Thirteen years ago at age 34, I came to a crossroad in my life. At 5'3", I was considered obese, wearing a size 16. I had struggled with my weight since I was a little girl and often got teased by the other kids in school. My growing girth did little for my self-esteem. I was never the first or even the fifth chosen for the dodge ball team.
I went on my first diet when I was 12-years-old, which propelled me into the crazy world of deprivation dieting and binge eating. One extreme always led to an episode of the opposite extreme. I was either on a diet or binging. There was no middle ground and never a sense of balance or peace in my life regarding food or my weight. This vicious cycle held a tight grip on me for more than two decades.
At the time of my crossroad, I was introduced to meditation and contemplation. Through my practice, I began getting glimpses of the peace and calm that I was desperately craving. As I slowed down, I began to observe my eating habits, as well as my thoughts, attitudes and behaviors around food and dieting.
What I discovered was amazing and shocking to me. I began to observe my thoughts closely and started to recognize that I had adopted a certain thought pattern that was keeping me fat and unhappy. I call it my "diet mind." These thoughts were steeped in the belief, that if only I could stick to a diet, then all my problems would be solved. Because I could never stay on a diet longer than a week or two, I also believed I was weak, lazy, and lacked willpower.
Due to my deepening spiritual practice, I was able to objectively observe the self-defeating thoughts that my "diet mind" wanted me to believe. Without judgment or attachment, I listened and learned. I came to know that the negative thoughts were based on ideas that were rooted in the world around me. They invoked a lot of shame, guilt, and self-hatred. They did not come through the loving eyes of my innermost wisdom and truth.
When I reflect inward for divine guidance, it is pure love, acceptance, and forgiveness. I feel a sense of healing and balance in my physical, emotional and spiritual life. By focusing more and more attention on my "balanced-health mind," I began to realize I was already whole. That awareness allowed me to look at this issue from a point of strength and empowerment.
Here is what I found as some major distinctions between "the diet mind" and "the balanced-health mind."
See if any of these resonate with you:
- The diet mind says, "I am restricting my food for a certain amount of time."
- The balanced-health mind says, "This is a journey, a lifestyle change that will be achieved one day at a time."
- The diet mind says, "I have to control my eating."
- The balanced-health mind says, "I'm giving up control, and allowing my innermost truth to guide me."
- The diet mind focuses primarily on the physical aspects; such as the amount of weight I lose and how fast I can lose it.
- The balanced-health mind focuses on my emotional and spiritual wholeness that leads me to a healthier physical body. The outcome is left to my innermost loving and trusted companion.
- The diet mind says, "I will restrict my food until I reach my goal weight. At that time, I will go back to eating the way I did before."
- The balanced-health mind says, "I will fine-tune my eating behaviors every day. I don't need to worry about tomorrow or regret what I did yesterday. Today is all there is."
If you are tired of going from one failed diet to the next and are open to a new way of looking at food, weight, body image and self-esteem; try listening to your "balanced-health mind." With practice and awareness, you will come to realize you have all the tools you need to create a healthy body. The best part is that they are within you right now.
Diet or not to diet, the choice is always yours. Go for it!
Bronwyn Marmo is an award-winning and bestselling author and speaker. She is the Associate Producer and one of the featured experts in the wildly successful documentary film, The Inner Weigh. She appears regularly on Phoenix Channel 3's, Your Life A to Z, in her own segment, SpotLite On Success.