch of the Coalition for Divorce Reform, and website, formed in order to increase awareness of the negative impact of divorce, encourage discussion and debate about the effect of divorce on our culture, and support passage of divorce reform legislation.
Below Chris talks with me from Washington, D.C. about the Coalition.
How did the CDR get started?
Chris: The breakdown of the traditional family is the social equivalent of the national debt as a crisis in America and the West. I have spent the past decade leading the effort to find government funding for marriage and relationship strengthening programs, and have realized for some time now that simply increasing the availability of marriage education isn't sufficient to address our divorce problems. We also need to overcome cultural influences that encourage and destigmatize divorce by making it so easy. I believe the marriage education infrastructure is sufficiently developed to now create a new field called "divorce reduction education."
According to the website, the CDR is a "non-partisan coalition of divorce reform leaders, marriage educators, domestic violence experts, scholars and concerned citizens dedicated to efforts to reduce unnecessary divorce and promote healthy marriages." Tell me more about the members and how it was formed.
Chris: I knew we needed draft sample legislation people could look at before becoming involved so we worked with divorce attorneys, domestic violence experts and victims of divorce to craft the Parental Divorce Reduction Act ("PDRA"). After the Act was drafted, I used the Internet and my database of contacts from a decade in the marriage education field to reach out to people from all walks of life. Our 17-member advisory board includes the nation's leading marriage educators, scholars, attorneys, political leaders and other concerned citizens. It's bi-partisan and includes people from left to right; some are victims of divorce themselves. I have also spoken with hundreds of community activists and state leaders.
You've been married to the same woman for 44 years so why the passion for divorce reform?
Chris: Everyone I know in the marriage education and divorce reform movements has a personal story motivating them to work on strengthening marriage and making sure more children grow up in strong two-parent families. My own experience took place when my sister's husband, a college professor, walked out one day and never saw his four children again. I saw the emotional devastation that divorce wreaked on those kids and my sister. I felt helpless to do anything about it, other than try to be as good an uncle as I could from 400 miles away. Ever since, I moved my career in the direction of family and marriage strengthening efforts. I still see the devastation of that divorce in the lives of my nieces and nephews more than 20 years later. The lives of over a million children a year are turned upside down because their parents can't or won't work to save their marriages. From my work in the field, I know that many marriages in crisis can be saved if even one partner is committed to working hard to save the relationship.
You've said to me that there's been nothing like this reform effort in over 40 years. But there have been other reform efforts. Why is the CDR different?
Chris: There have been serious efforts like The Americans for Divorce Reform, which basically compiled data on the Internet in one place, and the Covenant Marriage movement. Yet the divorce rate was not reduced. Covenant Marriage passed in only three states and has been a disappointment. The CDR has crafted a new kind of legislative proposal and created a network of marriage educators that never existed before. We now have a huge amount of compelling social science research on the impact of divorce, too. Now, we have social media as a vehicle to communicate quickly with hundreds of thousands of people who can work together in this effort. We have a grass roots effort of political leaders committed to passing the PDRA. You and I have been volunteering nearly full-time on this effort and dozens of others give significantly of their time. This coalescence of events and circumstances has never happened before.
Tell me about the Parental Divorce Reduction Act.
Chris: It's still a work in progress, but provides a new framework for divorce reform. It focuses on reducing unnecessary divorce among couples with minor children. Before filing for divorce, couples must complete divorce reduction classes of four-eight hours (two hours online). This program is a first cousin of marriage education and will be modeled from the top programs in the country and taught by certified marriage educators. The classes will educate couples about the harmful effects of divorce, help them develop skills to improve their relationships, and work with couples who want to reconcile. Couples will then wait eight months before filing for divorce. This is a reflection and reconciliation period during which many couples will continue to work on their relationship. These requirements must be fulfilled before the divorce filing because afterwards attorneys take over and couples struggle over children and finances. There is also an opt-out for victims of domestic violence.
Why do you think passage of this legislation will reduce divorce?
Chris: I know passage will reduce divorce. For 25 years, marriage education classes have demonstrated they reduce divorce by 50%. The U.S. military invests heavily in classes for the armed forces, and it's proven to be a good investment by helping keep couples together.
But what chance does the PDRA have of passing the state legislatures?
Chris: A good chance, even though it won't be easy. But I know we can pass this in several states in 2012 where we have good leadership and state legislators already committed to passage. We'll need real results in a few states before the rest of the nation will follow. But once people see divorce reduction, and the cost savings to taxpayers, I think a dozen states will pass the PDRA over the next five years, with the trend continuing.
Tell me about the CDR's new blog.
