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Caroline Presno Headshot

Four Ways to Tell if You're Being Cheated On

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Trust can be tricky--you want to have confidence in the fidelity of your partner, but sometimes you just can't. There's a nagging feeling in your gut that says, "I think I'm being cheated on." Here are four ways to tell if your hunches match reality:

1. Boredom
Cheaters are generally bored with everything else in their life except for the affair and other high risk or impulsive activities that they may be engaging in. If you're looking for it, their boredom will be apparent to you. You'll get the sense that spending time with you or family is tedious. The cheater's interest in work (unless the affair is at work), hobbies, and friends will drop off. You'll be living with someone who seems checked out.

2. Missing Time
Unaccounted for time is one of the biggest tip offs to cheating. Does he seem to be "disappearing" at certain times or days of the week? Does the time she spends out not add up with where she says she was? Do you often have only a fuzzy idea about where he is even though you feel like you should have a clearer picture?

Remember, there's a fine line between wanting to protect yourself and being paranoid. No one should feel like they're obligated to give a minute by minute itinerary of their day. However, when your partner's schedule isn't an open book, you may not be able close the door on cheating (analogous to the idea of transparency in politics!).

3. Lying
To cover up an affair cheaters must mix small lies with a few big lies. If you start to notice a small lie here or there, connect the dots and see if they lead to cheating. Keep in mind that a good liar will stick to the basic truth of the story and only change the details that they need to. Also, if you catch cheaters in a lie, they will often try to turn it back on you by making you feel crazy or stupid for misremembering or forgetting.

4. A Shift in Attentiveness
Intuitively, you may think that cheaters become more neglectful, particularly with regard to sex, when they are having an affair. This is often the case, however, sometimes guilt sets in and you may actually see an increase in nice gestures like flower-giving and maybe even an increase in sex. The key is watching out for a shift in the behavioral norm. Also note that a dramatic change in your partner's attention toward you could be a sign of a host of other issues including physical issues, mental health issues, as well as problems in your relationship.