Discovering one's true self is never an easy process. For many, it takes years -- for others, a lifetime. Regardless of the timeline attached, it's the journey, not the destination that should remain one's focus. However, often times our personal journey's are interrupted, or disrupted, by another individual -- also focusing on his or her own journey -- seeking companionship. As humans, we're attracted to the idea of a significant other -- maybe even yearn for the experience -- but what we mustn't forget when exploring the union, are the separate paths traveled that ultimately led to the intersection.
Like many, my path has consisted of a multitude of twists and turns, and ups and downs. In fact, who's hasn't? But as I recognize the totality of where I've come from, and how far I still have to go, I accept and respect the insane amount of personal work involved.
I've recently ended a relationship after the realization that my friend refuses to do little, if any, of the work required to travel a healthy and honest path. Sadly, since I've know him, he's secretly buried himself in the bowels of the internet, and the apps created for it, in hopes of seeking validation and confidence through meaningless, anonymous sex. He's not a bad person. Actually, I think he's a genuinely good person that has made a lot of bad decisions. He's not stupid, actually he's smart, but weak, fearful and selfish. He's utterly terrified, not incapable, of doing the work needed to not only know, but more importantly love, his true self.
Perhaps one of life's greatest lessons that continues to challenge us as individuals upon every intersection of our paths converging with another, is that we cannot change someone. We can influence, we can support and we can love whomever, but we'll never be able to change someone into something we perceive as better. And sadly, the effort it takes trying, ultimately robs us of our own energy and labor required for continued self-growth. A former mentor, turned friend of mine, once used the Law of Physics as a metaphor to help me understand this life lesson. "Brent, the Law of Physics states it's much easier to pull up, then push up. Get yourself to the top first, and then reach down and pull up those you care to join you. If you continue trying to push people up with you, you'll inevitably tire, and most likely fail, before ever making it to the top."
In honor of Labor Day, I encourage each and every one of you to celebrate the American Labor movement, but also celebrate your own individual path taken thus far and the work you've done to get here, while simultaneously pursuing the work still needed, in finding and loving your true self.