Today is the Day but I'm Angry Instead

I've sat here today flipping aimlessly from one blog to news sites to e-mail to Twitter and back again. I've watched 30 second bits of CNN until my eyes flit back to the computer screen. I've been restless and unsettled all morning; it's as if the monster from Alien needs to burst out of my chest so I can be comfortable.

After an hour and a half of "writing," I have the above paragraph. That's it. I've found a million other things to occupy myself, but I haven't found the words yet. I take a grilled cheese and potato chips break. Sweet tea. Comfort food.

Today is supposed to be the day. Yesterday we changed the world. After all our hard work, Barack Obama was elected our next President.

I went to the DNCC where my partner was a delegate. I put up signs at our house, talked to our neighbors, installed the iPhone app so I could phonebank from my own phone, and blogged like crazy on Bilerico Project, Huffington Post and the LGBT for Obama blog.

The LGBT community supported the Democratic ticket. We supported change and hope and equality. We supported our fellow Americans as we reached for the stars. And we won. Today is the day.

But I'm not joyful; I feel robbed. Americans didn't support the LGBT community. Instead, we've been slapped back into place with marriage amendments in Florida and Arizona and an anti-gay adoption law in Arkansas. The ultimate insult, the California marriage amendment to strip LGBT couples of their right to marry, looks poised to pass even though opponents rattle lawsuit sabers and refuse to concede until all absentee and provisional ballots are counted.

I don't feel hope; I feel despair.

I'm Angry

I'm angry with Americans for transcending race, but not sexual orientation.

I'm angry with Barack Obama and Joe Biden for allowing their words to be used for anti-gay robocalls with their waffling on our relationships. While they corrected the record, it was too little too late.

I'm angry that Rosie O'Donnell and her partner, Kelli Carpenter O'Donnell, didn't donate any money to fight amendments in California, Arizona, or even Florida - the state they supposedly loved so much. They take gay money with their cruise ships, but I guess it's too much to expect them to give back to the community that's always backed them.

I'm angry that Democrats paid for anti-gay campaign mailers in Indiana and refused to even comment about it. No apologies. No explanation.

I'm angry with Hollywood celebrities, producers, directors and other insiders who are as gay as the day is long, but didn't give to protect the community. I'm angry with liberal straight celebrities who kept quiet on this one while screaming their damned heads off about fur, the environment or whatever disease they've decided to champion only to drop after the cameras have gone.

I'm angry that some in our community stooped to gay baiting in an attempt to defeat closeted California Congressman David Drier. I'm angry that Democrats did the same thing to closeted Senator Mitch McConnell in Kentucky.

I'm angry that our community put so much energy and cash into California's marriage amendment while giving the other states short shrift. Arizona was the darling of state and national groups as the first to defeat an amendment, but this time they struggled to get noticed.

I'm angry that amendment supporters cheated to pass their discriminatory legislation. From Arizona's state legislature trickery to Florida's illegal television ads - from California's Obama robocalls and fliers to the Mormon millions sent to Arizona and California so the church could impose their will.

I'm angry that the first substantive post fellow contributor Pam Spaulding put up on her own blog, Pam's House Blend, was a "Don't blame the blacks" post to deflect the fact that African-Americans in California overwhelmingly supported Prop 8. I'm angry that some in our community will still blame African-Americans.

I'm angry at being taken for granted by the Democrats. I'm angry I have to say, "But they're better than the Republicans!" to excuse homophobia in the Party. I'm tired of being expected to support the Party's agenda at the expense of my community's.

I'm angry.

Yet, I'm resigned to continue beating my head against the wall. I will fight on. I believe in change and hope and equality and if my fellow citizens don't want to share them with me and mine, I'll keep fighting until they do.

I will not give up. I will not quit. I will not stop or pause or waver.

I will keep hope. Barack Obama won the election. Change will come.

Read more reaction from HuffPost bloggers to Barack Obama's victory in the 2008 presidential election

Comments

[pinkandbluefilmsllc]

To quote the song; "I don't like what I don't understand and it scares me half to death".

