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Ending the Pornography of Creationism: Part Deux

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So here's one more reason I'll never be rich: I can't get started on an obvious chance to make a fortune by creating an on-line "creation science" university.

Just imagine the potential. First, how easy it would be. Since there is no science in "creation science," the lectures would be easy to prepare. Just blank pages. You can buy a ream of blank paper not to write on for about $6.

Exams would be a piece of cake to prepare since there are no questions to ask that have anything to do with science. You could just send out blank email files to all students. The students would not have any homework, since there's nothing to study. They could take a full load of classes and not miss a single episode of American Idol by having to do homework. Exams are a cinch to create. With no questions, I can just send out another blank file. The students wouldn't have to answer any questions and could just send back a blank file.

Since they never missed a single question, all students would get "A", thus increasing the self-esteem of the entire student body. Admit it, wouldn't you have loved to graduate with a 4.0? From anywhere? Of course, if you're reading huffingtonpost.com, you probably did get a 4.0.

The biggest job I will have will be managing the mailing list and tracking the students who have completed the exams. And cashing the checks.

I'll even do a business plan for you. Here's mine:

I can establish a degree program and require 120 credit hours to graduate. With each course counting for 3 credits, that's 40 courses. (I said I wouldn't get rich, not that I can't do simple division.) Now, just charge a buck less than the local community college per credit hour. In my area that's about $30 per credit, or $90 per 3-credit course. (I can do multiplication too.) Your results may vary, and past performance is no indication of future results.

That way each person successfully completing the degree forks over about $3,600. (OK. So if it's a buck less for each credit, it's $3,480 for those of you with a calculator.) Imagine, where else can you get a four-year degree including tuition, room, board, books, parking fees, student fees, fraternity or sorority dues, parking fines for when you were late to class and had to park in some profs parking space, and transportation to and from your residence for a grand total of under $3,600? It's the buy of the century and perfect for this time of the Great Depression, Part Deux. I can even offer the "Time-saver degree" in which the student just sends me the $3,600 check, and I send back a degree suitable for framing. And I haven't even mentioned the graduate program.

Potential audience: The "Creation Science Museum" attracted over 500,00 visitors in a bit more than a year. Talk about pent-up demand and a golden opportunity staring me right in the face! Of course some of those were just curiosity seekers and psychologists wanting to observe an enormous collection of gullible people at once. But even discounting for the seekers and shrinks, this is one huge market.
If you act fast, you can be raking in the dough before I can get my post office box in the Caymans where I'll have people send their tuition.

Act fast. It's your future.