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I Demand Proof That Trump's Hair Is His Own -- And American

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Donald Trump has found his issue: Obama wasn't born in the U.S.! No matter how absurd the claim might be, Trump keeps birthin' it up, and the major news sites keep reporting it.

If the media has time to cover Trump's nonsense, surely there's also time to start asking him the Tough Questions. Topic number one: the birthplace of The Donald's "hair."

Oh, we've all made jokes about it before. It's a Carpet World remnant! An unlucky rodent! Some kind of vegetation from outer space! But it's just been fun and games. Now, Trump wants to be our Realtor-in-Chief, and we therefore have to start taking his hair seriously.

So: Sir, where did that amber pelt above your forehead come from? How long have you had it? Is it American? French? Or is it, perhaps, from... Kenya?

I want a birth certificate for Donald Trump's hair. Not the kind anyone can get by walking into the hospital/rug store. That proves nothing at all.

I won't be satisfied until I see a video of the moment Trump's hair came into being (or landed, or whatever). I demand that the video be certified by an expert from the National Archives in Washington. And that it come with supporting affidavits from the Founding Fathers. All of them.

Agree? Join me. We're The Scalpers.