Going through a divorce is no easy task, and the process of reinventing yourself after experiencing a divorce can be even more trying.
Presently, there are many articles, books and other resources available to divorced women, but unfortunately not many of those resources exist for men in the same situation.
Thankfully, the information listed below is geared towards men who are trying to reinvent themselves after this life-altering experience.
Look At Your Divorce As An Opportunity
Before going through a divorce, there is a good chance you had no idea what you were capable of accomplishing on your own.
This is due in the large part to the fact that when you are married, you are dependent on the other person, at least in some form. Therefore, a divorce can be an opportunity to realize your true potential and to discover your inner ability to survive and even thrive on your own.
If nothing else, living through your divorce should teach you that you are able to survive anything.
This kind of confidence can be used in other areas of your lives, and if you use it correctly, offer you more confidence as you face daily challenges.
"Instead of only focusing on your losses from your divorce you need to realize this is an opportunity to reinvent yourself.You get to choose who you become," explained Greg W Anderson, author of The Selfish Divorce.
Reexamine Your Priorities And Life Patterns
Look at your old life before your divorce and determine if your priorities or life patterns need to change.
Sometimes, a situation such as a divorce can reveal problems in our lives that we often overlook when things remain how they have always been. Look for issues in your life, such as your inability or unwillingness to try new things.
Also, look at your attitude, habits and other factors.
Is there anything that you need help overcoming, such as an addiction? If so, get the help you need, now's the time.
Look at your divorce as a break in the cycle that provides you the perfect opportunity to fix what is broken and create a better life for yourself in the future. This is the time to work on you, the inner you, and make yourself a better man, and no this is not simply to impress someone new. This is to make your life better for you.
Examine Your Past Relationship
Divorce gives you the opportunity to learn what you do not want in a future spouse. Of course, this is a hard, painful way to learn this lesson, but at least by learning what you don't need in the future, you will have a greater chance of success in your next relationship.
Take an honest look at your past relationship and dissect it in terms of what was good and what was bad, then take that knowledge into your next dating experience.
If you determined that you do not want someone who is too needy, because perhaps your ex was that way and it was part of what led to the end of the relationship, then figuring that out will help you not end up with someone quite so needy the next time out.
It is also helpful to look for the positives as well, which you can then look for in a future partner.
"If you don't take time to evaluate your patters you doom yourself as you will bring them into your next relationship," said Anderson.
Learn To Be Happy Alone
Many of us move from our parents' house into a home with our spouse, with maybe a few years of college dorm room existence in between, meaning there was little time on our own.
Therefore, this post divorce time is a perfect opportunity to learn how to be happy by yourself, because until you are truly happy on your own, you won't ever be truly happy with someone else.
Don't wait for an invitation if you want to go see a movie, just go. If you want to try out that new restaurant downtown, go. Don't wait for someone else to go along with you. Just enjoy your own company.
There is nothing wrong with asking some of your friends to do things on occasion.
However, don't make a pest of yourself. Remember, everyone has their own lives, and you don't need to lean on other people to make you happy.
Throughout the process of reinventing yourself post divorce, you must learn to be happy alone.
Move On
Some of the tips above focus on examining your ex and your past relationship for both good and bad qualities, and that is appropriate.
However, spending too much time focusing on your past relationship is not healthy.
You must move on to ever grow or to learn to be content on your own. If you are struggling to move on, get the help you need to heal.
This could include counseling or talking to other men who have been through the same situation.
Avoid These Mistakes
When trying to reinvent yourself after a divorce, it is important to avoid the following mistakes:
- Don't date too soon: Don't try to replace your spouse with someone else just to fill the space in your heart as this will oftentimes only lead to more heartache.
- Don't isolate yourself: Although it is important to learn to be alone, you should not isolate yourself all the time. Get involved in a sport, pick up a hobby or get involved in a good organization that gives back to your community.
- Don't fight with your ex or hold a grudge: Although your feelings are probably hurt, you can't keep fighting with your ex or hold a grudge, or you will never be able to move on and will continue to be miserable.
The tips listed above will help you learn to reinvent yourself after a divorce. By following them, you can be assured you will create a better life post divorce, then you had when you were still married.
Also, be sure to avoid the common mistakes listed above as you seek to become a new you.