11/30/2006 08:55 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Our Records Show...

Dear George W. Bush:

Our records show that it has been years since your last eye appointment. It is strongly suggested that you do not wait a moment longer to schedule an examination since it is obvious that your vision is seriously impaired. (Apparently, the prescription we prescribed to you some time ago was inadvertently for rose-colored glasses and will need to be corrected.)

As your optometrist, I must stress the importance of routine exams. When too much time is allowed to go by without an eye examination there is the possibility of having opaque vision. Also, I am concerned that you may be myopic due to how you are viewing the Civil War in Iraq as a "spiral of sectarian unrest." When was the last time you read an eye chart?

My reputation is going to be in jeopardy if I do not treat you immediately, since some may blame me for your short-sightedness.

Please call immediately to schedule an appointment before any more irreparable damage occurs.

I beg you.


Your optometrist, Dr. Clearview

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