Dear Santa,
I tell my kids that in order to get what they want for Christmas, they need to write Santa a letter with all of their Christmas wishes. So, this year I've decided to heed my own advice in hopes of making all my Christmas wishes come true. Now, obviously, I am an adult and can purchase tangible items, so forget about the traditional gifts. Let's be honest, playing mom/wife/Santa all holiday season ain't easy (even with all the excuses for an extra cocktail). Since I won't get any recognition for quarterbacking this holiday, I think I deserve to have at least a few of my holiday wishes to come true, so here goes nothing...
- I would like to not be responsible for cleaning up all of the post-holiday wrapping paper/bow/ribbon/gift bag explosion that will happen in my living room. It took me hours to make those presents look Pinterest-worthy and a little part of me dies every time one is ripped open, so at least spare me the position on the clean-up crew.
- Hold off the Christmas wake-up call until there is at least some light in the sky. We both know I will be up late running around like a bat out of hell on Christmas Eve. On this very special day, please give me a few extra minutes of sleep before the big day. Or at least make sure I remember to set the auto start on the Keurig.
- I would like at least two pairs of pants to fit post-holiday. I'm no dummy, I understand that cookies and treats and copious amounts of wine add up, but that is really the last thing I want to think about this time of year. I'm not even asking to lose weight or even for my clothes to fit the same, but when all is said and done, please don't leave me in the situation that the only way I can zip my jeans is lying on my bed and cursing at Mrs. Johansen for giving me an extra batch of holiday fudge.
- Please let me have the maturity/patience/inebriation level to deal with my extended family. Yes, Aunt Gale, I did just pour myself another glass of wine. Thanks, Cousin Tammy, I'll try your sleep schedule approach, it seems far superior to mine. You are right Mom, my husband is looking a little thin, it must be because of my subpar cooking. Just please let me grin and bear it, smile and nod rather than execute the screaming strangulation scenarios that are dancing around in my head.
- Let my children enjoy the magic of Christmas. Not just the presents and the candy.
- I beg that we get at least one family photo where someone isn't crying, squirming or in need of a bathroom. One where no one is blinking, screaming or complaining. Just a nice, festive photograph that can capture the memory of Christmas 2015. If that is not possible, please at least let me look good.
- I would like to fully take advantage of the opportunity to have some quality family time. But, REAL quality time where everyone puts away their phones/iPads/laptops. And where no one is concerned about checking the football score, seeing what their friends are saying on Facebook, or what filter to use on Instagram.
- I would like batteries, because every toy requires them and I never remember to buy them.
- I really need a way to use the "Santa's Watching" excuse year round. Once December 26th hits, it kind of loses its effectiveness. A great idea about the threat of Santa in exchange for good behavior that works year round would be much appreciated.
- More than anything please let my family enjoy the magic of Christmas. Let us focus more on each other, less on the presents. Let us laugh when I undoubtedly burn the Christmas roast. Let us revel in the memories of the ornaments on the tree. Please spare us meltdowns and breakdowns and anything burning down and let us appreciate the gift of getting to spend the holiday together. I know that it's bound to be more of a Griswold's Christmas than a Hallmark one and that's the way I prefer it. As long as we are together.
Santa, I understand you can only do so much and you may not be able to make any of my wishes come true and that's okay. In the words of the great Mariah Carey Christmas tune... "I don't want that much for Christmas, there is just one thing I need"... a nap, Christmas is exhausting.
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