THE BLOG

Cuddling With Carlin: A Midterm Assessment

02/25/2014 06:03 pm ET | Updated Apr 27, 2014

Twelve weeks into my webseries and three (whoooops!) posts on this blog and I have to admit: I am completely and totally shocked that I haven't risen to the YouTube superstardom I just assumed would be gifted to me after the first five minutes of my cuddling search aired. Also, I still don't have a boyfriend. Whaaaaaat?!

I'm less than two weeks away from my 27th birthday (and officially older than my mother was when she had me. Whatever, I have better hair). While I'm super thin right now, I have so many fears and insecurities about my work, and the direction it's going... and then there's the fact that elements of my personal life -- though largely satirical -- are airing for anyone to see. AND YET, hundreds of thousands of people aren't seeing it, which is (bizarrely) what I'm after. So, shit.

To call myself a loser in this double search -- my Big Spoon search, but also my search for recognition and a conversation -- would be unfair. But I'll be the one to say it: I feel like a fucking loser. I'm grateful to the friends who text me as though I'm genuinely dating these guys week after week, I'm (weirded out, but) super flattered by the self-appointees for future episodes, and honored to be considered peers of some wonderful webseries out there like I Hate Being Single and The Gambit.

But clearly that's not making me a viral, meta e-bachelorette contender who may or may not have had sex in the ocean with that homophobe everyone keeps talking about or something. TBH, I've never seen The Bachelor or any of its derivatives, except for Burning Love, a truly perfect webseries.

I am at the point of my webseries journey where I am entirely dependent on the viewer. Because I hope that all of you know that this show isn't about love or sex or even dating -- it's about companionship. And part of that companionship is with all of you.

I need your votes. I need your nominees. It's what is going to keep this show going. Twelve episodes have aired, and another 11 have already filmed. So, who do you want to see again? Who's missing? Is it you? Is it your handsome and hilarious, 6'2" friend who is super perfect for me? What can I do for you, the viewer, to make this our show rather than my show?

Also, watch Peter. He aired this Monday and I find him so charming and adorable, he should be my birthday-valentine.