Marriage Trouble

Julia:

I had intended to co-blog with my husband, but due to circumstances enumerated below, that may never be possible.

Brad:

I have been married to a beautiful, smart, funny woman since 1987. Together we have had two happy children and shared nearly 18 years of marital bliss. Now the whole thing is ruined.

Like most Americans, I had hoped that the Defense of Marriage Act would do just that: defend my marriage. Apparently not. Look around and you’ll see the gays getting gay-married all over the place, and, to quote, well, everyone: gay marriage destroys real marriage. Now, when I come home to my wife, I feel nothing. How could I? SHE COULD BE A MAN. Thanks a lot, gays. Thanks for rendering our vows obsolete. Thanks for illegitimizing our sons. Thanks for tearing asunder a great institution that has heretofore withstood Las Vegas, Elizabeth Taylor, Larry King and Britney Spears combined.

The only hope for this sacred rite is that the People will be allowed to express their opinion on the issue, perhaps in a nationwide plebiscite. This would be just the sort of opportunity to head off unpopular “progress” (e.g. feminism or integration) that we never got in the 60s. I think we all know which way an up or down vote on Gayness (much less Gay Marriage) would go. I DARE the activist judges to go against the WILL OF THE PEOPLE after that! Earl Warrens are in thankfully short supply these days. Until such a vote, however, I have begun re-organizing my finances so I don’t get fucked in the assets in my divorce from the only woman I have ever loved.