Crazier Than Bush

If elected, Senator Obama would be our first black president; Senator Clinton our first woman president; Mitt Romney our first Mormon/android president; and Fred Thompson would be our first persistent vegetative president. But Rudy Giuliani -- Rudy Giuliani would be our first genuinely batshit president.

Glenn Greenwald this week described Giuliani as suffering from "messianic paranoia" with a "swaggering tough guy" personality. I agree with everything Greenwald described of course except for the swaggering part. Giuliani has more of a skulking, slithering lurch and not so much a swagger. But I nitpick.

Rudy Giuliani has verified this week that he is the heir to President Bush but with fewer convictions, if that's even possible. He's President Bush with a more indiscriminately reckless worldview. He's President Bush but with FOX News advising him and not the other way around. Mash it all up, Tazer it, then pour it into the Gary Oldman as Dracula Jell-O mold and you have the recipe for a Giuliani administration; an administration that could prove to be exponentially more insane and dangerous than just about anything we've ever ascribed to the current regime.

It's almost as disgraceful as the Giuliani 9/11 strategy itself that the traditional media is focused more on the veracity of Senator Clinton's laugh than the purely shameful desecration of thousands of dead American civilians -- the cheap selling-out of their posterity for the sake of effective fearmongering, sloganeering and direct mail campaigns.

I'd like to think that, in a more normal America, exploiting a bloodbath like 9/11 would disqualify a presidential candidate as a fucking misanthropic funeral gate-crasher -- a misguided and ghoulish cannibal who plants roadside campaign placards atop freshly covered graves. Yet, all things being abnormal in 2007, cannibals are perfectly acceptable and should be regarded with the very serious seriousness of the awesomely serious traditional media.

There was a time when less obnoxious trespasses ruined a candidate.

Democratic frontrunner Edwin Muskie lost his composure in public and was subsequently henpecked off the national stage. Howard Dean performed his most-excellent Chewie impression and was tarred and feathered for it. But somehow it's permissible for Rudy Giuliani to use 9/11 as a marketing brand and get away with it, even though it's the unseemly behavior of a mad man. And taking into consideration the number of times 9/11 has been invoked by the president as a political multitool, President Bush has never, to my knowledge, gone so far as to brand himself as the hero of 9/11.

Giuliani, however, has transformed the falling towers into his very own golden arches. He's printed this brand on glossy sheets of card stock and injected it into the atmosphere like cheap Valpak coupons.

"He's cashed in on a national tragedy, and I think it's disgusting," Deputy FDNY Fire Chief James Riches said about Giuliani on Monday. Of course it's disgusting, but clearly not as disgusting as Senator Clinton's tone of voice or John Edwards' haircut. Chief Riches' priorities are weird and screwy, aren't they?

Naturally, Chief Riches is exactly correct. Selling-out has become a campaign narrative for Giuliani. And he sold his social convictions by so ebulliently accepting the endorsement of the radical cleric Pat Robertson who once agreed that gay people and abortionists -- not the Filet-o-fascists^TM -- caused the attacks of 9/11.

President Bush is a disaster to be sure, but he's never cashed-in by running away from what he believes, no matter how freakishly twisted his convictions have been -- the shockingly warped syllabus of beliefs that transformed a below-average hoople into a lapel-pin crusader, smoking-out devilish enemies.

Rudy Giuliani has much more to lose than President Bush when it comes to smoking out evildoers because it's his entire thing.

The difference is that in 2000, George W. Bush won the presidency largely as a folksy dink -- a Will Ferrell sketch character who didn't know that Pervez Musharraf was the leader of Pakistan.

Giuliani, in sharp contrast, is running as a body-slamming intercontinental ballistic hawk who will bomb, strafe, pummel, immolate, torture, nuke and fart in the general direction of anything that's turban-shaped -- all the while possessing significantly less military experience than President Bush boasted at this stage (Governor Bush at least pretended to be in the National Guard, and, as governor, was the commander-in-chief of the Texas National Guard).

In other words, if he wants a second term, he'll have no choice but to kick the piss out of any brown nation that gives him the skunk eye. And make no mistake, he will do it, no matter how expensive, ill-conceived or destructive because, in the eyes of the far-right, that is the purpose of his canonization.

The far-right, along with the cultists who are being tricked into voting for this overrated and overreaching local politician, might not understand or care that there has traditionally been a huge difference between the irrational foreign policy of looking for a fight and the pre-Bush Doctrine policy of simply being well-prepared for a fight. Giuliani, in looking for a fight, will, like the Iraq fiasco has illustrated, distract the focus of our foreign policy and leave us vulnerable. That's not the strength of prescient leadership, that's the moronic weakness of a red-faced drunkard shoving people at the bar until one of them shoves back.

Fortunately for us he'll have FOX News advising him on this. His close personal friend, former campaign manager, and bloated corpse, Roger Ailes, has made it his mission to "elect" the first official FOX News President.

The current administration has certainly enjoyed its fair share of FOX News support, but this time around the stream of influence appears to be reversed. The Bush White House largely calls the shots and funnels information to FOX News. In a Giuliani White House, it's only natural that former advisor Ailes would use his friendship to guide Giuliani's agenda to favor the ratings of the network. Bombings always translate to huge cable news ratings.

And if we're really lucky, maybe the Tony Snow tradition will continue and the Giuliani cabinet will include Secretary of Grinning Asshats Steve Doocy and Tazer Czar Brian Kilmeade.