[ashb]

Thank you for expressing, for the most part, how I feel too.

[zanzig]

Bil, I understand your anger and agree with it to the extent that discrimination of any kind has to be attacked and defeated. The election of Barack Obama is not really a vote against discrimination on the grounds of race. It is a vote for the most intelligent, decent person running for POTUS. The Propositions that did deal with discrimination should not be compared to the general election. There are so many more issues that affect the general population and people vote using a mental algorithm that takes into account those factors that are of greater priority for them. Now I am not sure of the numbers, because I believe there is no real census of the GLBT population in the US, but the AA population is about 12 or 13% of the total pop, and the GLBT population is variously said to be between 2 and 3% of total. In terms of affected people you can then take into account, friends, relations and well-wishers, but it still shows a sizeable difference in the nimbus around the core group. Any fight that the GLBT population now wants to take to defeat such discriminatory measures will have a much better chance of success now, for 2 reasons: one, the incoming Administration is more sympathetic than the outgoing one, and two, in the afterglow of President-elect Obama's victory, Americans have a new vision of themselves as a caring, decent nation. Basically you can now successfully appeal to their better angels.

[SilentNoLonger]

I am a straight, white, married mother of two in Michigan - a state that voted to deny some of our citizens the right to marry during the 2004 election. The results of that election cast a pall over our household that did not begin to clear until about a year ago, when I took a look at Barack Obama.

For the first time in my life I was inspired to wade into the messy business of politics. I donated money, I made many hundreds of phone calls, I endured many unpleasant conversations with religius zealots, racists, and other ignorant people. I knocked on many hundreds of doors, and found the confidence to discuss my personal convictions and reasons for supporting Obama openly and persuasively in a very conservative community.

I took my kids with me to the election night party where the volunteers gathered to watch the returns. I cheered as each state was called, and cried when the outcome was announced. I knew that finally there was hope for the future. After what felt like a tidal wave of optimism and progressive ideas, I was shocked and saddened to learn that equal rights had been rejected.

We are truly not yet the America we aspire to be, but today I am much more hopeful that we will become that America than I was a week ago. Now that I have found my voice, I intend to lend it to establishing equality for ALL citizens.

[kaceyf]

I am so tired of people referring to marriage as something that God intended to be for a man and a woman. Originally, it was for the rich and was all about the transfer of property, including women as property as they were transfered from father to husband. Over time, society institutionalized marriage to protect women and children and religion has always been about ritualizing social customs, including marriage.

Our founding fathers believed in the separation of church and state, having just escaped a society ruled by a long and bloody history in which the intersection of church and state led to social inequality and that very history. In any case, our society has decided that benefits go to those who are married, so to deny those benefits to a whole class of people is a violation of their civil rights and to me, not at all what Jesus would have wanted.

Not being gay, married for 30 years, I still can't see how the institution of marriage could possibly be threatened by expanding on who could join. Is it such a fragile thing then that it can only survive a (distorted) definition? Perhaps it's this very distortion and misunderstanding of what is marriage and what is family in our larger culture that leads to such large numbers of divorces. I gave up on organized religion many years ago and have in fact, become embarrassed at times to call myself a Christian.

[Belizeguy]

I was a lad when I marched for equality in Selma with two gay friends. We, with several others, were clubbed badly. Today I am filled with sadness that those who I tried to help have pushed me aside. I am not angry...but I can't understand the unjustness of it all. I can't understand their lack of a sense of history and suffering. I am so sick of the bible being used as an excuse by the ignorant. I am overjoyed with the election of Obama, but I'm not a young man...will my partner and I be free in this lifetime to be citizens with equal rights?

[joy316]

Mr. Browning a vote for Prop 8 was not a vote against you! It had nothing to do with hate. When I look at you I see a human being who deserves all that life has to give--just like any other human being. You are free to choose to be with anyone you want and a piece of paper does not diminish or enhance that relationship. Prop 8 did not, nor should it, offer to you validation as a person. You are free to enter a permanent, contractual relationship with anyone you choose and are free to celebrate that relationship in any manner you choose.

