03/04/2008 06:55 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Liveblogging the Texas and Ohio Primaries

And it's time for another evening with Chuck Todd's Magical Mathematical Beard. Senator Obama wins Vermont which isn't such a surprise. Polls close in Ohio in t-minus three minutes. Josh Marshall at TPM is reporting that the exits are showing dead even numbers in Texas and Ohio. NOTE: I'm going to liveblog downwards tonight. It's easier to read, no?

MSNBC reports that Ohio is too close to call. See "pain" prediction above. Senator McCain wins Ohio.

A question to get the comments rolling. How is it possible for Senator Clinton gain enough pledged delegates in the remaining primaries to win the nomination?

Another question: How many times will they have to empty Chris Matthews' drool cup?

Karl Rove is on FOX News again. He just said "Democrat Caucus" instead of "Democratic Caucus." Karl Rove is a dick.

Sandusky, Ohio polls will remain open until 9PM. MSNBC exit poll shows Ohio voters believe Senator Clinton has engaged in unfair attacks. The exit also says Clinton wins among women, whites and people who earn less than $50K.

Again with the name business tonight. Tom Brokaw botched Senator Obama's name by confusing it with the evildoer known as... Ben Bernanke. Something like "Barack-- Bernanke." You know what I miss on NBC? Hearing Tom Brokaw pronouncing "Bosnia-Herzegovina."

It's A-holes and Criminals night on the cable news networks. Ken Blackwell on MSNBC. Bill Bennett on CNN. Karl Rove on FOX News. I'm expecting to flip over to Headline News and see a panel including the Hamburglar, OJ Simpson and Nurse Ratched.

MSNBC is showing Senator Clinton ahead in Ohio: 56-42 with 0% reporting. Polls will also remain open in Cuyahoga County because they ran out of ballots.

I'm watching Bill O'Reilly on FOX News right now. You know what he's really good at -- in addition to lying? He's really good at saying things everyone knows, but pretends as if he's just invented it. "You know what I just came up with, Brit? Mustard is better than ketchup on hot dogs. Now I don't mean to opiiiiiinnne, but it's true, Brit. Did you know that? Shut up."

O'Reilly just said: "They (the American people) don't want the news media telling them who to vote for." FOX News doesn't do that sort of thing.

Obama is leading in Texas. 58-41.

Terry McAuliffe on MSNBC bragging about Senator Clinton winning Michigan. Good for him -- that was a tough battle against "Uncommitted" and "Congressman Kucinich." Brag away, Terry!

Senator Clinton is leading Ohio by an insane 30-point margin (62-36) with 0% reporting. That probably won't hold.

Clinton won among white women -- and men -- in Ohio according to MSNBC exit polls.

Mike Huckabee could drop out tomorrow to spend more time with his crazy. And President Bush is expected to endorse Senator McCain tomorrow. Please let there be many more events like that one. What do you suppose the president's nickname for Senator McCain is? My guess: "Grumpy McMayo."

Someone on MSNBC: White women in Ohio responded to Senator Clinton's fear mongering 3AM commercial. Matthews: "We're looking at fear trumping hope."

Rachel Maddow on the 3AM ad: "That is a fear mongering campaign ad." Naturally, Scarborough and Buchanananan thought it was a dandy ad. Olbermann has a desk bell and he's leaning on it now.

CNN's John King with his magic marker fingers says that no precincts have reported from Dallas, Houston and Austin. So take the current Texas results with that in mind.

CNN and MSNBC report: Senator Grumpy McMayo wins the Republican presidential nomination.

Question from the comments: When you give the time could you say which time zone you are timing from? I'm reporting from eastern Pennsylvania. That would be the Eastern time zone.

While we're killing time waiting for more results: I want to know more from Clinton supporters about this quote:

"I think that I have a lifetime of experience that I will bring to the White House. Senator John McCain has a lifetime of experience that he will bring to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he gave in 2002."

How is this helping anyone except Senator McCain?

Mike Huckabee is talking now. Oh jeez -- Mike Huckabee is dropping out tonight. Aww man. I was really hoping to have our Constitution replaced with Leviticus because it's so important that we put adulterers on death row. Seriously, though, Huckabee seems like a really nice guy. It's just a shame that he ran as "Santorum with Jokes."

MSNBC calls Rhode Island for Senator Clinton.

Screen grab from Mike Huckabee's consession speech:

Who thinks Huckabee will be McCain's running mate? Who thinks that talking about Senator McCain choosing a running mate is really bad news for the Democrats who are still turning each other into ground beef?