Chris: Social media is critical for a movement strong enough to change our culture and current divorce law, and our website will be filled with useful information for those working to change divorce laws or even contemplating divorce. Our bloggers include accomplished writers and bloggers with experience in the field of marriage education, divorce reform, divorce itself, law and social policy. And this is just the beginning.
There's bound to be opposition. And plenty of people will claim you're trying to take away their right to divorce under no-fault that exists now in all 50 states, in some for as many as 40 years. What are your thoughts on this?
Chris: Children must have rights, too. It should not be easier to get a divorce than a driver's license. We know the devastating consequences of divorce on children so we owe it to the children to slow down the divorce process and give kids a fighting chance to grow up in intact two-parent families. If a couple if set on divorce, our legislation won't stop them; it will just slow down the process and hopefully save marriages.
Follow Beverly Willett on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BeverlyWillett
0. No divorce lawyers.
1. An administrator/mediator trained in conflict resolution manages the case.
2. The parties are required to make disclosures and proposals (e.g., asset statements from date of marriage and divorce filing and for proposed division of assets).
3. If there are dependent children, require a joint parenting plan and proposals for custody/placement. Existing custody evaluators work as facilitators.
4. Use standard forms that anyone can understand and complete. Allow revisions initially as the parties figure out the process.
5. Start with presumptions: (a) equal shared custody/placement of dependent children; (b) equal division of property obtained during the marriage. Require proof to overcome the presumptions.
6. The administrator meets with the parties initially to set up a resolution plan. The administrator then will mediate with the parties monthly until the case is resolved.
7. If the parties do not agree on a resolution of all issues within 12 months, the administrator will make a determination of the unresolved issues. The parties can seek review by an appeals panel.
8. The administrator has the authority to Impose fines/sanctions for false/misleading statements and omissions and/or to refer a party for criminal prosecution.
9. If there is a credible demonstration of abuse, set up the process to keep distance between the parties.
10. Judicial review is available at the end of the process; review is deferential to the administrative process.
In order to cut state costs, just stop family fragmentation, which comes too easily through uncontestable No-Fault divorce. Restore Due Process to family court, and there will be a marked reduction in divorces, fewer citizens needing state assistance, and reduced costs to the state as a result.
A concerned citizen,
(warrior39)
According to a 2001 report by the Louisiana State Law Institute, the main contributor to marriage and family breakdown is lack of proper communication. How much would the state spend in providing skills in communication? How much money would the state save if marriages and families were held together?
We have alcohol and drug abuse rehabilitation. Considering the importance of families to society, shouldn't we also have marriage and family rehabilitation? How much money would the state spend on marriage and family rehabilitation and how much money would it save if marriages and families were held together?
How much money does the state spend on the 10 teen social ills (listed above) which are directly attributable to the fallout of divorce?
A new study, The Taxpayer Costs of Divorce and Unwed Childbearing, provides extremely important information to Governors and state legislators as they attempt to cut state expenditures.This study was developed by the Institute for American Values, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, and the Georgia Family Council and Families Northwest.
This study finds that, as a result of easy divorce, families are fragmented, the members are in constant need of welfare assistance, and states spend huge amounts of money providing that assistance.
(end to follow)
Louisiana State Capitol
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
May 30, 2011
Dear Governor Jindal,
I notice that you appear to be saying that there is a hole in the financial dike and it is being caused by the prisons in Allen, Avoyelles, and Winn parishes.
There's a big hole in the dike for certain, which keeps getting bigger each year, but it is being caused by an easy-exit, uncontestable divorce
that increases state expenditures.
Consider the expenses incurred by the state due to fatherless homes as a result of divorce:
1- Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF)
2- Food Stamps
3- Housing Assistance
4- Medicaid
5- State Children's Health Insurance Program
6- Child Welfare programs
7- Women, Infants and Children assistance (WIC)
8- Low Income Home Energy Assistance
Here is a list of the social ills which are directly tied and immediately attributed to the fallout of divorce:
1- teen pregnancy and births
2- alcohol and drug abuse
3- violence in the home
4- street violence
5- school dropouts
6 - crime
7- incarceration
8- suicide
9- homelessness and runaways
10- state institutionalized
The costs run into the MILLIONS and can be greatly reduced by plugging the true hole in the dike: easy-exit, uncontestable divorce.
All citizens must study in order to be prepared for securing a drivers license. They should also have to study to prepare for marriage and family, the bedrock of society.
(there's more)
As I've mentioned to you before, I find your cause to be nobel. You've been consistent in your messaging that what you are about is lessening the divorce rate and that your motivation is its effects on children.