What Prop 8 did was maintain the separation of a religious ceremony from state mandates. Maintaining this separation has nothing to do with hate for anyone. It is needed because there are members of the larger community who choose to practice their faith completely. There is no hate at all for anyone so please don't take the Prop 8 that way. You are free to live your life the way you want and I must be allowed the freedom to live my life of faith.

[AnotherTry]

What the heck does your church have to do with city hall?

[UrbanInterloper]

"What Prop 8 did was maintain the separation of a religious ceremony from state mandates."

Wrong. Prop 8 says zero about religion.

I quote: Prop 8 "eliminates the rights of same-sex couples to marry." Will you read that again, please? Prop 8 has had zero effect on churches and religious institutions, legally speaking. Nor did last summer's court decision clarifying the equal right to marriage for all couples affect religious institutions in any way whatsoever.

Nothing has changed for religious institutions. They remain free to preach their beliefs, to celebrate, to pray and to grant or deny marriage to anyone they wish.

Nothing has changed for you, because Prop 8 doesn't address you or your faith or your rights in any way--it only affects those who love someone of the same gender. You remain free to hold your views and beliefs, and to judge people as you wish. You also enjoy access to special rights that you have helped to strip from fellow citizens.

Please know this: if you voted for Prop 8, you have helped to DEVASTATE lives. Prop 8 has caused real human pain and the scars will be lasting. Whether you were motivated by hate or not is irrelevant. For same-sex couples, Prop 8 feels like a violent crime, like a mugging that ends with a knife in the heart. It will require reconciliation, repentance, and forgiveness when its supporters finally realize the personal tragedies they have created for their fellow citizens.

[losangeleno]

I'm NOT angry. Obama getting elected was far more important to National Security and the future of our country. I understand that Joe Biden and President Elect Obama had to make centrist stands on homosexuality to win an election. Now that he is elected, we have real work to do to restore our right to marry. And we will have more support on a federal level now, than any time in history.

Prop 8 isn't simply constitutional discrimination. It is parents of children who will grow up to be gay, turning their backs on their own children's civil rights to love and share the same equal protection under the law.

Barack Obama can't fix all of the damage that the Bush Administration and Republican party have done in the last 8 years overnight. We need to focus our priorities as a country. Our civil right to marry means nothing if American's and innocent Iraqi's are losing their lives, people are losing their homes, and we have compromised our standing in the world.

We will have equal rights. I'm assured by Obama's victory that good prevails.

Now, we have work to do. So I encourage everyone who is angry today over the discriminatory marriage amendments that passed, to channel that anger and fight to make it right.

[AnotherTry]

The results prove that his stance on gay issues is not why he won. Good Grief!

Barack Obama's repeat assertion that he does not support gay marriage is why these measures won. He could have brought along all those people AND defeated those measures and he chose not to.

Be happy all you want. This is not a happy day and people should be outraged.

[ashb]

I agree that Obama getting elected was more important than prop 8, but I can agree with that and still be angry.

[GG1983]

Bil, your description of how you felt was exactly how I felt yesterday morning. Every time I heard people talk about change and empowerment and the dawn of a new day, all I could think was - except if you are gay. And no one in the national media seemed to be the least bit interested in the fact that lost within the historic significance of this election was the fact that for the first time a constitution was amended to take a civil right away from a group of people. Here in New York, we were initially encouraged by the fact that both houses of the state legislature are now controlled by democrats. However we were advised today that given the economic issues that have to be dealt with, gay marriage is not a priority at this time and even if it was there are not enough democratic votes to pass it. Essentially, thanks for all your votes - now go away. All we can do is keep fighting. But, in doing so let's accept part of the blame. I agree, we must do a better job of fund raising. We also must do a better job of educating people, both inside and outside the LGBT communiy about the civil and legal rights at issue, about fundamental fairness and about how discrimination against anyone does nothing to protect children, but in fact hurts children.