I never imagined that we would be facing a Republican candidate this ridiculous this soon, and who's being taken this seriously. I hope I'm terribly wrong, but President Bush was never this awful. Or this crazy. And it's the Crazier Than Bush idea that ought to be the populist and progressive war cry for the next 11 months, presuming FOX News gives the nomination to Giuliani, because no matter how disastrous this present administration has been for America and the planet, there's still plenty of room for matters to worsen.

---
Bob Cesca's Goddamn Awesome Blog! Go!

Comments

[Jacksonian]

Cesca is brilliant and, oh yeah, goddamned awesome. Unfortunately he is also "dead-on-balls accurate," (sorry--I am a big fan of "My Cousin Vinny!"), and Rudy is indeed crazier, scarier, and more dangerous than W.

[StillAmused]

Open invitation to any knuckle-dragging miscreant willing to take a shot at exactly WHAT in Ghouliani's record qualifies him as a counterterrorism "expert", the sack of feces he's been selling all over the country -- with the usual, stenographic assistance of the press.

When did it become acceptable, if some whacko candidate claims he can walk on water, to simply quote him and move on?

Best I can tell, back in the day, he prosecuted a bunch of NY-area organized crime types whose MO certainly didn't include terrorist attacks on public buildings or mass murder... they were too busy making money and fighting among themselves.

[nancytheragingliberal]

I have this sinking feeling that Rudy is going to be the next Pres. and boy, that is a frightening thought. He will be the dictator of all dictators. Come on Americans, wake up and do not vote this person who is loved by the corporations. He will not look out for you, care about your life, future, nothing. You would be wise to vote in someone who cares about your interests, and those of your family, children, and grandchildren. This country is on the brink of disaster and Rudy is the one who will push it over the edge.

[thatvisionthing]

Loved this Bob except for this: "It's almost as disgraceful as the Giuliani 9/11 strategy itself that the traditional media is focused more on the veracity of Senator Clinton's laugh..."

You haven't even BEGUN to get as disgraceful as the disappearing of Mike Gravel by the awesomely serious traditional media, NBC and CNN. Clinton is their darling, Hillary is their girl. They have been putting on The Hillary Show: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-eisenbach/snl-nails-msm-for-coddlin_b_71243.html.

The last we saw of Gravel:

Gravel: And I am ashamed of you, Hillary, for voting for it [Iran resolution--"essentially a fig leaf to let George Bush go to war with Iran"]. You're not going to get another shot at this because what happens if this war ensues, we invade, and they're looking for an excuse to do it. And Obama was not even there to vote.

Russert: Senator Clinton, I want to give you a chance to respond.

Clinton: Laughter

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21327206/

Clinton's laugh speaks for itself just fine, give me video verite any day. Give me ALL the candidates, with equal time for all, a fair and level playing field. Why should there be any potted plants at these debates? Give me a federal regulator that will pull NBC's and CNN's plug for disappearing my legitimate candidate, give me a prosecutor for election tampering. You haven't explored the ridiculous far enough in this article without noting the corporate media excluding Senator Gravel from the debates based on their own instant criteria of having to have received enough corporate-sized donations, which turns on its head one of Gravel's strengths, he has not been bought by corporations.

[Boobaloo]

"Giuliani,is running as a body-slamming intercontinental ballistic hawk who will bomb, strafe, pummel, immolate, torture, nuke and fart in the general direction of anything that's turban-shaped"

So ... Im not the only one who sees this? What a relief.

Bob, you rock my world and Im not afraid to say that.

[Bongborg]

"Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do and how you do it." --- Maximum Leader Big Brother His Honor Rudolph Guiliani

[dgscol]

Just off the AP wire ... It was all a misunderstanding.

The Chinese had made a deal to build some boats for the US government, and so they told us to bring the one of the boats into Hong Kong Harbor.

When the shadow of the Kitty Hawk descended, they got scared and did not know what it was !

That was all that was to it.

[dgscol]

Yes, yes. I met an illegal immigrant today. He said he was moving to Canada. I asked him why, and he said because Bush is crazy and America is crazy (in fact he harbored a secret wish to become a member of the middle class). So by choosing Giuliani, it might help to solve the immigrant problem!

[Skandal]

Anyone who agrees with anything Glenn Greenwald says is an absolute idiot.

[MrJoyboy]

Americans were so freaked out by 9/11 that even David Letterman started blathering that the Mayor was the "personification of courage" when all Giuliani did was show up at the scene and spew a lot of hot air that helped bring down the towers.

[Mack20]

Let"s see if the HuffPo speech police allow this one:

Bob! Keep up the nutty rhetoric. You"re the poster child of the left-wing kooks!

[jodini]

Bob,


Can I just say that I love you? Really, I do. Your posts are scathing and hilarious and I love them, too.

[THISTLE]

Thank You for your excellent piece. The MSM
will defend and protect Giuliani and he will
will never be exposed for what and who he is.
Your piece should be required reading.
The thought of this thug in the White House
is truly terrifying.

[Overd0g]

Fear is the mindkiller...

[RogerHWerner]

Given the mood of the electorate, in a general election, Giuliani will self destruct or be eaten alive by even the lamest of the likely Democratic candidates. The man has way more liabilities than assets and I believe that will ultimately be reflected in fund raising. Giuliani will attract right wing extremists, and I don't mean the religious right; that's about it.