This is interesting... Howard Fineman says someone high up in the Clinton campaign told him, "Ohio is not enough." His source says that Senator Clinton might want to go on with just an Ohio win, but many others close to the senator do not. "Avoiding a hanging," they say. Zoinks.

Senator McCain and Paris Hilton are on stage now. Here's one of the only nice things I'll say about McCain between now and whenever... It's a terribly long road from a POW camp in Hanoi to the Republican nomination for President of the United States, and it's a remarkable story. I would caution him from selling-out what remains of his integrity in order to attain this gig, though. Also, watch for Cliff Schecter's up-coming book about Senator McCain coming this May (I think). If you don't know who Cliff is, watch this.

Holy frijoles... Listen to this. Obama lawyer Bob Bauer fights Howard Wolfson on a conference call tonight. Wow. See my previous "ground beef" remark.

Carl Bernstein on CNN... A top Clinton strategist told Bernstein: "we have to mess [Obama] up."

Go Rachel Maddow! She's blasting Buchanan right now and I don't blame her. Buchanan claims that Obama's supporters are the "professoriate" types. Maddow: "I don't understand how Missouri is the professoriate. How Missouri and Georgia and Virginia and all of those places! You pigeonhole and stereotype people who are supporting him and it gets ridiculous!" High Pitch Buchanan is filtering everything through an antiquated political meat grinder from 1972 and Rachel Maddow is taking him to school on how things work in 2008.

Olbermann reports... Cuyahoga won't be counted until 4:30AM. Why is Ohio so goddamn screwy? Chuck Todd and His Magical Mathematical Beard reports that none of the cities have reported in Ohio. Only the rural areas have reported, and thus the high margin for Senator Clinton. See above Mr. T video.

Commenter lincat: "I've got a headache." Me too. I really do.

Pain... in Texas:
Obama 711,759 - 49%
Clinton: 711,183 - 49%
23 percent reporting

CNN reporting that Clinton has taken the lead in Texas:
Clinton 739,171- 49%
Obama 731,006 - 49%

John King's ink-spewing fingers suggest that very few results are in from Houston, Dallas and Austin. King says Obama will regain the lead based on those results.

CNN says Senator Clinton wins Ohio.

MSNBC agrees on Ohio.

Andrea Mitchell just sprung up out of a hole in the ground on MSNBC.

Senator Clinton is going to be speaking soon. I wonder how she'll fear monger tonight. Will she invoke you dying or your kids dying or everyone dying should Senator Obama win the White House?

Andrea Mitchell says the Clintons came "back from the dead" in Ohio. This is weird because she was leading in all of the polls, with the exception of a couple of recent ones that were dead even. But okay, back from the dead.

Senator Clinton: "No Democrat has won the White House without winning the Ohio primary." That's because this is the first time in a very long time that Ohio has truly been contested. Usually by the time Ohio rolls around, the nominee has already been decided. But okay. Delusion is good. Chanting now: "Yes she will!" "Commander-in-chief on day one." Slash-burn-slash-burn-clap-clap-point-point-slash-burn.

Is it my television or does her hair look green--- Holy fuck! I was kidding before about the fear mongering, but she's doing it. She's fear mongering again:

"Protecting America is the first and most urgent duty of the president. When there's a crisis and the phone rings at 3AM at the White House, there's no time for speeches or on-the-job training. You have to be ready to make a decision."

Then she proceeded to congratulate Senator McCain. Would someone please tell her that she can't win on delegates and this is only going to help the Republicans? Please?

Senator Obama speaking now, and he congratulates Senator Clinton on Ohio. See what he did there? I'm fairly certain he said "Senator Clinton" and not "Senator McCain." Congratulating someone from your own party ought to be a priority, but okay. Senator Clinton's exclusive kudos to the Republican candidate is awesome too -- I guess helping the Republicans (they of the vast conspiracy) comes from being so goddamn experienced.

From Kane in the comments, the delegate count for tonight thusfar:
Obama 119
Clinton 119
I'm not a math wizard, but that's a net gain of zero delegates for Senator Clinton tonight so far.

I'm done for the night. Thanks to everyone in the comments for the news tips. And being here in Reading, Pennsylvania where, Chris Matthews says, there's only country-western music on the juke boxes, I look forward to hearing Hillary For You And Me on the radio for the next seven goddamn weeks. Good night and help me.