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Bill Barol

Bill Barol

Posted: November 4, 2006 02:05 PM

Hello, It's Democracy Calling! ...Hello?


Friday, 8:17 AM:

"You've reached Bill Barol. Leave a message."
{Beep}
{Six seconds of silence}
"Hello. This is former president Bill Clinton. I'm calling to urge you to vote yes on California Prop 87, which will impose new taxes on oil producers and fund research into alternative energies, alternative energy vehicles, and new energy efficient technologies. Brazil did it. California can too. That's yes on 87."
8:42 AM:
"You've reached Bill Barol. Leave a message."
{Beep}
{Eleven seconds of silence}
"Hi, this is Senator Barbara Boxer asking you to vote yes on Prop 89. Prop 89 will reduce political corruption and the influence of special interests and level the playing field for California elections. In addition, Prop 89 will mandate the use of the word 'Prop' over the antiquated 'Proposition' in California ballot measures, saving voters and elected officials precious seconds a year and imparting a long-overdue note of casual zippiness to discussions about legislative policy. Remember: A yes vote on Prop 89 is a vote for cleaner elections and casual zippiness. Thanks for your support."
9:06 AM:
"You've reached Bill Barol. Leave a message."
{Beep}
{Thirty-one seconds of silence}
"Wha's up, Cali? This is comedian Carlos Mencia. Did you ever notice the way Anglos drive all... {Hums tunelessly} La la la la... But Mexicans; man, it's crazy! We drive all like this, homes! {Makes timbale noises} Um BAH um bah um um BAH um BAH! Vote yes on 1C, the Housing and Emergency Shelter Trust Fund! Peace!"
9:22 AM:
"You've reached Bill Barol. Leave a message."
{Beep}
{Fifty-six seconds of silence}
"Allo! This is Aldo Moro. As a five-time prime minister of Italy, I know something about big government. So despite the fact that I was assassinated by the Red Brigades almost 30 years ago, I urge you to vote no on Proposition 90, a -- Como se dice, eh, 'pillola di veleno'? Ah, si, si -- a poison pill by developers and their political back--"
{CLICK}
10:06 AM:
"You've reached Bill Barol. Leave a message."
{Beep}
{Two moments and nine seconds of silence}
"Hi! This is Steve Lawrence... "
" ...and Eydie Gorme! We're longtime Californians like you. Isn't that right, Steve?"
"You bet, Eydie. We moved here just after Steve Allen gave us our break on the old Tonight Show!"
"Steve was a sweet, sweet man, wasn't he?"
"Oh, you bet. {chuckles} I remember one night we were all at Dan Tana's and Angie Dickinson showed up with a snootf--"
{CLICK}
10:42 AM:
"You've reached Bill Barol. Leave a message."
{Beep}
{Six and a half minutes of silence, punctuated occasionally by the sound of crickets and the distant cries of gulls}
"Hello, this is Milo Minderbinder from Joseph Heller's 'Catch-22.' Like a lot of other fictional characters, I've been troubled by the ri--"
{CLICK}
11:16 AM:
"You've reached Bill Barol. Leave a message."
{Beep}
{A period of silence long enough to rehearse, stage and perform a regional theater production of "Annie Get Your Gun"}
"Hi, I'm an inanimate lump of protoplasm. You know, the insurance industry--"
{Phone unplugged. User leaves the house until Wednesday morning.}

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