BRIT HUME: Thank you for joining us this afternoon, Mr. Vice President.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Thank you, Brit.
BRIT HUME: I love you.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Well, it was the worst experience of my life -- what was that?
BRIT HUME: I love your soul, Mr. Vice President.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: I love you, too, Brit. So...
BRIT HUME: Tell us about Saturday.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: I had a beer for lunch then me and the fellas went hunting for retarded birds on the Armstrong ranch.
BRIT HUME: You have a masculine voice.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Yes, well, Harry got a couple of birds, then a few jumped out at me like a goddamn wolf man. I flat-lined, was revived with those zappy paddles, and then--
BRIT HUME: You were almost killed by the retarded birds? You're like a Norse God. And this was Gotterdammerung!
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: I don't know what that is. Anyway, this bastard bird jumped up and I fired away. That's when one of the fellas shouted, "You shot Harry!"
BRIT HUME: Which fella shouted that?
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: (incomprehensible)
BRIT HUME: Who?
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: One of the guys, you know. One of my hunting buddies. Big guy. Hairy.
BRIT HUME: Okay.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Pam Willeford. Who is a guy.
BRIT HUME: Some people are saying that's true. And without pressing you any further, I will agree and chalk it up as confirmed.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Stop grilling me on details, Brit. So I ran up to Harry. I didn't run, actually. I kind of lurched. I like to lurch. Harry was conscious, happy, and joking. He was also unconscious, severely injured, and not talking.
BRIT HUME: That makes so much sense. I just peed myself it made so much sense.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Right.
BRIT HUME: Can I kiss the fleshy area above your elbow?
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: What? No. (whispers) Later. Anyway, hospital -- recovery -- heart attack -- and here I am. Fully complying with my obligation to the American people to be forthcoming and honest.
BRIT HUME: Most honest Veep ever. Thank you for choosing Fox News to tell your story, Mr. Vice President. Sorry if I had to ask the hard questions, but I'm a journalist.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: It's your job. Thank you, Brit.
BRIT HUME: Do my saggy eyes make me look sleepy?
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