07/30/2013 02:32 pm ET | Updated Sep 29, 2013

It's Called Common Sense... 5 Super Obvious Tips for Wedding Guests that are Always Missed

As I make my way to a wedding (that I am attending, not planning) I can't help but think about all the shit that really pisses me off about your wedding guests, bridey. Honestly, 90 percent of the people attending your wedding are shockingly stupid when it comes to proper wedding etiquette, beginning from the moment they check into the hotel.

Allow me to elaborate...

1. Come to think of it, I probably should have said that the stupidity sets in as soon as your guests try to check into the hotel. Because that's where it all begins... at check in. People, when is check in at most hotels? 3 PM, right? And you know what? The rules don't change because you are part of the wedding, in the wedding or simply attending the wedding... So, if you are trying to check into one of the host hotels at 1 PM, expect to wait. Period. Call ahead to see if early check in is a possibility, and if it is, great! But, you can't cop an attitude with the front desk because you are early. And certainly don't call the bride to whine about it!

2. Running late to the ceremony? That sucks! But, you'll have to wait until the bridal party and the bride walk down the aisle before you take your seat. Nobody wants to see your late ass walking down the aisle when they're expecting the bride. So get there on time or hold your horses.

3. While we're taking about the ceremony, turn off your fu*king cell phone. I mean... Common sense, right? Well, obviously not for some... Listen, I totally get that you want to take pictures. If that's the case, then turn off all beeps, dings, clicks and vibrations... Or just put it on airplane mode. Simple as that...

4. Don't like the booze at the bar? It's not the bartenders' fault. The bride and groom made the decisions regarding the beverages provided, so don't be an assh*le and start making noise. You'll just embarrass yourself and offend the your hosts.

5. I'm so sorry you don't like your table assignment. But, just don't plant yourself at the table you wish you were sitting at. Adding a place setting, glassware and another chair is super disruptive (and really annoying for the staff at the venue). That, and the bride and groom spent a shitload of time assigning seats appropriately, so don't make it about you. Respect their wishes and sit where you're told!

See what I mean? All of these "tips" are super obvious, yet always ignored. If you don't want to be that person, then follow these tips and just don't. Got it? Good. Stay Bitchless.

You Might Be Interested In:

Fantasy Friday ~ I WISH I Was This Cool

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Super Stylish Sunday ~ A Fabulously Extraordinary Vintage English Wedding

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