Obamas Expected to Have Sex in White House, Insiders Say

In what is sure to be a controversial move, President-elect Barack Obama has indicated to his inner circle of advisors that he and his wife may have sex in the White House sometime during the four years of his first term in office.

"He's not saying they definitely will have sex," said an Obama confidante who declined to be named, "But he's not ruling it out. He's also not ruling out having sex more than once."

Although Mr. Obama himself is a regarded as something of a sex symbol, there has been surprisingly little speculation and rumor about the incoming First Couple's romantic life. Longtime observers and friends regard both Mr. and Mrs. Obama as somewhat emotionally chilly. "From what I understand, it's a bit like the Vulcan mating ritual, the Pon Far," said outgoing Democratic Party Chair Howard Dean. "Barack will feel a seasonal urge that he knows rationally and logically that he is powerless to control. He will inform Michelle and she will attempt to satisfy the urge. Their schedulers work out the precise details."

Although it was common for American presidents to have marital sex in the White House throughout the 19th Century, the practice has become increasingly rare in modern times. The last president believed to have frequent intercourse in the White House was Calvin Coolidge whose relationship with his wife, Grace, became intensely passionate following the death of their younger son from an infected blister.

The two chief executives most often associated with presidential sex in recent years, Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy, did not have the sex they are famous for with their First Ladies. Jimmy Carter, a former president known for a tendency to overshare wrote in his memoir, Keeping Faith: Memoirs of a President, that he and his wife Rosalynn had intercourse once a year on New Year's Eve "for five minutes with the lights off" during his presidency. Mrs. Carter disputed her husband's account in her own memoir, First Lady from Plains.

With four large bedrooms, the First Family's private apartment on the second floor of the White House is designed to accommodate whatever marital configuration the President and First Lady happen to prefer, according to Rear Admiral Stephen Rochon, the Chief Usher of the Executive Mansion. "The President's bedroom and the First Lady's bedroom can be as close together or as far apart as they want," Adm. Rochon said, adding that, as with many couples, sleeping arrangements are usually decided based on who snores. As for the possibility that the Obamas might share a bedroom, Adm. Rochon said he "could not see any reason for that."

The Secret Service has already begun preparing for the possibility that the president's tight schedule might be interrupted on occasion by a brief sexual interlude. The code phrase to indicate that the president (code name "Renegade") and First Lady (code name "Renaissance") are having sex will be "discussing the Bosnian problem" as in "Renegade can't be disturbed right now. He and Renaissance are discussing the Bosnian problem." In the event that president and Mrs. Obama are, in fact, discussing the Bosnian problem and not having sex, Secret Service agents have been instructed to say that they are "reviewing the Bosnian situation." A spokesman for the Bosnian government could not be reached for comment.

Mr. Obama preferences with regard to birth control are not mentioned in either of his books, The Audacity of Hope and Dreams of my Father, though Michelle Obama has said on several occasions that she does not plan to have any more children.

Although Mr. Obama drew scant support form the Religious Right during his campaign, Fundamentalist Christians would have no objection to the president having post-marital sex in the White House according to Focus on the Family's James Dobson. "Intimate relations in the context of a different-sex marriage is just not something we have a problem with, despite what the liberal media would have you believe," he said.

The news that President Obama may soon be having sex in the White House was greeted by his supporters with decidedly mixed emotions. "I'm a little glad and a little sad," said Danielle Garcia-Robinson, a college student and Obama volunteer from Madison, Wisconsin. "I'm glad if he's happy and feeling pleasure but deep down a little part of me will always wish he were having sex with me," Ms. Garcia-Robinson said. Her boyfriend, David Nagel, echoed her sentiment. "That's how I feel, too," he said.

Comments

[123Slivy]

This has got to be a joke. There were times on the campaign trail when I thought Barack might attack Michelle on stage. Particulary the time when she wore that gorgeous orange dress. I predict that not only will they have sex in the White House, but that they will have a goal of having it in every room. After all he is a man of firsts.

[BCubedReg]

Absolutely hilarious Mr. Kimball. It's a story I would have expected to read in the Onion.

I especially liked the line about "discussing the Bosian problem" and that the Bosnian government had "no comment"

[debrouillard]

As for the possibility that the Obamas might share a bedroom, Adm. Rochon said he "could not see any reason for that."
====================

Are they married or not?

Is there any job that prohibits a HUSBAND and WIFE from Consumating their Marriage?

For heaven sake,since when did a legally wedded couple having sex in their house a controversial issue. I'd be worry if they werent having sex.

[BCubedReg]

Relax... this whole article is comedy.

Haven't you ever read the Onion. This is a story you would have expected to see front page of the Onion.

[keepacoolhead]

YUK! No I don't want to think about that, satire or not.

Leave these people some privacy. NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS WHAT THEY DO.

However, one comment seemed truly from a man's perspective and that was Howard Dean's supposed "He will inform Michelle and she will attempt to satisfy the urge."
Excuse me it may be just THE OTHER WAY AROUND. There would be a whole lot more happy marriages if the husbands focus on satisfying their wives' urges.

[BannedInBoston]

(Gasp!) No!

[rpr]

OMG. Marital sex? Who woulda thunk politicians did something like that? I'm flabbergasted.
Where is Ken Starr when you need him? This has to stop.

[PhilTListener]

Despite the dry wit, this is why we (my wife and I) voted for them,
They are just like us - a loving couple with a wonderful pair of children.

It's about time we had "real americans" (^_^) who do things real couples do in the white house.

A novel idea, no?

[lgrf4evr]

James Dobson said that he do not had a problem with the Obama sex lives because it is their personal matters but than he said that the purpose of sex is for creation purpose only and not sexual pleasure yet michelle said she do not want any more children.

Shouldn't that make the Dobson crowds angry because the Obamas are having sex for pleasure not making more children, as the Dobson crowd had told us?

Now, lets hope that the Dobson crowd should the respect they had shown toward the Obamas to the rest of americans and stop making birth control and condom illegal.

Stay out of our bedrooms just like you stay our of the Obamas.

[debrouillard]

I see. How many kids does James Dobson or any other of the pro-lfiers has?

3,2.1? Would that mean they have only had sex less than 5 times in their lives?

[AlohaMark2]

I kept looking for "The Onion" on the byline.... too funny!

[SPQR1052]

If The Lincoln Bedroom is rockin' Don't bother knockin' !!!!

[coolchic]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!! This is funny.

[apwerner]

This is very, very cute. I sure as hell HOPE they'll be having sex in the white house.
That's what normal couple do, yes?

Lucky Michelle.

[Stephen C. Rose - Huffpost Blogger]

A kid'll eat ivy too ...

[jayburd]

...wouldn't you?

[sykadelic chic]

ATTENTION POSTERS: THIS IS A SATIRICAL ARTICLE. IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

Now that I got that off my chest (srsly, does no one recognize dry humor anymore?) This was hilarious, I died at the last comment. XD I bet my bf would say the same thing, lol. Now that the drama of the election is over, I think it's okay for us to smile and joke again occassionally...and as shallow as it may be...it's fun we'll have a president that's such eye candy. 8D Esp in leather jackets mmhm...

[learnsomething]

LOL....This is so funny. The satire is funny, plus the comments are cracking me up too.