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Bush Breaks Silence, Nation Wonders Why

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(ERIE, PA) Former President George W. Bush has been little heard from since leaving office, but the ex-Commander in Chief decided Wednesday it was time again to publicly not make sense.

"After eight years, everyone deserves my silence, but now it's time for the Bushmeister to be heard again," he shouted outside an Erie, Pa. Costco. "Let's hear it for the Bush Man!"

Bush has been loathe to criticize Obama since his successor took office, but after his exclamation drew nothing but pitying stares, he pulled out his big guns to win back a crowd that can no longer shop anywhere but giant discount stores.

"Government does not create wealth," Bush told a 7-year-old who stopped to look at a shiny penny. "Government spends money! It takes all the money it has, spends all of it, then borrows more and spends all that too. Then we cut taxes so we have even less to spend and fall further into an economic hole. It's called deficitification economics. That's what the government does."

Bush was flanked during the speech by a homeless black woman who wore a hand-written nametag that read 'Condi,' a life-size poster of Ronald Reagan, and Sen. John McCain. He wore a Stetson cowboy hat and plaid overcoat.

"The major role for government is to create an environment where people take risks," Bush said. "Of course by 'people' I mean corporations, and by 'risks' I mean illegal practices that won't be figured out for years."

"Preach on," yelled 'Condi.'

During a question-and-answer session with McCain, Bush acknowledged that he had run the U.S. into the ground, he did know ahead of time that Saddam Hussein didn't have any WMDs, and the country was better off without him.

Police eventually asked him to move along.