Given what you've stated both in this article and on your website, I had to wonder however if your efforts are impacting the area's causing most divorces. As far as I'm aware, the most comprehensive study done on why people file for divorce reviewed over 46,000 cases and caused its authors to change thier beliefs re: no fault divorce. Like all studies, it is lengthy,but a summary can be found here
http://www.livestrong.com/article/146100-why-do-women-initiate-divorce/
I wonder if you'd care to share your thoughts about the researchers findings and how they will be impacted by your efforts.
Again, Kudos on your efforts. There ought to be more like you. (Wait, did I just make an argument for cloning?)
http://www.independent.org/publications/tir/article.asp?a=35
Is There Really a Fatherhood Crisis?
Abstract
Virtually every major social pathology has been linked to fatherless children: violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, truancy, unwed pregnancy, suicide, and psychological disorders—all correlating more strongly with fatherlessness than with any other single factor. Tragically, however, government policies intended to deal with the “fatherhood crisis” have been ineffective at best because the root cause is not child abandonment by fathers but policies that give mothers an incentive to initiate marital separation and divorce.
http://www.unmarried.org/rings2.pdf
"In the five years since AtMP first published Let Them Eat Wedding Rings, government-funded marriage programs have grown explosively. Hundreds of programs were launched using federal, state and local government funding. Congress finally reauthorized TANF in February 2006. Despite protests by AtMP and others, Congress diverted $750 million from anti-poverty programs to marriage initiatives. In October 2006, 225 programs received 5-year funding awards worth almost $600 million.Also during the past five years, the Census Bureau revealed that the majority of households are unmarried. Same-sex couples won the right to marriage, civil union and domestic partnership in a few states. Over 1,730 people signed AtMP’s Affirmation of Family Diversity. College professors and students incorporated Let Them Eat Wedding Rings into their review of social policy."
Less government intervention in personal life.
Less misguided social engineering funded with your tax dollars.
Fewer snouts in the trough of the marriage/divorce industry.
-- ahappyalchemist / blog rearrangingatoms.com
ABSOLUTELY. This is especially true if you are a man.
2) It would be nice to legislate what goes on in people's families, but it's just not the right thing to do.
3) This would be a step back in time. It's neither progressive nor forward thinking.
4) The problems with divorce come from many sources, but forcing "education" on people is not a real fix.
Abusive and cheating spouses are not going to change their ways because of required classes. What they will do is use that propaganda to guilt their already victimized partners into staying in bad marriages.
This whole thing reminds me of those abortion laws they are trying to pass which forces pregnant women to look at fetal ultrasounds before making a decision.
I take exception to the notion that parents "willy-nilly break up a family." How do you know, for a fact, that "too many parents don't know what the real ramifications of divorce are for themselves or their children."? Is there a study examining separated parent's education on the impact of divorce on their children? Are you able to quantify "too many"?
Have you or Mr. Gersten ever stopped to consider the possibility that the majority of parents are very aware of the impact of divorce on their children? Have you considered the possibility that too many parents anguish day after day, night after night, often for years about ending their marriages before they ever pull the trigger?
]
Show me a study that compares the outcomes of children in high-conflict divorces, with the children from amicable divorces. Then show me a study with the outcomes of children from low-conflict, yet bad, marriages and compare them to the children from amicable divorces. Have you ever stopped to think that your requirements may further victimize the innocent children you say you're trying to protect?
Has anyone in your organization ever stopped to realize that these divorces began as marriages? People are required to obtain licenses for marriage, are they not?
I wish you would put this kind of effort into pre-marital education requirements and waiting periods.
I left my marriage to protect my child, because I didn't want him growing up in a volatile household. Our lives have been peaceful ever since.
I do find it sad that this former lawyer doesn't understand the the divorce industry itself is a reason for all the problems.
The last thing this institution needs is more credentialed "experts" to be paid for their opining on a broken system. They are also financially incentivized to increase the frequency of divorce.
If you want to see a group involved in real reform go to www.fathersandfamilies.org to see an organization bringing equity to the institution of marriage.
I wish you success with this venture. I was married for 30 years, now, divorced for 25. I have nothing new, and possibly of value to add to the discussion. I am "old news."
After an e-mail exchange with my youngest son, today, I realize that the wound will never heal. There is more than scar tissue;l there is pain beneath the scar. Both the wound of the marriage and the divorce. The principle things that annoy me about my sons is echoes of their father. Is it because they are male, or his influence.
Since my divorce, I have been worse-off financially, but productive and calm. I have authored three historical novels--all published.
My youngest son, when he is not reminding me of his father, is supportive. He recently suggested that I write a book on women, over fifty, who have reinvented themselves, as I have. Any takers? Let me know. www.gyfortune.com
I will read the site, and, if appropriate, will post.
The best to you and the ladies--yes ladies. I like the old fashioned term. it has meaning, such as having quality, taste and a special kind of intelligence--despite circumstances.