Writers are experts in disappointment.
Day after day, year after year we sit in our spare bedrooms at the computer, churning out pitches for articles to editors, book pitches to publishers and agents, pitches for blogs, pitches for reviews of previous work, pitches to professors at universities.
We throw email queries into the void like a crazed Ball Boy machine... ideas we hope will kindle a blaze in someone's mind and heart...
And then we wait.
Response times vary. It can take minutes if you catch an editor in a rare moment of down time. Or it can take months -- yes, months -- to find out whether an idea has ignited a positive response. After that it can take up to a year to actually get your idea into article form and published... and paid.
If it's a book add another year or two or more.
And get this -- the competition for acceptance is SO fierce, writers actually rate and even savor their rejections. Oh, not the brutally short "not interested" form-letter rejections or deafening silence that sometimes greets a pitch. If an editor actually responds in person we get excited. If the editor actually writes something like, "Not quite right for us," we're over the moon.
Personally, when I read, "Please feel free to pitch me again anytime," I go to the grocery store and buy a bottle of champagne.
Is this pathetic or what?
I'm not going to get into an explanation of why such masochism is enjoyed let alone pursued. There is none beyond "the madness of art and artists." But I've collected more than my fair share of rejections so far this week, so listen up. These tips are hot off the press and might do you some good someday.
TIPS
1) Don't give in to the Bloody Mary before 11 a.m. Eleven o'clock is respectable because it's officially brunch. Any earlier and you're just one more sot who can't handle rejection and you'll hate yourself even more for it afterwards.
2) Don't have a third (or fourth) latte. Caffeine and emotions are a bad combo. I once got so jacked up I accidentally hit "send" on an email I never meant an editor to see and lived to rue the day.
3) Be sure to delete the address from any email you start to write just to blow off steam and say all the things you want to say but shouldn't.
4) Tip #3 applies to ex-husbands, boyfriends, co-workers and, of course, The Boss.
5) If you've gone over the edge from disappointment to despair or anger to rage, take a break. Get out of the office. Take a walk. Get in your car, roll up the windows and cry or scream... whatever it takes. But DO NOT sit at your desk and stew.
6) Try not to bitch. This is hard, I know. I'm resisting calling my agent to whine about my awful rejection-filled week this very minute.
6a) P.S. If you work from home GET DRESSED. It's bad enough sitting in an office at 9 a.m. feeling like crap wishing you could go to Harry's Bar down the street for a shot. When you're sitting in a bedroom in your pajamas at home thinking the same thing you're in the DANGER ZONE. Go take a shower and make yourself decent.
7) Don't eat. Food and strong emotions are another bad mix. Just ask anybody with an ulcer.
8) Use your emotions constructively. For example, I'm writing this blog instead of beating my head against the wall or giving in to numbers 1, 2 or 6 above.
9) Go for a walk. This is a repeat, I know. But it bears repeating. Get out where there are trees and grass and hopefully some sunshine. Being out in nature has been scientifically proven to calm brain waves, settle emotions and uplift one's spirits.
10) NOW you're ready for the hard part: Contemplate WHY you got the response you did to your pitch or report or Power Point Presentation or idea. Be HONEST. See where you can improve. Learn from the experience of rejection and disappointment instead of being its victim.
Wow. Okay. That took three hours and I'm in a MUCH better space. I made myself laugh writing this. I remembered some stupid things I've done. And I've calmed down and realized why I received the rejections I received.
I can do better. We all can. We just sometimes need some healthy self-talk and coaching to handle the inevitable disappointments that arrive with the rest of life.
And now, please excuse me. It's 11 o'clock and I'm going to... tsk tsk... I know what you're thinking. But no. It's 11 o'clock and I'm going to go take a walk in the rain.