[ldavis24]

God this makes me want to cry. I can't even talk to my mom about it because I don't want to hear the disappointment and hurt in her voice when she wonders why people can hate her and deny her rights that anyone should have.
Reading this article and posts made me realize I am not the only one who feels this frustration.

I am thrilled Obama won but as usual he backs away from gay marriage as a right because it would be political suicide but has the nerve to say that he would not support Prop 8. (sadly I had to learn this from an MTV interview)

Why is there such a stigma around gay marriage, I know why the church is against it because the church and all churches are all big on prohibiting rights of numerous kinds. Why is it that otherwise thoughtful and open minded people are unwilling to support this?

I am constantly amazed by dems and liberals who are unwilling to recognize the rights of all citizens in regard to this particular issue. Someone please tell me this is going to get better some day and I can attend my mother's wedding with my other mother. It was difficult for them just to get both their names on the deed to their house. The woman at the town offices was trying to find a way to tell them they couldn't both be on it!

[DenverJim]

Bill,
I'm angry too. I've watched with excitement, seeing Obama win the presidency. It's been a bittersweet day, seeing so much happiness and pride over our election of our first black president, and the striking image of California revoking marriage licenses from gay couples. Also, watching Arkansas ban gay couples from adopting. It's ironic, because gay couples often take up the hardest adoption cases. We know where we stand in this country, and it's sad and scary. I'm tired of Democrats taking us for granted, but I know the alternative is worse. I believe someday we will have full marriage rights, but it may take another generation or two. Thanks for your post.

[Dynamohum]

Certain rants are just indignant rage. While as a gay person, I agree with many of your points, in reference to Rosie O'Donell and her "Cruise business," obviously you DID NOT do your do-diligence and research. That cruise business often operates at a LOSS because she is trying to give gay families something they cannot get elsewhere. Who are you to decide who should or should not have given to the cause and what form that should take.

I believe that we were kicked in the gut as well. I also believe that if we are to find a way through and beyond this, it is best not to point fingers and assign blame just because your rage must be directed somewhere. Misdirected anger is just that. I truly hope that you heal quickly. I am licking wounds as well, but I also realize time marches forward with or without us. There is some consolation in this. Younger voters under 38 voted over 80% against Prop 8. As the ages of groups progressed the percentage fell off. That tells me that equality is in our not to distant future. Patience my gay brother.

[JustAVote]

As a Christian, this was a difficult vote for me. I have a large amount og gay friends. No one wants to hear it, but "Marriage" is about pro creation. Two men cannot procreate, nor two women. I think people want to believe that God will accept whatever we do as long is there is love. We have the word...its called a "Bible". If he didn't want us to live by it, he would have told us somewhere in it. This state is greatly populated with Christians who do not want to sit on Judgement Day and say they went against Gods word because they thought it was about "love". Same sex couples have domestic partnerships, no one is disputing what you all want, they are disputing what God created, and not letting "man" change his plan. Understand, I love all people, but I am not willing to risk eternal salvation so that same sex couples can use the word "marriage". In a domestic partnership, you have the rights, its our job to protect the word.

[IndyStacey]

Marriage is not about pro-creation. If that were true, then women who have had hysteretomies would not be allowed to marry, women past menopause would not be allowed to marry, men who have had vasectomies would not be allowed to marry, old people would not be allowed to marry. This just an attempt to justify your prejudice.

Bil, I am straight so I cannot completely understand your anger, but I try. I would have voted no on Prop 8. I support your fight for equal rights.

However, I do not understand your anger towards Rosie and Kelli. She has been outspoken representative of the LGBT community for years. Do you really think more money would have changed bigoted minds?

[gsgweb]

If you really want to understand the history marriage read this...and try to read it with an open mind.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_same-sex_unions

If it's about procreation why do we allow sterile couples to marry? Why do we allow people past childbearing age to marry?

