Finding Employment Benefits at the End of the Rainbow

Today wasn't all bad. I had a little turkey sausage left in the tube to go with my last two eggs and the remaining slice of bread. My Internet was turned off because of the delinquent bill, but the $2 cup of coffee that gave me access to the dub-dub-dub didn't put my debit card into overdraft land. Blessedly, there was $12.62 in the account at the time of the transaction.

Like the million-plus people in this country over the last two months, I'm newly unemployed. Perhaps worse than most--because there were millions of us before the (de)(re)pression started--I'm an unemployed writer. But I have freelance assignments and, eventually, they'll pay. Something.

There's comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in this widening corner, cowering at the coming turn of the month and all the bills it brings. And it's a little morbid to feel comfort in the shared misery of others. Even as I curse them out for clogging up California's Employment Development Department's loathsome 1-800 number.

How loathsome? Like a bored teenage girl trying to win Britney Spears tickets from the radio station, I tried 27 times this morning to snag a break, only to catch the recorded voicemail that hangs up without even saying "Goodbye." I tried 15 more times after 10 AM. I just needed to ask one person one question.

"Hello, sir? Thank god, I got a person. I know it's crazy over there, you're job ain't easy job. Quickly, here's my deal: I filed the first week of January, completed my caljobs.ca.gov questionnaire after receiving the pamphlet, but I haven't heard from you since. I know that I need an interview to start collecting and I need one more piece of mail to schedule that interview...so what do I do? It's been six weeks."

I just timed that bit of hypothetical dialogue...it took 22 seconds. I tried nearly every other phone non-1-800 number on the Department's website--read to me over the phone by my patient girlfriend last night--without ever being connected to a person with an answer to my question not frequently asked enough to be included in the site's FAQs.

But today wasn't all bad. That patient girlfriend is patently pulchritudinous and enthusiastically inspiring. And after I showered, before I left for the Internet cafe, there was a knock on my door.

"I live in 110, I think this is yours," the woman, my downstairs neighbor, said.

I live in 410 and the letter was the one that had plagued me for weeks. It wasn't the fault of California's EDD, it was that of the United States Postal Service. In a building with 78 units on a dizzying turn-around of month-to-month rent, it's hard to get mad at basic human error. Sometimes a 1 looks like a 4. I thanked my neighbor, promising to do the same if the mistake was reversed, and closed the door. Only after opening the letter did I realize that it was post-marked January 9, 2009, with a "time sensitive" return requirement of January 25, 2009. My disgruntling letter was probably sitting on a cluttered coffee table for over a month...and now I'd need to call that 1-800 number again.

On my way out the door, I checked the mail, gloriously finding a $105 payment from the Orlando Weekly. I walked to the coffee shop with the decent coffee and free wi-fi. I handled the emails, pitches, interview requests and networking required. I walked to the nearest ATM, only to discover that its touch screen was broken. In the spirit of perseverance and destitute fear of overdraft land, I trekked the mile-plus to the next-nearest Wells Fargo automated teller system.

After the journey that brainstormed most of this post, there was a one-legged man who fell in the cross walk, crossing the street on crutches. My flannel might smell like urine after helping him up, but I don't know his hard times. My good friend's father got laid off after 30 years of service, only to be re-hired on the condition of a $20,000 pay cut. Someone out there is being foreclosed on as you read this sentence.

Even if it's giving me a headache already, the $2.99 bottle of Cabernet-Sauvignon that I splurged on, while buying five packs of Ramen for $1, doesn't taste like swill. I have no idea how I'll pay my rent, but maybe I'll be able to find a person at the end of the 1-800 rainbow tomorrow.

Comments

[Brandon Perkins - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for the kind words, even if some felt more like a pat on the head than one on the back. In the great ironies of the world, the EDD contacted me the following morning after this piece posted. Still haven't received my check (or paid my rent) yet, but the assure me that it is being expedited quickly. Oh yeah, and I caught the flu. The good and bad of every day...it's glorious.

[Eres]

I live in the state of CA and I was shocked (and thrilled!) by the efficiency of the EDD office considering how swamped with claims they must be. The offices called me within two days of filing a claim online, confirmed my information and promised I would receive my first form within one week. I was almost in tears, with gratitude, by the time the call ended.

[ModeratePoliticalJunkie]

Perhaps we could set up a website (or use an existing) site to help all those individuals that are in distress like the writer...t­his is America folks!! We are a kind and genererous people. We are not so jaded by the sordid stories of hucksters and cheats that we are not willing to give a little of what we have to help those in need. Just as many of us sent small contribution to help the Obama campaign, and many of us send donations to a variety of worthy causes, we can help individuals all around the country that need help. The real lesson of this depression or recession is that we need to give to each other and share what we have. May God Bless America.

[nomoredead]

Filing online is the best.
If you absolutely have to call, in California, I have dialed the number for the Vietnamese or Cantonese line and say " Oh I'm sorry " they usually speak english also and can help. ( Don't tell too many people. )

[AZBunny]

I hope you have family or somebody to lean on.
My son was fired after they put him on a written warning while he was on a forced vacation (either use your time or lose it) When he went back to work of course he didn't have time to fight the written warning he and his boss were given before they fired them. The result was they weren't eligible for unemployment. I made him an authorized user on my credit card and he used our computer room for his job hunt.
He did manage to find a job after a time, but I'm not sure what would have happened to him if he didn't have us to rely on. We still subsidize his grocery bill.
Good luck.

[blaqntelligence]

I feel you pain, I've walked in your shoes.
Good luck and God Bless.
It will get better.

[Beca]

Wow! Ramen is expensive where you live! I can get a packet of 12 for $1.80, the price went up $.40 over the past 6 months, but it's still a good deal. If you buy a $.99 packet of frozen leaf letuce, you can make some pretty nice soup, that contains a good dose of iron (which you need to keep your energy up while looking for a job!).
Good luck!

[devans00]

I'm sad to say, I feel your pain, Brandon Perkins. Unfortunately, I've been there many times.

Keep your head up and keep trying. The alternative is way worse.

[litegrrl]

The trick to getting through to edd is to start calling at 9:15 am and keep at it all day, every day until you get through. Once you've memorized the pattern of the routing, you can punch through as soon as the connection clears. I recommend a speaker phone for when you're on hold. That way you can get other stuff done while you wait. It's interesting to note it used to be very easy to get through, up until Arnold got in. The people on the other end are pretty amazing , and will do everything they can to help, so stay patient. They're badly understaffed for the current situation.

[Dukedraven]

This is character building, Brandon. One day you'll look back at this experience and laugh about it. Okay, maybe you won't. I won't sugarcoat it. At least you have your health and a woman who loves you. Peace and light always

[notmuchtosay]

I work at edd..if you give me a generic email or something, I can give send you my work phone and I can try to help you.

[Brandon Perkins - Huffpost Blogger]

hello sir....tha­nks for reaching out. i think i got everything moving now, but it'd great to have someone direct to speak with. if you get this, hit me up, please, at your convenienc­e....beatr­eporter81 at gmail dot com.....

[nypoet22]

good luck to you, and god help us all.