Like countless supporters of marriage equality across the country, I am disturbed and saddened by Maine voters' approval of a referendum overturning the state's same-sex marriage law. It is particularly difficult to watch people (like those in the photos below) celebrating the denial of basic civil rights to their fellow citizens.
If the referendum had gone the other way, those who oppose same-sex marriages would have woken up today with all of their rights and benefits intact. Not a single heterosexual marriage would have been negatively impacted if voters had permitted the same-sex marriage law to stand. On the other hand, same-sex couples across Maine woke up today with the cold realization that they remain second-class citizens under the laws of their own state.
As difficult as losses such as the one in Maine is for supporters of the legal recognition of same-sex relationships, it is important to keep in mind just how far we have come on this issue in a very short period of time. As recently as 15 years ago, there was not a single state law that provided any form of recognition or protection to same-sex couples. This meant that as far as the laws of all 50 states were concerned, the relationships of same-sex couples -- no matter how committed or long-lasting -- had no greater legal significance than those of roommates or friends. In stark contrast, there are today five states that recognize same-sex marriages. And an additional half a dozen states provide same-sex couples with all of the rights and benefits afforded to married straight couples through civil unions or domestic partnership laws. (In fact, while Maine voters were repealing their state's same-sex marriage law, Washington state voters were approving a comprehensive domestic partnership statute enacted by the legislature that offers same-sex couples the same rights and benefits under state law provided to married heterosexuals.)
It is also important to keep in mind that opponents of equality prevailed in Maine -- as they did in California a year ago -- by a slim margin. Polls consistently show that there is a growing generational gap on the issue of same-sex marriage, with a significant majority of younger Americans believing that same-sex couples should be permitted to marry. This means that time is on the side of marriage equality. The fact that equality opponents in places like California and Maine have been able to prevail at the ballot box by only a handful of percentage points strongly suggests that they will be unable to maintain their victories as new generations of voters demand to be heard on this issue.
None of this, of course, takes the sting out of painful losses for the marriage equality movement like the one in Maine. But focusing on the long run can help us keep these losses in perspective because it reminds us that they are skirmishes in a long struggle for the hearts and minds of Americans on the political, legal, and moral issues involving same-sex marriage.
Opponents of gay marriage are increasingly having a difficult time articulating why it is, exactly, that the legal recognition of such marriages would harm society. In fact, one of the lawyers defending California's ban on same-sex marriage in a federal lawsuit conceded in court recently that he did not know what the harm would be in allowing same-sex couples to marry. This leaves gay rights opponents relying largely on the argument that the question of which groups should have access to the institution of marriage should be decided by the people and not by judges or even by elected legislators. There will come a day in the not so distant future, however, when voters on this issue will begin to choose equality and fairness over exclusion and discrimination.
I suspect the best hope for equality via votes is to shame people into doing what is right. I'd generally like to see more of an effort to get the names and companies of those who are responsible for denying rights to their fellow Americans out there so they can reap what they (apparenty from above photos) take so much joy in sowing. Doing this of course will be difficult if that business with referendum 71 in Washington state becomes a trend.
As for generation gaps... well I don't buy it to be honest. Apathy is not acceptance, and it does not translate to voter turnout nearly as well as one might wish.
Nope, I am siding with shame, and a precise application of disdain where appropriate. It struck me while reading about that pastor in the Bronx who helped shoot down equality in NY while saying something akin to "we can still be friends" that no in fact we cannot be friends. If you will not help secure equality fine, but if you work against equality then it's on.
If I were advising gay rights activists, I suggest you pursue the middle ground, which provides you all of the protections (and frankly you could provide even more) of marriage without the incendiary word. I'd suggest you change from making gay opponents feel you are trying to take something away from them (and we know you are not), and instead you pursue something new and different and better. There is no reason why you cannot do what France did: create a civil union that covered both straight and gay couples, providing protections that parallel marriage for domestic partners.
It's time to change tactics, rethink how you will achieve your goals and above all, stop fighting with people who will never agree with you. Ignore them and accomplish something. And as frustrating as it may seem, steady incremental change is how you accomplish what you want.
Referendum 71 in Washington, although a victory, clearly demonstrates that homophobes will fight us tooth and nail over this issues, whether or not the word "marriage" is at stake. This is not about a word, or religious freedom, or any of the rhetoric the Christian Taliban has disingenuously put forth. This is about people who don't want us to exist, and who don't want us to be happy in our relationships, and who will stop and *nothing* to dehumanize us.
Maine had definite problems in its last elections, with faulty machines (Diebold rears its ugly head once more... and this time, they have ALL the automatic machines!)
Demand a recount. Write or call the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, either in Washington DC or the local chapter in Maine, and demand they request a recount.
The deadline for filing is THIS TUESDAY. ACT NOW.
:-)
The words in our founding documents are powerful. They WERE powerful enough to bring about the the abolition of slavery, grant African Americans and women the right to vote and thwart institutionalized Jim Crowism. We must believe that they WILL be powerful enough to crush legislation that prevents same-sex couples from marrying the person they love.
Discouragement is understandable. But do not let the "NO" sayers defeat you! This is what they want. Like a gang of children playing a vicious game of "keep away," they may be revelling in a barely-won victory. But we must let them know by our words and actions that we will work until marriage equality is won in America and NOTHING or NO ONE will deter us.
Keep strong. Rise above them. Proudly remember your roots: Plato, Alexander, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Tchaikovsky, Gertrude and Alice, James Baldwin, Bayard Rustin and others in our pantheon.
(Fanned!)
However, of my generation, almost everyone I know is for gay marraige. Even my more religious conservative friends are simply indifferent to it, as ooposed to being strongly against it the way my liberal, not very religious grandparents are.
It is just plain wrong for the underinformed voters to thwart the work of the elected representatives and even the decisions of the courts in order to impose their will on any minority group or individuals in the state. IMO that is not equal protection of the laws as prescribed by the 14th Amendment.