THE BLOG

The Gift of Not Finding Yourself

02/09/2011 04:37 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Would it help if you knew you were the joy behind the laughter, the color in the painter's brush? Would it help if you knew the ache in your heart is your teacher, and loneliness your inner wisdom calling you back?

Your way will be different from mine and his and hers. And it will change.

Would it help if you knew you are the truth you are looking for? Find your way to live the love you are. What have you found so far? What are you finding now?

Since our paths cross, let me first share with you; then you share too.

When I look for who I am, I now skip past the thoughts and instead watch within. I focus on the one actually doing the thinking. Who is asking, "Who am I?" I look within and watch. I don't answer the question with an idea like "I am this" or "I am that" Instead, I let the unanswered question be the energy I need to focus my attention on watching myself in the act of thinking. Yes, it does take energy and focus, but it also takes practice. It just isn't what we normally do. I look for who is really there. I observe the thinker within. Or more precisely, I observe the place within where I, as the thinker, seem to be. I experience myself thinking within my head and looking out from behind my eyes, but I never find a thinker I can see or define.

This "not finding" is not a failure, but the key! Not finding a thinker I can define and describe separates me, ever so slightly, from my complete identification with my body, mind and personality. The separation becomes an ever-growing point of freedom, allowing a witness presence to develop, releasing me, ever so slightly, from the demands, desires and fears of the body, mind and personality,

The result is greater peace and balance in all areas of my life. And, more importantly, the body, mind and personality begin to be tools for the expression of the unknowable thinker -- the one I can't define or actually find.

The more we develop the habit of experiencing our self as an unknowable thinker, a point of consciousness in the present moment, the more our limiting self-concepts fall away. The veil of personality hangs on us more loosely. It becomes more thin and light, allowing our original self to be revealed, known and expressed.

And what are the qualities of this original, undefined self - the one we all really are? I found blissful, compassionate, personal love and reflective, intelligent creativity. Is this me and you? Here the pronouns lose their meaning, the ego-self disappears, and the edges of our identity blur. There is no "I," "you," "we" or "they" taking ownership of these qualities. At its best, our life energy and time is an expression of these qualities.

So tell me, would it help if you knew you were the joy behind the laughter, the color in the painter's brush? Would it help if you knew the ache in your heart is your teacher, and loneliness your inner wisdom calling you back?

Since our paths now cross, I shared first, now it is your turn.