When the connection is so powerful, the red flags fall by the wayside.
"Never question my commitment for you, and I will be nothing but loyal to you, always."
Have you ever fallen for someone, only later to look back at the relationship and wonder how it even worked in the first place? How do we allow our nonsensical hearts to have reign over our minds, allowing our hearts to swim effortlessly into the state of oblivion, accepting the flaws, the instinctual nudges that your partners traits may not fit so favorably into your jigsaw puzzled life?
At the ripened age of 25, smack dab in the middle of the confusing twenties, you would think I would have a tighter grip on my dating life and find a human who is deemed respectable, tasteful and fruitful for my bright future.
False.
When I fall for someone, I don't just gracefully walk in from the shallow end. I confidently make my way towards the high diving board and trip, belly first, into the deep end of the pool, collecting the most euphoric of scratches, pain and infatuation on the way down.
I can't help but laugh at myself, after a relationship fall out. There are always signs and intuitive stabs when someone is simply just not right for you. Nevertheless, once the crippling, terrifying yet indescribable, beautiful, alluring chemistry begins to spread throughout your bloodstream and into your nonsensical heart, forcing you to disregard the rest of your life worries and sometimes, even your most desired, sought after aspirations, those "deal breakers," "red flags," and (usually) common sense "no's", seem to get pushed away without a second thought.
How can our hearts lead us to such a deceptive delusion?
This crazy occurrence causes the biggest miscalculation in terms of finding a compatible, harmonious relationship. The physical newness of another, who feels the same towards you (the connection), combined with their skin, their breath, their eyes, their touch, their smile, embrace and loving projection towards you and the intellectual level in which you connect feels so rare, that the desire is so substantial and undeniable it almost outweighs the logical portion of our squishy, irrational brains that often warns us "wait... even with this undeniable, brilliant connection, this person isn't a good fit for me, nor makes sense for what I want for my future life." Yet, we often go for it anyway.
Then why is there such a hold on our emotions, producing these dark, deep emotions, causing some to feel physically ill, lose sleep, gain or lose weight, become increasingly numb or sensitive when these relationships come to an end? Are we heartbroken from the rejection, feeling as though we are not good enough for the other, or are we mourning something that was truly, genuinely wonderful, yet the other person simply wasn't on the same relationship wavelength?
Why do we view these people who disregard us as though they are comparatively superhuman?
Making these realizations about these delusional thought processes that many experience during heartbreak, when I had such a loving, passionate connection with this human (when we live in two entirely different worlds), is an enormous step for me. I would be lying if I said I was fully healed and unaffected by my last relationship, however, I am not going to bang my head on the wall, hoping for the wall to break down and give me comfort. I am simply hurting myself by holding on to these one sided emotions.
I am mourning a beautiful relationship that didn't have the full opportunity to bloom, with a limited future with our clashing mindsets, and our unknown futures. I care about that human so much and wish him nothing but success, happiness and love, but here's the catch;
Humans are innately selfish, if we want something or someone bad enough, we will do everything in our power to obtain it. That applies for everything in life.
And I am not one to make excuses for this one.
"We survive the hardest things, or what we think is hard and we grow from it... but we survive. I think God wanted to show you what a good guy is like but has someone better in store." (Thank you for this dear, anonymous friend).
Lastly, and most importantly, don't be comforted by words from an infatuated partner. But their actions. And vice versa, it would be so incredibly easy to lash out and try to explain yourself, scramble to piece together scraps of closure and ultimately lash out in anger and frustration for allowing them to make you feel vulnerable and experience a heart dipped in distress and dejection.
Ultimately, I want to thank every person who has ever caused my heart (and/or mind) pain, sorrow, anger, frustration, sadness or confusion. For what blooms from these emotions are creativity, growth, and a deeper understanding of one's self. These rose colored glasses I seldom wear, allow me to see the world in such a beautiful light, and I never want to lose that.
There is so much power in being vulnerable and allowing yourself to give and receive love. Even though these rose colored glasses prevents us from seeing the true, raw version of the object of our affection right away, being aware of this phenomenon helps me realize that connection isn't everything, though I don't want comfortable either, I never want to settle. I simply want to start using my brain before I fully give my heart, without losing my vulnerability and tenderness.
Life is too short but to allow yourself to feel everything you do. The world is yours to feel what you need. I promise you, being vulnerable and real in a world where emotions are mostly hushed, you are already that much closer to finding yourself, and someone who is going to be a beautiful addition to your jigsaw puzzle.
So, don't let heartbreak make you bitter, simply realize the capacity in how much you have to give, and that in itself, is beautiful.
xx
Originally posted in http://bintransition.com