10/18/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Obama! If You Want to Win -- Boot Biden Now and Bring Back Hillary

Plus 4 other Manly Must-Do Moves! Ignore at Your Peril!

Who has put Barack Obama on sedatives? In his newest TV ad, he looks
and sounds so lethargic he might as well have stayed in bed and not

It's just the latest Obama campaign misstep and non-step that is
befuddling frustrated Obama supporters as the McCain ticket surges
head to head with the Democrats in the latest polls.
While the McPalin ticket is seemingly everywhere in hard-hitting TV
ads and on female-friendly morning shows, Obama and Biden are
virtually MIA.

In Obama's new ad, he sits quietly and speaks earnestly into a camera
that feels way too far away. His message that we need change and that
instead of focusing on substance, the campaign is consumed by petty
attacks, is fine. But fine doesn't cut it right now.

The ad isn't hard-hitting. It doesn't attack McCain for his sleazy
ads, lipstick smears, or for flip flopping on his response to the
economic crisis. Obama looks weak, not strong. He feels like a
pushover, not decisive and not presidential. And that too-far away
camera makes him as remote as the way he's been running his campaign
since the DNC -- on remote.

So listen up Barack! You're in the battle of a lifetime for the future
of the country, millions of supporters are counting on you and you're
behaving like this is a polite gentleman/woman's contest.
The McPalins are treating the election like a slugfest, they're
winning, and you're behaving like a lightweight. The American people
like fighters and need to see a fighter right now. Everything the
McPalin camp has done -- calling you names, shouting louder, sliming
your bully behavior. And the only way to beat a bully is
to push right back, so start pushing.

Here's what to do:

1) Get In the McPalin ticket's face!

• Run ads -- lots of them -- that use forceful, easy to remember words and
phrases. Be clear -- "I will fix the economy." "I will bring back
prosperity." "I'll throw out the lobbyists." "Fast track energy
solutions." "End the war in Iraq." "Reform Washington." etc.

• Run a clip of McCain talking about putting lipstick on a pig, in an
ad. Jon Stewart found the clip for his show. Now use it and call
McCain on it.

Don't be afraid to call Sarah Palin the Governor of Pork. She took
that Bridge to Nowhere pork money, all $233 million of it, and she
used it for other pork projects. That was American taxpayers' money.
Call her pipeline a "pipedream." The American public totally thinks
she built that pipeline -- already. But it's 10 years away and could
cost taxpayers $500 million. Make that known.

4) Be everywhere except a Hollywood bash. Barbra Streisand won't do
anything for you but reinforce your "elitist image." Why aren't you in
Galveston with the victims of Hurricane Ike? Be their friend. Why
aren't you instead sitting on The View? Getting cozy with Matt and
Meredith? Regis and Kelly? If you want to win back women, be charming
and be in their faces where they'll see you! And where you'll be
reported on!

5) Finally! Dump Biden and Bring Back Hillary! New York Times
columnist David Brooks, wrote very insightfully a couple of weeks ago
that in this election, Weirdness Wins.

Barack first bested Hillary in the primaries by weirdly focusing on
the highminded call to vote for change and unity, over partisan

Then John McCain stole momentum from Obama by his superweird VP pick
of hottie supermom Sarah Palin. Now, the electorate can't seem to
remember that we're still in deadly wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and
that the economy is failing. Somehow being able to dress a moose and
see Russia from your window are now considered useful for the vice
presidential skill set.

Obama, if you want to regain momentum, you've got to shock the
country out of its Palin passion and retake the headlines. You've got
to pull the weirdest move ever.

Boot Biden from the ticket -- he hasn't helped your campaign one iota
and anoint Hillary your new VP. Your reason? You have to announce that
the people have spoken. You listened and they want a woman! A tough
talking pitbull with lipstick who can articulate the needs of average
folks, is the only way to go on the attack against Sarah, and not be
accused of sexism. That will be essential in upcoming debate.
Hillary has already proven she's can do that! Listen, it's not nice
to ditch a perfectly respectable running mate, but these aren't
ordinary times, as you point out in your new ad.

Extraordinary times call for extraordinary actions. You need to win,
so stop being wimpy and above the fray. It's not working. You're just
being forgotten. Start your makeover now and you still have time to
turn this election on its ear, go lipstick to lipstick and win against
those phony McPalins!