George Bush and The Cat in the Hat

04/28/2006 09:04 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011


Once upon a time
The Cat in the Hat
George Bush and I
Had a big spat.

One summer day,
Just after three
My mother said,
"I'm going for tea."

She went out the door
And in two seconds flat
Out of the closet
Came the Cat in the Hat.

"It's time to have fun,"
Said the Cat in the Hat
"Let's watch TV,
Nothing's better than that."

He went to our den
And without saying please
Turned on the FOX news
Which quivered my knees.

"I always watch this,"
Said the Cat with a grin.
"They take all the news
And then give it a spin."

Bill O'Reilly was on
And he made me cry
"Stop sniveling," said Cat,
"Want a poke in the eye?"

I cowered in fear
And covered my tush
When onto FOX news
Came our President Bush.

"I love him," said Cat
"He's simply the best
He's stalwart and brave
He passes each test."

I shouldn't have argued
I'm only a kid
But I had to point out
The bad things Bush did.

"What about Iraq?
He lied and deceived
Distorted the facts
Fudged what we believed."

"Tut tut," said the Cat
"Surely you jest
We must sacrifice
Be put to the test."

Then Bush gave a speech
The crowd began cheering
He said that the war's
End was now nearing.

"The going is tough
And we'll surely win
I just can't say how
Nor do I know when."

"Hmm," said the Cat,
"Iraq seems a mess.
But Dubya's my hero
He'll be a success."

Before I could think
The words tumbled out,
"You imbecile Cat
You're never in doubt.

"Don't you remember Al Qaida?
Osama and crew?
We haven't caught many
In fact very few.

"Our security's a joke
Our friends have departed
'Cause of President Bush
And this war that he started."

"If you are so smart,"
Said the Cat in the Hat,
"Then talk to George Bush
What's the matter with that?"

So the Cat in the Hat
Reached in our TV
Grabbed Georgie Bush
Set him down facing me.

"We're winning the war,"
Said Commander-in-Chief
"Yes, Iraq is hard work
But well worth all this grief."

I couldn't believe it
He wore a big grin
As if Bush enjoyed
This mess we are in.

"Hard work if you don't
Know what you're doin'
George, you and your gang
Will lead us to ruin."

Then Dubya got angry
And made a bad sound
He shouted and bellowed
And stomped on the ground.

"I don't have to listen
To peons like you
I'm Decider-in-Chief
I like what I do."

Then Bush took a leap
Back in our TV
He hugged Bill O'Reilly
They giggled with glee.

"We're looting America
And having such fun
Too bad 'bout your future
But we've just begun."

I jumped from the couch
Turned off the TV
"George is real bad,
"Just as bad as can be."

Cat nodded his head
"He's no fun all,"
And he turned and ran,
Cross the room, down the hall.

Then Mother came in
With a swish of her skirt
"I see you were good
Not covered with dirt."

I said not a word
About the Cat in the Hat
Or my visit with Bush
She doesn't know that.

Yet sometimes I ponder
George Bush and his flock
What does Dubya think
About solving Iraq?

Maybe he just sits
There, as simple as that
He waits for an answer
From the Cat in the Hat.