Gay people DO have biological children. They can also adopt children. Should their children be punished by denying their parents the right to marry? Imagine how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of that kind of discrimination. What happened to "do unto others"?

The Bible condones slavery. Is that still OK with you? Shellfish is also an abomination according to your book? When was the last time you took that seriously? You pick and choose in order to justify your predjudice. Jesus said NOTHING against gays and lesbians, however the modern church in it's many versions perverts Christ's teachings to promote hatred and intolerance worldwide. That's not a word worth protecting.

[margaretinsandiego]

JustAVote, We have a thing called separation of church and state. This includes the separation of your "Bible" and our state. You cannot hide behind your religion to justify blatant discrimination. You voted yes on prop 8 and by doing so, you said that it is ok to deny basic rights to a group of people based on what your religious beliefs are. Was it ok to deny women basic rights because in the Bible it says that women should be subservient to men? When we look back in our history at the times when we have discriminated against a group of people, we know that in every instance we were wrong. California is wrong again. This country can not go forward if we do not allow all of our citizens equal rights. Discrimination is wrong, whether you hide behind the Bible or not. And on Judgement Day, perhaps God will ask you why you felt it necessary to judge others instead of letting him do it. I bet your "large amount of gay friends" do not think of you as such, Friends would never want to allow this type of discrimination. I am disappointed to be a Californian, for the first time in my life. I do know however, that change is coming. I know this to be true because my children are being brought up to know that all people are created equal and should have equal rights. That is American. Anything else, is not.

[screamingbanshee]

thank you.

"And on Judgement Day, perhaps God will ask you why you felt it necessary to judge others instead of letting him do it."

the christian right is always ALWAYS so very wrong. how DARE they.

[kissmygrits]

Marriage is about procreation? So why not amend the constitution to prohibit marriage to the barren? You know you're being illogical of course.

[JoejoMN]

JustAVote,

You say that you have many gay friends but as a gay man I can tell you that your vote does not constitute what a "friend" would do. We are at that point in the gay rights movement where people like yourself must be honest with yourself and say that you discriminate against the very people you say are your friends. I suspect that if you shared your ideas with these gay friends they might not be as understanding as you think.
Not everyone in the world is a Christian or follows your religious doctrine so how can you impose your beliefs on others? Gay marriage will not affect you in any way. Legalizing it does not make it mandatory. No one is saying that you will have to go out and damn yourself by being in a same sex relationship. What it does do is give gay people the dignity and recoginition which is greatly lacking in our society. Gay children (and yes - we are born this way) do not grow up with the same examples of possibilities that straight people do. We see straight relationships everywhere - we go to family weddings and see everyone the couple knows congratulating and supporting them. Then we see whole groups of people coming out to say that our relationships are wrong and should be illegal. What kind of christian message do you think you are sending? One that shows inclusivness, love, tolerance, and freedom?

[StellaRay]

I wept for Obama's win and I wept for my gay friends' loss. The adoption ammendment in Arizona was to me particularly brutal with so many unwanted children longing for a loving home.

It is astonishing to me that in a country that's supposed to have a separation between church and state we are allowed to continue to discriminate on the basis of religous teachings. Without the Bible involved there is absolutely NO excuse to strip Americans of their constitutional right to liberty and the pursuit of happiness---and that includes marriage.

We can congradulate ourselves all we want on our first black president, but untill gay people have the same rights we all have there is still a big stain on the soul of this nation.

[sjmaureen]

I am angry too. I am also depressed, my 21 year old son is gay. He worked hard to defeat this prop 8 (so did I). This has hit him so hard, I tell him his time will come *will it?) I tell him not to be bitter ( I am bitter enough for both of us) I am angry for all the reasons you state and as a mother I react with fierce protective nature of a mother. I did cry tears of joy with Obama's victory but just can't feel as hopeful as everyone else seems to feel, there is still a group of people in our country whose rights are ignored, the pain is intense.