Becoming a parent is an experience that's full of mind-blowing love, fear, immense responsibility, and possibility. It's a time when you need more support than ever, because everything is new, and you have no idea what you're doing. Yet the reality is that the parenting culture in America, especially among women, can be very mean girl. There's a tendency judge and form cliques, instead of reaching out a hand. So, I decided to take a look inside myself, because that's the first step, and I came up with a manifesto. Every year on Mother's Day I look at it. Here's my pledge:
1. I will honor my individual identity, even when motherhood threatens to consume me, so that I don't define myself through my child.
2. I will remind myself that there are many ways to do most things, including parenting, and it's not about right or wrong.
3. I will contain my social media time and focus on being present more often.
4. I will acknowledge that it's okay (and normal) to be clueless.
5. I will ponder my own childhood, where my parents some did things differently from how I'm raising my own kids, and everything turned out okay.
6. I will laugh.
7. I will refrain from turning parenthood into a competition.
8. I will trust and empower my partner in raising our children together.
9. I will acknowledge that I'm not perfect, and I'll forgive myself when I screw up.
10. I will try a new parenting technique, just to see. (I mean, who knows?!)
11. I will seek out my "tribe," the people I connect with deeply, so that I feel loved and supported.
12. I will remember that I am enough.
13. I will read articles and books about things that inspire me.
14. When I begin to feel snarky and discontented, I will ask myself what I need to do for myself to change this.
15. I will avoid bragging about my child's awesomeness.
16. I will ask for help.
17. I will commit to 30 minutes of self-care each day, whether this means exercising, practicing yoga, making a healthy lunch, watching a comedy, or simply staring at the clouds.
18. I will do my best.
19. I will not hang around women who perpetuate the "Mean Girl Mom" culture.
20. When I get caught up in the minutiae of parenting, I'll step back to see the big picture.
21. I will remember that parenthood is (often) fun!
22. I will be grateful for the privilege of raising a child.
This post first appeared at Thought Catalog.